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Venting - I know it's cos they care but...

(11 Posts)
hayesgirl Wed 17-Aug-11 18:54:34

I am getting so fed up of people texting, face booking, ringing and dropping by just to ask me how I am and whether there has been any change!

I am 40+3. I don't have much in the way of family and so am a very independent person. My husband has a very close family, and I think they are lovely and usually have no problem with them at all. My MIL is also under the impression that I will be calling her to join us for at least part of the birth (planning a home birth) even tho me and my husband have said we'd rather it was just us and the midwives!

I should be grateful that she wants to be involved and I know that having 2 boys she feels like she misses out on things that she would expect to do with a daughter. I don't have a mum around and so am happy for her to be more involved than my sister in law but I am trying to draw a line without her getting upset, altho inevitably she will end up upset at some point!


VeronaH Wed 17-Aug-11 19:02:58

i hear ya, i am being driven mad, do family and friends think we would have the babies and then not tell anyone!! i am ignoring texts now and feel like putting message on my facebook telling people to piss off asking ut may loose friends that way smile i am not due til sunday so if i go over ti will prob get worse!! aaahhh. as for you mil she means well, ring her after baby is born so she doesnt turn up mid push!! bestof luck

Changing2011 Wed 17-Aug-11 19:11:35

You would be pissed off if nobody was bothered! Feel your pain about the mother in law wanting to be involved, I am dreading letting her down gently. Good luck with your baby x

YBR Thu 18-Aug-11 06:21:42

This may be a naive suggestion but can you put out a message gently suggesting that this far in you're rather tired, and could you be left to rest please, and that yes you will tell them when there is news?
Couple that with taking forever to respond to messages and hopefully people will take note, and if not get gradually more forceful about it?

PrincessJenga Thu 18-Aug-11 06:32:26

Hahah. I feel your pain. I went to 42 weeks and had to be induced and the constant 'any news' messages were the most stressful thing about it. In the end I put 'no news' as my status update on fb and replied to any messages with a rude 'do you think we wouldn't tell you?' followed by a polite 'DP has your number, he will let you know, we promise'. It didn't stop them though...

JenniferYellowHatsRedLingerie Thu 18-Aug-11 06:32:43

Hayes I'm 40+1 and the texts and calls started yesterday. Like you, I know it's just because people care, but I don't need reminding that I'm still fucking pregnant, plus it's really hard to reach my phone when I've just managed to get comfortable on the sofa smile
I've just put a message up on fb saying "actually we had the baby 2 weeks ago, we're just keeping it secret"! Hopefully that will stop them...
Feel your pain about the MIL - my mum's doing the same (also planning a hb). My mum's lovely, don't get me wrong, but I DO NOT want her here while I'm giving birth. She fusses, chatters all the time and does my head in generally. I'm playing it along the lines of, "I'll see how I go and if we need you we'll ring you" - can you do something like that?
Sending big labour vibes your way lovely smile

Janeymax Thu 18-Aug-11 07:04:49

Yep, not fun. I didn't give a due date with my second but said "first half of July " for that reason wink. She was due on the 4 th and came a week early.

Iggly Thu 18-Aug-11 07:16:11

You're going to have set your MIL's expectations right....! Get DH to talk to her.

Also set your boundaries because when baby arrives it'll be harder. Yes people care and you will need their help but doesnt mean you have to be uncomfortable or awkward about certain things.

As for the well wishing messages, I ignored them after a while (I went 40+8). I'd always text back if someone rang in case they thought I was in labour and posted on FB to stop asking as I would tell smile

I'm annoyed actually that pregnant second one around I forgot to lie about my due date...! We have another scan in October so might tell people it's been moved later grin

Ivortheengine8 Thu 18-Aug-11 07:19:32

My DH isnt coming in with me this time as we agreed he look after dc1 who will be 24 months when this one comes. My mum said she would come down to be with me in labour, I said NO, It's ok! Would prefer to do it by myself - she understands (I think) You just need to be firm about it.

hayesgirl Thu 18-Aug-11 09:05:39

Glad that I'm not the only one that feels like this - was starting to think that I was turning into a really horrible person!

MIL has been told quite clearly by DH that although she is welcome to visit us when I first go into about (so long as this is at a reasonable hour) she is not going to be staying for the birth. She has this uncanny ability to only hear the words she wants and I know that no matter what is said she will still get upset!

Put a message on fb yesterday saying that baby doesn't appear to ever be arriving so people can save their texts and I will update when something is happening - so far the messages have reduced to just MIL and SIL! Them i can ignore cos they text DH too! : ) x

Iggly Thu 18-Aug-11 09:29:12

Honestly - I don't think your MIL should be there for any of it. Your labour can be slowed down if you feel tense or stressed. Plus it could go quickly or slowly - not something you can plan at all!

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