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Venting about loving, ultimatly supportive parents... :S

(11 Posts)
Oeisha Wed 13-Jul-11 17:47:54

Main grumble of today, other than tiredness, is that again my Mum's asked me if I'm not "a little too fat". Only put on about 2lb at the most and my weight's always fluctuated by 3lb due to IBS. Mind you, this is nothing new, she's been 'worrying' about my weight for years now. I'm a little overweight yes, but nothing my GP or now MW have ever mentioned. This is on top of my home 'obviously being dangerious for a baby' [it isn't, she just can't bear 'mess'] and me not being able to drive...which inevitably means my baby will get injured due to my slack standards of tidying and will die because I won't be able to drive it to hospital...how can I live with myself?! angry
ARGH?! Anyone else get this crap or is it just me? Seriously, this kind of thing isn't normal behaviour, or is it???...and she should just realise that it's not acceptable right, or is it?! That, and I then get "we don't get to see you often enough"...well DUH!!! She was even talking about moving to near here, even though we may not stay here!
My post-parent neuroses must be pretty high. Just feel sorry for DH as he now has to reassemble me mentally...
Sorry, ranted a bit there...

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Wed 13-Jul-11 18:05:55

Gads, my Mum was like this when I was pg, telling me to LOSE weight at one point!!! Menkul. She also went on and on about wanting to be at the birth and guilt tripped me about it - to no avail I might add. All in all I found her very difficult.

BUT once DD was born, she was amazing, and has continued to be amazing ever since.

I am sure weight is an issue for your Mum herself for whatever reason - I know it is for mine - and clearly everyone has different standards when it comes to tidiness at home. If your baby is seriously ill at any point, clearly you would call an ambulance rather than drive to hospital anyway.

I reckon the crux of the problem is I then get "we don't get to see you often enough"...well DUH!!! She was even talking about moving to near here, even though we may not stay here!

My mum felt just the same and in the early days I felt quite pressured for her to spend lots of time here etc. But I realised that she was right, I do want her to spend plenty of time with her granddaughter, and I knew she didn't like not knowing when that would be. So, in Jan we booked in monthly get togethers, taking it in turns to travel, for the next 6 months. We have just done this again to take us through to Christmas. Everyone is far more relaxed as a result and everything is lovely smile

You will be fine and your mum will be a fab Grandma - just breathe deeply and repeat 'she means well, she means well' over and over!

Oeisha Wed 13-Jul-11 18:41:02

Thank you.
She's already an excellent Granny to 3.7of12 grandchildren and she will be loving and caring towards my babies.
Just wish she could see that constantly criticising me isn't helping and is hugely destructive...

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Thu 14-Jul-11 23:01:41

3.7 of 12 grandchildren??? confused

thejaffacakesareonme Fri 15-Jul-11 07:23:59

My Mum was like that before DS1 was born. I think it had more to do with her being reluctant to accept that I'd grown up. She improved after my DS1 was born and now treats me like more of an adult. We've reached a stalemate re the weight issue - I've told her that if she comments on my weight I'll comment on hers and she is much more overweight than I am. Strangely enough, it is not mentioned much now. Having said all that, I love her dearly and the kids adore her.

Oeisha Fri 15-Jul-11 10:16:09

duuuh! you'd think i'd know how long a woman is pregnant for 3.6of9...there's another grandchild in-utero. 3 'out' grandchildren, and my sister in law has is pregnant...odd that I didn't count my baby in that number.
I am, however, very sure she'd love 12...

Oeisha Fri 15-Jul-11 10:19:53

Oh and thank you jaffacakes. I did wonder whether this was the issue with mine. I'm the youngest by quite a few years.
I know I'm going to have to just tell her to back off, but I know she'll cry because she'll just take it as ungrateful/out and out rejection and a cascade of pain will come my way from Dad and my brothers...
...hey ho. I got to the point of nearly throwing her out the other day, as did DH, so something needs to give.

annekins Fri 15-Jul-11 10:26:08

Thankfully, my mum has been great so far, and I don't think she would dare comment about my weight (having just lost 2.5stone over the last year, am now looking at putting some of that back on again which is not making me happy!).

BUT my mother in law is a whole different story...when we told her our news at 12 weeks, I got a series of phone calls over the evening telling me what I couldn't do and that my cat had to go...well I think not, and I will not be told what I can and can't do...cat is still here and mother in law is still stewing (but a long way away).

At the end of the day, they're only trying to help but I think you are entitled to tell them, in a nice polite way or in a get out of my house and leave me alone kinda way, to please keep your opinions to yourself and let me get on with this!

Good luck (but try not to burn your bridges, you may be grateful for her help in a few months!)

Oeisha Fri 15-Jul-11 17:35:38

Oh...if my parents had suggested getting rid of my furbabies (cats) just because I was pregnant I'd definatly have lost it...I made a commitment to them way before human babies were ever an issue, and they're as much a part of my family (if not moreso) than my parents. And at least they don't think I'm fat, or obviously a danger to a baby....
Whilst toxo is a (very small) risk with cat poo (most cats DO NOT carry toxo), it's simple, wear gloves and wash your hands.
Just got to ring my brothers soon to prep them that if they get a teary call explaining I've just been utterly evil to her phonecall from Mum they actually know where the hell I'm coming from...

Pinkseren Fri 15-Jul-11 17:48:13

Neither me nor my partner have Mum's (both died over 10 years ago). We are both having our first baby, and are managing to get similar from both of our Dad's. I think they might be trying to compensate for the lack of mums, and its funny how similar they are. The house is one of the points as is how we must get rid of the dog. My partner is being driven up the wall but for some reason, I'm finding it less irksome (although I did get upset at the thought of getting rid of the dog). As annoying as it is, try to look at it rather than as a criticism of you,but that she wouldn't tell you things that concern her if she didn't care so much about you. Parents often seem to overlook how what they say in love/concern comes across to their
grown up kids!!

jubblicious Fri 15-Jul-11 17:57:18

My mum has been great. But before we first got pregnant my MIL told me to lose weight as once I'd have the baby I'd never lose the weight.

Now I pregnant again and DS is 7 months I've been told to stop bf otherwise I'll be too big up top! Ignoring the fact I enjoy BF and DS is a very happy healthy baby.

If only I could tell her where to stick her crappy unneeded advice

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