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Struggling to suppress the constant anxiety

(7 Posts)
PinkFondantFancy Thu 02-Jun-11 21:19:04

I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant and really struggling to believe that I am actually going to have a healthy baby in September. I feel really weird and almost jealous when my friends and family announce their pregnancies, even though I am currently happily pregnant with my first baby. It's almost as if I believe that they will get their babies at the end of their pregnancy but that I won't. I really want to let the constant anxiety and worry go, and actually start to enjoy my pregnancy but I find it hard not to think dark thoughts about what might go wrong, even though I have no real reason to think anything bad will happen and I know that statistically it's unlikely (although sadly does happen to some people)

I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks last year, and I hoped that the constant mentalling that things are going to go wrong would ease off after the 12 week scan but it doesn't seem to be showing much sign of going away.

I was wondering - do other people have this too? Can anyone suggest any coping strategies? I'm reluctant to go to my GP as I feel that they'll just say "it's unlikely anything will go wrong, think positively" - obviously I'm trying to be positive but I'm just finding it very very difficult to plan ahead for the baby actually arriving. Any advice or ideas very welcome!

ninipops Thu 02-Jun-11 21:27:19

I'm no expert but it sounds like you could have ante-natal depression. Don't leave this - go and talk to someone, your midwife, GP or even call a counselling helpline. This is impacting on your daily life and you HP should be able to help.

mousebacon Thu 02-Jun-11 22:34:05

No words of advice I'm afraid ( I'm convinced I'll feel the same as you if I get pg again) but I saw it was you and wanted to give you a huge (((hug)))

Boogiemumma Thu 02-Jun-11 22:44:30

I can empathise with this, I'm 38+5 now but have maintained a small amount of anxiety throughout as I had mmc this time last year (12 week scan showed 9 weeks and no hb). It's often very hard to feel positive in pregnancy when you've had a bad outcome previously. I know I went to both 12 nd 20 week scans in this pregnancy in a heightened state of anxiety and cried both times.
Try to remember that you are past the most treacherous part of the pregnanacy now and that it's very rare for things to go wrong at this stage. Worry will not affect the outcome, just your enjoyment of what is likely to be a healthy pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end of it. Try and let yourself look forward to meeting your baby.
Definately worth going to talk to someone if your are feeling low a lot, your GP or perhaps the miscarriage association.
I did buy a fetal doppler to help cope with the anxiety - checking the heartbeat a lot in the early stage and this helped me, though many will say that it can provoke more anxiety as sometimes baby moves so much that you may sometimes struggle to find hb even though baby is fine. I also paid for a 4d scan to be able to visualise my dd better and feel closer to her while she's been in my tum. You'll soon feel lots more movement and this in itself is very reassuring.
Try to relax and look forward to meeting you're precious little baba in Sept. Good luck. xx

JenniL1977 Thu 02-Jun-11 22:44:58

Hey fondant, I echo ninipops above. DO go and talk to someone, either your GP or your midwife. Antenatal depression is becoming much more widely recognised. At my 25 wk appt with my midwife she had a long talk with me about depression and low mood in pregnancy, as I've struggled with depression in the past (although that's no indicator of whether you'll get AN or PN depression.) I know what you mean about your friends as well; my SIL has just told us she's pg again and I had a proper spin out fir two days about how it was unfair that she (and my other friends) are all on their second babies and I'm only on my first.
Not to be flippant, but I have absolutely found pregnancy not to be the joyful, happy, anticipatory time you're told it is either. I hate it, and the fact it makes me utterly irrational.
Good luck my love, but please do ask for some help. You're not on your own in how you feel.

Daisybell1 Fri 03-Jun-11 07:57:36

Hello Pink

How you doing?

As you know, I have had all sorts of anxieties throughout this pregnancy, and I have been diagnosed with pre-natal depression. It was actually a relief to get a diagnosis as I now know that I will get help to get better. Forgive me if I've bored you with all this already but the key to feeling better, I've found, is to get a good, non-judgemental support network around me. So I have:

My GP and my CMW - who are seeing me every week if I need it, although now I'm going up to 3 weeks between appointments

I was referred to a consultant psychiatrist (who was completely lovely and sympathetic) but he is happy not to see me again, although I do have access to his team if I need it. I was also referred to a counsellor but she was completely useless and laughed at me, nearly undo-ing all the good work of all the others.

The latest development is that I took myself off to the maternity unit to talk to them about my anxieties, and it transpires that they have a midwife who specialises in mental health issues and is seeing me next week.

For me, having the support is helping me to get better - I found that my anxieties were partly around not having a clue how to look after a baby, and so I've arranged to go and be a friend's au pair in a couple of weeks to help her out and learn. So I've had to do quite a bit of self analysis to work out how to resolve some of the anxieties myself.

My advice would be to go to your GP, or another more sympathetic one in the practice, or your midwives, and emphasize to them that what you're feeling is not 'normal' and you need more support. Just having someone professional acknowledge your fears and anxieties helps so much, and hopefully they can then suggest some coping mechanisms, counselling, specialist help.

PinkFondantFancy Fri 03-Jun-11 08:05:11

Thank you all so much for your thoughts. I will speak to the midwife when I see her in a couple of weeks. She is lovely and I know she waited a very long time for her baby so it's possible she felt a similar way when she was pregnant.  In the meantime I'm going to try and get more sleep, as I definitely find it much harder to keep perspective on things when I'm tired. I'm also going to go swimming this weekend as maybe exercise will help clear my head. 

Special squeeze for mousebacon-I really hope your much deserved BFP is just around the corner xx

<waves to Daisy> thanks so much for sharing your thoughts lovely, really pleased to hear things are going much better for you now 

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