Should I found out the sex of DC 3??

[frida75]

I've got my 20 week scan next week and I can't make up my mind as to whether to find out the sex of my baby! It's stressing me out.

Didn't find out with my 2 DS but because they are old enough to understand and get excited about a brother or sister they're desperate to know what they're getting!
I don't feel connected to this baby at all as I had 4 m/c before and I think I've been too frightened to become attached, I wonder if knowing if its a boy or girl will help?
DH doesn't really want to find out ... what am I gunna do??

Thanks

[mckenzie]

I wouldn't find out. You know you're going to have a baby when you go into labour. Let the sex be a nice surprise.

[RememberToPlaywiththeKids]

I had the same thing exactly and I have to say, due to the previous miscarriages, I did find that it really helped me 'bond' with the baby more during pregnancy, which was lovely.

[oh4goodnesssake]

Hello frida75 and congratulations! I am having my 20 week scan this week and we are going to try to find out the sex as I think that it will help my 2 DDs accept and understand a bit better. We loved the suprise with the other 2 but don't mind knowing this time. I think after what you have been through, this should be your call and you should do whatever helps you the most. Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope that all goes well x

[jcp123]

I didn't find out, I'm 36+6 with DC2. Though this pregnancy has been straight forward we had problems with the first and I was worried that I would become too attached and it would be difficult to deal with if anything went wrong - obviously this was a completely personal decision.

I sort of think that finding out is like opening your christmas presents early then having to wrap them back up till the big day. I think that knowing less helps the excitement and tension build, and it's more fun to pick two names.

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Yes, find out, bugger the surprise. It's surprise enough going through labour and getting a baby at the end.

[naturalbaby]

i knew with my 1st 2 so am having a surprise this time. this was a surprise pregnancy and took me and dh a long time to get used to the idea so the anticipation is really keeping us going in the last few weeks. i'm really excited now and can't wait to find out what we're having. i have found it wierd all the way through not knowing cause i felt so much more connected to my other 2 knowing they were boys and having a definate name picked out for them.
sil didn't find out with her 1st 2 but did with her 3rd cause dd1 is 4 and really wanted to know, and they thought it would really help her cause she was insisting it's a girl!

[frida75]

Thanks for your comments

I agree with your opening christmas presents early comment jcp especially as DS 1 was due at christmas and DS 2 due on my birthday!

just to add to the confusion DS 2 who's 5 whispered to my belly button...'I love you baby - but not if you're a girl' Maybe he needs prior warning of what might be coming!??

[Sparklies]

I found out with this one (DC3) - I knew it would be inevitable anyway as I am high risk and already have had probably 10 scans at only 23 weeks with plenty more scheduled. I also know exactly what to look for from previous pregnancies so if I caught even a glimpse we'd be spoiled so I figured we might as well embrace it. Plus, I just have an insatiable need to know - I figure it will be exciting enough meeting baby anyway on the day so why not spread some of that excitement forward!

However a good reason for not finding out is other people's comments. If you have two children of the same sex, you get either "oh, you must be so thrilled this one is different" which is what I get in our case (2 DDs, this one a DS) which I find annoying because it implies we wouldn't have been if he had been a girl. Or worse, if it's the same sex you honestly do get the arsehole strangers expressing pity for you from what I have heard from others. Unless you just opt not to tell anyone who asks of course.

[pulapula]

I personally would find out, to help your DSs prepare for the new baby. My DD was 4 when I had DS2 and she really wanted a DD so it was good to know in advance.

I have had 3 DCs and done it differently each time - first time we didn't find out (although i wanted to), second time we did (but kept it a secret and didn't let people know we knew so they wouldn't keep quizzing us!) and third time we found out and told anyone who asked. Each birth was special and exciting. I think it may help you with bonding too, although i'm sure just the chance to see your LO at the scan will be wonderful.

[frida75]

Sparklies I totally understand what you say about handling other peoples 'disappointment' on my behalf if its another boy, It makes me MAD! why on earth wouldn't I be thrilled to have another amazing boy like I already have.
I have even had people asking if I specifically tried to conceive a girl, even when they know I've had 4 miscarriages since DS2. They have no idea what we have been through. Oohh bit of a rant there - sorry!

I think I will find out, and might keep it secret from the kids for as long as poss so I can have time to bond and maybe give them a month or so before the arrival to get used to the idea of wee bro or sis!

[tlise]

With my first 5 I didn't want to know. This one I do as it would be nice to prepare colours. Might have known any child of mine would take after me. 5 Scans so far and everytime has its legs crossed modestly. Awkward I would say and having a laugh at me Grrr lol.

Having had the surprises before, I think its nice to know apart from anything else, so you can say he or she and know its right lol. I was convinced my only DD was a boy, 110% sure, and said he all the way through...so do I get a nice girly little girl? no I get a tomboy who hates dresses and pink and loves getting dirty lol.