Last day at work, feeling rubbish about it

[nutcrackerneepsntinseltatties]

I have been a rubbish employee these last few months. In April my Dad passed away suddelyy so I had some time off there and have felt quite low on and off since. I got pregnant which was a blessing as it gave me something to feel positive about but I have felt really ill all pregnancy and have been off a lot with it. Even when I was at work I was not performing well. Then this last week my aunt passed away and I had to take an emergency day there as another member of my family does my child care and had to rush off.

I had been desperate to get to this point so I could finally be off. My boss is lovely, really supportive and kind and I really like and respect her. As I was leaving I said something about sorry for being such a pain in the arse these last few months and she said 'Just a bit'. She said it in a joking tone but she wouldn't have said it if it wasn't what she was thinking.

Now I feel crap because I know that I have been a pain, because I really like my boss and I feel awful that she feels this way and because my replacement will not be in the state that I have been and will perform better than me for sure.

Am pregnant and emotional I suppose, funeral tomorrow in the same venue as my Dad's which I am not looking forward too at all. And now I just feel shit at everything too.

[wonderstuff]

((hugs))
Its all stuff you just can't account for isn't it? You've done the best you could under extremely difficult circumstances. Sometimes work just has to take a back seat to family, thats just the way it is.

I am very ill when pregnant, its so unfair that some women just sail through pregnancy unaffected, and for other people it is completely debilitating..

Get through tomorrow, then rest and finish growing that yummy baby. When it arrives it will put everything else into perspective.
tc

[nutcrackerneepsntinseltatties]

Thanks, I had a good cry after I posted that which was probably what I needed.

[sotough]

hi there, you don't say how far along you are with the pregnancy, but if you have time before the new baby arrives, you could maybe send your boss a card just saying how much you appreciate her support, and (assuming you plan to go back to work after your maternity leave) that you really enjoy/value your job and are looking forward to starting afresh when you return, with hopefully less bad luck on the health and family front. keep the tone light and cheerful and it can't do any harm. if you have the sort of relationship where that would feel appropriate, it might make you feel better, and i'm sure she would appreciate it.

[PipPipPip]

Oh, you poor honey.

You know, I think us women get a rough deal - juggling careers with the physical demands of pregnancy, being expected to organise childcare and provide emotional support to the family. It is seriously tough - no wonder we end up feeling guilty, or feeling like we're 'failing' at one or more elements.

And I totally understand your embarrassment at your boss's comment. Comments like that can really sting when you're feeling rough and low.

Just remember that it isn't your 'fault' and you haven't been a 'crap employee', you've just been pulled in many different directions lately.

I think sotough's idea of sending a card is great. I suggest keeping the tone light and grateful, rather than apologetic. After all, none of these things are your fault so you don't need to grovel, just offer some thanks.

I think your boss will appreciate it, plus it might give you a warmer feeling about work while you're on leave.

All the best x