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Sex in pregnancy

(3 Posts)
SuzieNI Mon 13-Dec-10 14:23:55

Ladies,

I an curious to know if I am going mad or if this has happened to anyone else? Since becoming pregnant in June 2010 I have been like a dog on heat and whilst my husband enjoyed the benefits of my increased libido in the early stages of pregnancy he won't touch me with a barge poll now that I am 30 wks pregnant!!! He blames his lowered sex drive on decreased sex drive yet I have caught him on porn sites watching young (20 yrs old +) girls etc etc. Now I am 35 yrs old, the size of a house, about as sexy as kebab and about as graceful as a duck. My concern is that after having a baby it is very unlikely that I will get my pre-pregnancy figure back, I will not live up to the images my husband has been getting his rocks off to whilst I have been pregnant. Should I also be concerned that he would rather have "alone time" than have sex with me. He is a loving, affectionate husband and very supportive but I don't want to be just his friend/mother of his baby I want to be his bed buddy too!

Anyone else had this concern, or am I being a ridiculous, hormonal, highly strung individual?

ursulabear Mon 13-Dec-10 15:06:13

Hi suzie. I've always had a higher sex drive than my partner and as you said its only been higher since being pregnant. There have been times that my partner has said no to sex as hes tired etc etc and i took it very personally because I assumed it was me being bigger, unsexy to him etc. I feel it is all in the communication when it comes to sex in pregnancy, it was new for both of us, my changing body, having to find new positions that were comfortable etc. I was just very open with him and let him know that when he said no i felt that it was because he didn't find me sexy or want me in that way, he reassured me it wasn't and genuinely he was tired. I'm now 33 +3 and we're still at it, i'd say more and hes now the one seeking it which makes me feel good.

As for porn, its usually a very personal thing, I would be a lover of it whereas my partner could take or leave it. Don't be offended that he watches images of other women, i know this can be hard but sometimes we do just need alone time and something to help us along, it doesn't mean u love your partner any less.

So my advice is, be open and honest to him that whats hes doing can make you feel a little unloved or vulnerable. Let him know it won't harm the baby(many do think that their weight on you, or even their penis may hurt/affect the baby) and you still want him. And yes, unfortunately hormones are a bugger, i'm the most unrational person i know at times, u just have to sit back, breathe and think from his view(if its new to you, what do u think its like for him!)

my biggest piece of advice is...learn to laugh about it! pregnancy isn't sexy at times, and the shapes you have to pull for some enjoyment can give u a right giggle if you both learn to relax! Good luck

GlitteryBalls Mon 13-Dec-10 15:34:41

Just deprive him of it for a while. I was a bit randy in the first trimester, then I don't think I had sex with him at all after that as I went right off it until a week ago and since then we've done it THREE TIMES! DP is so grateful he's getting it full stop I don't think it occurs to him to notice that I too am also about as sexy as a kebab.

On a more serious note though I know it sucks to be the one who is being turned down occassionally. But I think every relationship goes through phases like that. There must have been times when you were less up for it than your dp? Men are better at not taking it personally than us women, as usually the typical scenario is the man wanting it more. I'm sure he will love you just the way you are post-pg. Also I think men see us differently when we are very obviously pg. And, biologically he "knows" in the back of his mind he can't get you pregnant. I think on a primal level it makes sense that both parties should lose their libido a bit durng pg.

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