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CALM ME DOWN PLEASE

(17 Posts)
xkatyx Tue 23-Nov-10 18:26:45

Hi everyone,

This is my 3rd baby, im 29 weeks. but you wouldn't believe it the way i carry on and worry.

Everywhere i go or anything i read i keep hearing about still births and how 1 in 4 pregnancys end in some way ahhhhhh.

I just cant help freaking out

sh77 Tue 23-Nov-10 18:48:19

The title of your post in caps is a little over the top.

How about you stop reading about stillbirths? It is a little dramatic to say everywhere you go and anything you read is about stillbirths. Other than this, is your worry based on anything real/factual?

1 in 4 pregnancies end in the first trimester. Stop freaking yourself out by blowing out these stats out of proportion given that you are 29 weeks.

mrsbigw Tue 23-Nov-10 18:52:52

I blame the internet katy, years ago pregnant women only read happy ending birth stories in mother & baby magazine. It does make us all worry more.
Hope you feel more settled soon.

jammiedodger2 Tue 23-Nov-10 18:59:35

Hi xkatyx
It's amazing how when you are worried about something, it's all you see/hear about isn't it?
Add into that a healthy dose of pregnancy hormones and you've clearly got yourself in a right pickle.
One in Four pregnancies do end but as SH77 has already said the majority of these are before 12 weeks and actually your chances of losing the baby drop to something like less than 1% once you get past the 20 week point.
Still births are comparatively rare but if you are really stressing yourself out it might be worth mentioning it to youe MW who can give you a bit more reassurance about your individual situation.
Take care of yourself
jx

BlockedPoster Tue 23-Nov-10 19:13:57

sh77 - what an unsupportive and critical post. I'm sure it's done wonders to calm katy's nerves. hmm

Katy it sounds like you're very anxious - do you usually worry a lot, or is it pregnancy related? Were you like this in your previous pregnancies?

It sounds like you need lots of reassurance.

Still birth is really really rare, there's no reason to expect it. When you have your first baby, you're not really aware of the problems some women face, but by the time you get to your third, you've known three times as many women who know someone who knows someone x happened to, and then there's mn etc., and you just get to hear more tragic stories, and you become far more aware that these terrible things could happen to you.

Bear in mind bad news travels fast, and you never get to hear about the thousands of boring normal births, it's the sad ones that make an impact and, as jammie says, the worry is compounded by hormones and before you know it, you can't get the sad story out of your head!

And I know it's easy to say, but you can worry about anything you like till you're blue in the arse, sometimes you have to take a deep breath and say to yourself 'worrying doesn't change anything' and concentrate on what you can do - ie stay as healthy as possible and enjoy your pregnancy, and know that you are far more likely to have one of the boring normal births.

Getoutofmyhouse Tue 23-Nov-10 19:24:58

I'm 32 weeks and frankly I feel the same. On my first people smiled and told me life would never be 5he same- this time round I have been told about stillborns and some other horrifying stories. But I think the others are right Katy- the actual stats and likelihood are very low. As for w&at the media report- well, they're not going to start telling us about everyday normal births, that just does not constitute as news worthy or even vaguely interesting. Misery sells.

But. Don't let it ruin your pregnancy. Really close your 3ars and enjoy what you have and look forward to your baby.

saffy85 Wed 24-Nov-10 06:24:40

I totally understand. Usually I am a very happy sort of person while not pregnant but for some reason pregnancy makes me incredibly anxious, think it is the internet thats to blame, that and raging hormones!

The only advice I can offer is to not click on anything with "tragic birth" or similar in the title. easier said than done I know, and instead pore over "happy ending" type births. Like mums who gave birth to a healthy baby on the loo not realising they were even pregnant. things like this cheer me up loads. Or my own grandad who was late for work one day because he stopped to (safely!) deliver a lady's baby single handedly in her car on the side of the road (her husband had passed out from the shock of seeing the head coming out!) I love stuff like that smile

MmeLindt Wed 24-Nov-10 06:35:33

Have you mentioned to your midwife that you are feeling stressed and worried?

Is there a particular reason that you feel this way?

For one thing, block the miscarriage topic on MN then those threads won't keep popping up in Active Convos.

xkatyx Wed 24-Nov-10 09:40:55

Hello,

Thank you all sooooo much.

I am a big worrier anyway, i dont help myself, i think yesterday it seamed like that was all i heard about and i got far to anxious. Thank you all for the reassurance.

I dont have any particular reasson to be more worried apart from i have gestational diabetes, but i am being well looked after.

I think i will def have a word with the midwife on my next appointment.

wow saffy85 well dome to your grandad how amazing.

Thank you blockedposter, i really did feel that post was a bit uncalled for, as yesterday i was in a bit of a state.

Thank you all again.

x

sh77 Wed 24-Nov-10 10:25:27

Sorry for coming across as harsh.

Good advice from saffy - there are plenty of good stories.

StrangewaysHereICome Wed 24-Nov-10 16:41:54

I know how you feel - some days I feel very anxious too. Being my third pregnancy I can't help feeling my chances of another happy outcome are reduced - irrational I know. I too have heard some really sad stories from people I know and I have to grab myself and say yes but look at the school playground and all those happy endings. I wonder if the hormones make me more anxious.

I am glad you are feeling better today - take care xx

Margie32 Thu 25-Nov-10 12:04:55

Hi katy

Hope you're feeling better today. Maybe it's not much of a comfort, but a lot of days I feel just the same as you. In fact, I posted something similar to you a few weeks ago.

I lost my first baby when I was 20 weeks pg, and there's not one day that goes by when I don't think about him and all the events and circumstances surrounding what happened. It was really hard to get over and I could not bear losing another child. I am currently 34 weeks pg and am trying to think positive but there are days when I get stillbirths in my head and convince myself that it's going to happen to me. Everytime I look at all the baby stuff we've bought I fear that we're jinxing it. I remember hearing an interview on the Jeremy Vine show a few years ago which still haunts me - it was with a couple whose baby was stillborn, she'd had a very normal, easy pregnancy and there was no indication whatsoever that anything tragic was going to happen.

On Monday I went to speak to my doctor about my fears, and I recommend doing the same. She was so good at calming me down and assured me that stillbirths are very rare, and as most people have said, trouble-free births are the norm. She also said that at any sign of fetal distress they won't hesitate in doing a cs and getting the baby out.

Feel free to pm me if you want to talk about it at any time. Good luck to you, am sending big hugs and positive vibes your way

ThatllDoPig Thu 25-Nov-10 14:59:21

Katy, did you have a thread a while ago about a distressing baby story to do with your sister and baby? Sorry if I've got it wrong, if so, something horrible happening close to home is bound to upset and worry you, and make you feel vulnerable. Remember that the vast vast majority of mums and babies get through birth really well, and go on to have other babies. Try not to worry, and don't read the sad stories for now.

xkatyx Thu 25-Nov-10 18:34:31

Hi thatlldopig, wow you have a fab memory, yes it was.

I was with her when she had her forst baby and 2nd and both babies were very poorly due to group b strep, i must admit it has scared me alot.

i wish i was a chilled relaxed person i drive myself nuts.

bettywobble Thu 25-Nov-10 18:37:50

Hi don't worry, you arent alone in worrying about everything...and nice to see sh77 is being kind and caring to you too hmm
I worry about nothing and a friend gave me today a pregnancy hypnosis cd, its great!

fallingandlaughing Thu 25-Nov-10 18:44:12

please go easy on sh77 people.

you are right it is worrying but the reason that stillbirths are newsworthy is because they are very, very rare.

xkatyx Thu 25-Nov-10 18:45:33

that sunds like a really good idea actually, i will give that a try.

I think the whole "its to good to be true" feelings kick in like strangewayshereicome said i feel pushing my luck a tad having another.

I am sooo sorry margie, i dont know how i missed your post, i'm so sorry to hear you lost your baby, i honestly dont think there is anything that could be worse!

I feel stupid worry about it when there is genuine reassons for ladies to be scared and im just being a hormonal loon.
you will soon have your gorgeous baby in your arms and this scared feeling will be just a horrible memory, (thats what i tell my self)

Sending you all the luck in the world x

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