4yr old toilet regression, I’m desperate!

[Fallowfield]

My 4.5 yr old daughter has been toilet trained for a year and a half, and wiping herself independently for months. Suddenly she’s being really stubborn; she’ll be adamant that she doesn’t need to go, and then have an accident. She’ll deny point blank needing a wee, even when she’s holding herself and dancing around the room.
She might get to the toilet, but then stand next to it and wee or poo in her knickers.
If she does decide to use the toilet properly, she’ll refuse to wipe herself, and shout/cry/tantrum for us to do it. We wait this out, and leave her as long as it takes (periodically checking), until she calms down and does it herself.
It seems purely behavioural, no physical issues.
Nothing had changed at home, no life changes at all, nothing to explain this sudden change of direction. She’s just decided to plant her flag on this hill, and isn’t giving up any time soon.
I try desperately to remain calm, but after asking her repeatedly and getting “no, no, no” back, and then having to clean up poo for the third time that day, I start to lose my temper and then immediately feel horrible.

HOW do I solve this?! Has anyone done it?!

Tried a sticker chart, she doesn’t care enough to do it. Tried rewards, they don’t motivate her enough. Tried getting nursery involved to have a stern word, and it didn’t help. Please wise mothers... I’m desperate!

[Lmagic]

I also have a 4.5 year old daughter and have the same problem with wetting, ours has been ongoing for a long time, I also tried sticker charts and they didnt work for us too. We use the marble reward jar now. If she has a wee or a poo she can put a marble in but if she wets then she takes a marble out etc. On the top of the jar lid we wrote on a piece of paper what the treat is - we let her choose what treat she would like favourite soft play place, adventure place or a straight forward trip to the cinema etc. I ordered the marble reward jar from Amazon as it comes in a set. Maybe you could try that. The teachers use them in reception at schools xx

[ChloeAdams120]

You could see how she reacts to nappies again. I know my sister had this issue with her LO and she put him back into nappies he was in them for 2 days then decided he wanted to use the toilet again. It may also be worth getting checked for a UTI or

[WillowySnicket]

Also, a 4.5yo dd who does the exact same! Piggybacking for advice!

[Lostmymarbles1985]

My friends little girl did this, she tried everything but her little one just did not care, she even did it at school. In the end my friend made her clean her own pants after pooing in them and she hasn't had an accident since.

[endofthelinefinally]

Have look at the ERIC website, talk to their helpline. They are the experts on everything child and toileting related. They will give you good advice.

[NoMorePoliticsPlease]

I would go back to regular toiletting whether she wants to go or not. The marble jar is good but pleas dont remove one if she gets it wrong. She earned that marble and you should bever take away what they have earned. At home I would keep her without pants for a while. Dont expect her to wipe herself

[IceColdCat]

My DD trained easily and then had a regression when she was 4 (thankfully just wees not poos). I agree with not expecting her to wipe as that seems like one way in which you could reasonably meet her in the middle. Otherwise I think it's just patience, sorry! It didn't last long for my DD.

[CheshireAxe]

What does she like to do. Go back to rewarding her when she does something in the toilet. Like her fave book or 5 mins on tablet.