Help! Late toilet training resistance

[jaylajayne]

Hello. Just looking for some advice or experience with toilet training resistance in older children. DS2 is 3 years and 7 months and we've been trying to toilet train him on and off since he was about 2 years and 10 months. (Each time we've tried and been unsuccessful I've left it a little while before starting again). He starts school next September and I feel like I've tried absolutely everything but he just does not seem interested, doesn't even vocalise or realise he's done a wee, nothing. The last time we tried was October half term and he didn't even attempt to playball. We've got the standard potty, the frog urinal, a combined toilet seat with child insert, a seat with steps to go on the toilet, a small toilet seat cushion add on....literally everything. I've tried pom pom jars, sticker charts, rewards, story books, bubbles, not acting phased, promoting the big boy label/same as his big brother. Nothing has worked. He is at nursery 2.5 days a week and isn't influenced in any way by his peers either. I just feel like an utter failure of a parent and like he will never get out of nappies! He would happily sit in a wet crappy nappy for hours.

Not sure if it's worth mentioning but he has been put on movicol for his constipation caused by withholding. His brother (DS1) went through a horrendous episode of withholding from the age of about 3.5 and it's only really just sorted itself out in the last year (he's now just over 5). I'm not sure whether this has scared the crap (pardon the pun) out of DS2 or had some sort of affect on him/put him off toileting in general. I've been to the health visitor and the doctors, both didn't really help and just redirected me to each other, so I've given up on that front.

Thanks for reading this far if you've made it. I'm exhausted and at a complete loss and feel embarrassed for my son. Any help out there? Words of wisdom/reassurance? Any magic trick I've completely missed? Thanks.

[jaylajayne]

Anyone?

[flowerstar19]

Oh poor you, potty training is SOOO stressful! My son was a bit younger & didn't have the constipation complication but took a fair while to get it. In the end there was a toy he really wanted - so I printed a colour picture of it and made a chart where he had to be dry for 7 days to get it. Suddenly he got it and never looked back! May not work but possibly sort a try?

[Pindlesandneedles]

I have no advice but I think we will be in the same position. Our DD is just not bribable, she is not interested in going on the potty and likes her nappy. The closest we can get her to even considering it is to say she’ll do it later, but later never comes. Everyone we’ve asked for advice just says it means she’s not ready, but what if she’s never ready? Hopefully someone who had a solution will be along soon!

[donttellmetwice]

Hi Op

My background is 15 years in early years education. I have helped to train lots of children but am by no means an expert!
I would go again to the gp or hv and reiterate you need for advice and that one of them needs to help rather than recommending the other!
Have you taken lo shopping and let them choose their favourite underwear? Can be a great incentive.
Another idea is (harder at this time of year obviously) no bottoms on at all all day? Extreme and potentially messy but may work.
Does he go to any childcare at all?
Finally I think there is a Gina Ford (could be by someone else though!) about getting them trained in a week. I haven't personally read it but know parents that have and it's worked.
I have found that girls tend (not always mind!) to train earlier but take longer whereas boys train quickly but in less time.
I really hope you find some of this helpful and also don't fret too much, I have cared for a child older than your lo that took their time also!

[poshme]

No big advice, but just a BIG HUG.

I had a DC with toilet issues. It took a long time, and was very stressful.

So just a big hug from me.

[WantToLiveOnRakiura]

We know quite a lot of kids (almost all boys) who have taken until well over 4 to get it. He may just not have the interoception yet.

How long/ how drastic have the attempts been - could you cope with a week of either naked bottom or a million accidents in undies? We found DS withheld everything with naked bottom but got much better quickly once he had undies and shorts on. Still some rushes but 2 days and counting of no accidents...