4.5 yr old waiting till desperate and wetting pants

[Flippetyflip]

My 4.5 yr old DD waits till she is absolutely desperate every time she needs a wee and then although she goes to toilet and does some of the wee there her pants are always wet through. We feel we have tried everything. If you ask her to go to the toilet she denies needing it. She is headstrong and stubborn. We've tried motivating, rewarding, ignoring but nothing seems to work. Is this normal? Any tips?

[Sparklesanddiamomdsforever]

My dd does This, no advice but following!

[tictoc76]

Still have this with dd who has just turned 6. I feel awful cos her knickers are always stained but they are wet so much that unless I replace them all every month then that’s as good as I can get them. She never fully wets herself so it’s never noticed at school but she always just does a bit as she doesn’t quite make it to the toilet on time. Drives me crazy

[steppemum]

this is really common I think.
One reason is that they associate the 'bursting' sensation as the time when they need to wee, rather than the 'I'm a bit full' sensation.
Another reason is not wanting to stop what they are doing.

I had it with 2 of mine. We used a bottle and water jug to show them how the bladder works, so bottle fills up a little bit and then a bit more and then look it is nearly full, OH NO now it is right full to the very very top, and I need to empty it. Get them to pick it up to empty it and of course it spills over their hands.
Can do this as a game, everyone gets wet etc. But then try emptying it when it is full, but not overfull, and they can empty it without spilling.

That is your bladder. Grown ups, and older children have learnt to spot when they are full but not full to bursting. I wonder if you can elarn to spot that too.
Then make a game out of it, when she is busy, whisper - I wonder, are you nearly full, full or full to bursting????

Then reward each time they managed to recognise when they were full. (and be very laid none committal about the times when they get it wrong)

This also helped us with going for a wee before leaving the house or getting in the car, start with an empty bottle and there is loads of space for it to fill up when we are out. But if it is half full, not much space and we'll need ot find a loo/ stop the car quickly.

[steppemum]

works bets with a softer squishy bottle, not a rigid one!

[fuzzyfozzy]

Don't ask if they want to go, they always say no.

[steppemum]

another way to do it is to say we will go for a wee when the timer rings, and set it for 1 hour from now. Then when the timer goes we have to go! Then it isn't a battle of wills - you do need to, no I don;t, it is the fault of the timer.

[Flippetyflip]

I like the bottle and jug idea. We had tried explaining how the bladder works but I guess without pictures and something to see it's a bit of an abstract concept for a 4 year old. I will definitely try that, thank you steppe. Its also good to know we're not the only ones struggling with this and that it's pretty common! Although rather annoying