When did you start potty training?

[charlottexox]

DD is 17 months old and I am feeling completely pressured to start her on the potty by my in laws.
They have both told me that she should be using a potty now because their sons were potty trained by the age of 2.
My father in law pointed out yesterday that she has some nappy rash which I am seeing to at the moment with metanium. He said "it'll be like that until she gets on the potty." I felt upset because DD has been getting nappy rash often lately due to teething.
I spoke to my HV on the phone last week and she told me I should only start potty training until DD can actually tell me that she needs a "wee wee" or poo on the potty. She doesn't say a lot for 17 month old, just the usual - mama, dad, hi, yes, no and baby. So since DD doesn't talk I'm almost certain she will not understand when I tell her to use the potty. She does understand things, but I doubt she will understand about using a potty.
I have told my in laws this and they said "you'll have to go around with a potty and try and catch it when you can. I'm just feeling very upset at the moment as I feel pressured and feel like I am doing something wrong.
How old was your LO when you started this?

[endofacentury]

My dd is nearly 3 and not toilet trained. Her speech has only just got to the stage where she would be able to tell me. I do not care what anyone thinks. When they are older they learn quicker anyway. My eldest I started at 2 and I had 6 months of continuous accidents! Not doing that again

[Scotsmum2017]

Sounds familiar, my MIL had my DH potty trained by 11 months apparently!! Never heard such rot tbh. You’ll know when they are ready, they’ll know they’ve done a pee, no point starting until they are ready, will end up stressful for you and them, and potentially will scare them away from using the potty. My 2 were 2 and 4 months and 2 and 2 months. Go with your instinct, you’re their Mum xx

[Mol1628]

Both my boys were between 2 and 2.5. Most typical children are trained somewhere between 2 and 3 based people I know.

I wouldn’t try at 17 months unless the signs were there and it was difficult to hold off.

[Keepingupwiththejonesys]

Dd1 we started toilet training straight after her second birthday, she was ready and after about 2 weeks of the odd accident she was pretty much dry in the day but took about 6 months to be steadily dry at night. With dd2 we noticed that from age 20 months her nappies were dry each morning so at 21 months went for it and she was dry day and night within a few weeks. Ds is 12 months and I plan to wait until he's 2 until I start unless he shows readiness before then. 17 months is so early.

[Mol1628]

You need to work on not feeling pressured by your in laws. If you let this get to you it will be something else, then something else...

[charlottexox]

What are the signs that DD would be ready to be potty trained please? Thanks so much for these replies, it's already making me feel loads better

[Jenala]

My DS is 2 years 8 months and I'm probably going to start potty training in the next week or two. I think he's ready. We'll see I guess!

Running round after your child catching their poo or wee in a potty isn't potty training. It's catching their shit in a potty

To get out of nappies they need to be physiologically and also psychologically ready! If you would like reassurance I can really recommend "The Gentle Potty Training book" by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. There is a large section about readiness which may help you feel better.

They are being arseholes, by the way!

[charlottexox]

Yes very true. I do feel pressured in most things they say.

[Anatidae]

We are doing to try with ds when he is 2.8 and it’s summer. He’s only just starting to be verbal enough. No point doing it here (sweden) in winter - too many layers on them!

I think if you can do it when she’s showing signs of readiness then it’ll be done quicker with much less stress. I’m sure some kids are ready at 17m, but I doubt the majority are.

Practice some deflection lines for the in laws:

Hmmm well advice has changed so much since they were little, it’s been a long time

She isn’t ready - she’s not verbal enough to tell us when she needs to go

Actually all the evidence and our HV say that it’s better to wait until they show signs of being ready - it’s done quicker and easier then.

You don’t need to justify it tbh. She’s your child.

[Anatidae]

Ah so there’s a wider setting of them imposing is there? Sympathies.

[Anatidae]

Signs of readiness;

Pulling at a wet or dirty diaper.
Hiding to pee or poop.
Interest in others' use of the potty, or copying their behavior.
Having a dry diaper for a longer-than-usual time.
Awakening dry from a nap.
Telling you that they're about to go, are going or have just gone in their diaper.

Da is starting to pull his nappy down and park himself on the pot (parked in the living room so he could get used to it.) he’s also interested in watching us pee and sometimes says when he’s gone.

So as soon as the snow has gone (fucking June last year) we will crack on

[wysteriafloribunba]

My first was 3, my second was completely dry day and night at 18 months. Dc1 was completely resistant, and refused to go near the potty when I first tried, so I left it and left it until the point where it was getting ridiculous. Then I just put them in pants, and after wetting themselves a couple of times they opted for the potty and it was all done in a day.

DC2 wanted to copy DC1, which made things very easy.

I think I may have slightly missed the window with DC1 though as I had a newborn when they were turning 2. By the time I got myself together enough to focus on it they had got quite self aware and self conscious about toiletting.

A gentle way of starting is to sit them on the potty while you are running the bath, and have a wee at the same time yourself. Helps them get the idea. No pressure, no song and dance if they do, just part of the normal routine.

[Scrumptiousbears]

I tried a few times with my DD before she was 3. Both times I gave up on day one as I could see she wasn't getting it. Then I waiting until she was 3 years 3 weeks and she was clean in 3 days. It was so painless.

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

Firstly ignore your in laws, they don’t get to dictate when you do stuff like this!! Secondly I’d recommend reading the oh crap: potty training book. I used it with my DD at 26 months and it was great.

I think it’s true that potty training used to be done earlier (hence your PIL going on about it) - the book does recommend not leaving it too late, she recommends between 20 and 30 months. Her theory is it’s easier when they are younger as they haven’t developed such a sting sense of free will - I’d agree with that from my experience. My DD is just getting more and more challenging to get her to do anything.

[Rainatnight]

I'm reading a very sensible and entertaining toilet training book that I read about on here called 'Oh Crap'. It recommends between 18 and 30 months as the ideal window, for various reasons it goes into in the book. But that's actually a really big window and you have to do what's best for your child.

There does seem to be a lot of pressure around it these days.

If I were you, I'd blame the weather and say you want to do it when it's warm and he can run about naked.

[Rainatnight]

Oh sorry, cross posted on Oh Crap!

[kellycwp]

Grandparents always have an opinion don't they?!! I would tell them you'll do it when you feel they are ready. Every child is different, I think it's unfair to compare them.
17 months is far too young.

[NSEA]

My inlaws were the same. Even buying pants for her at 18 months trying to persuade me it could be done. I waited till my dd was ready because its much easier that way. My dd was 3 and she literally figured it out straight away and never had an accident. However, my friend who started potty training at just before 2 is still struggling now at nearly 4 as he refuses to poo on the potty. I would wait until your child is ready or it will become a task.

Tel your inlaws that you will wait intil you’re both ready. And repeat that.

[InDubiousBattle]

Ds was around 3 and a half. He was late to talk and just wasn't ready until then. He cracked it in a day. Some of my friends started much earlier and were scraping poo out of pants for weeks on end. Dd is 2.7 and we might try when the weather improves.

[purplemunkey]

DD is 3yrs 3months and she's just started using the potty/toilet pretty reliably. She's very independent in everything else and speaks very well but was just not interested in going on the potty at all the previous times we tried (probably not long after 2 and again last summer).

It was her idea this time, she asked for the potty and just started using it. We've had a few accidents but are pretty much there a week later.

Give it a go if YOU want to (not your in laws) as I know some kids get it a lot earlier, but don't stress if it isn't happening. He's still very young.

[charlottexox]

Love your reply ladies. Have told my in laws DD is not ready and I am also not ready to start. They dropped over some of bits and pieces from yesterday and mother in law said "Andy had severe nappy rash so I had to get him on the potty asap" well DD's is not severe so do not feel like now is the right time to potty train her. I just hate the comments they make slyly like "aw you'll have to tell mummy that you need a wee wee soon" or "this nappy rash will continue until she's in pants and on the potty.

You ladies have made me feel loads better, also my cousins son is 4 months older than DD and he still isn't potty trained either, so I'm glad I'm not the only one.
My partner actually made a comment this evening "I think she should at least be trying" he's obviously been listening to his parents silly comments which angers me as was expecting him to understand my current view on it

[Rainatnight]

Jesus, that nappy rash thing is tedious, isn't it? Babies just get by sometimes, specially if they're teething. It's not a reason not to use nappies.

Also, tell your DP that there's no such thing as 'trying' to potty train. You're either doing it or you're not. (And at the momen, you're not!).

I'd be asking him and the ILs why they're so keen for this baby to grow up so quickly.

[Littlecaf]

I’d say “you’re welcome to come over here everyday from morning til bedtime for a few weeks and potty train her.”