How to get my daughter to tell me she needs to go to the toilet?

[miriaminmx]

A little help needed!

We started potty training our daughter (2.5 years) this week and it's been good so far but we are stuck at a hurdle that we can't move from putting her on the toilet to her asking to go.

Yesterday she managed to stay dry all day with me putting her on the toilet every hour but today I took the tactic of starting to ask her and she is just peeing in her pants again. Feels a little demoralising. Should I go back to putting her on the toilet?

She tells me when she has done a pee or poo, can pull her knickers and trousers down and up by herself and really enjoys sitting on the toilet. We have a sticker chart, peepee song and she gets to watch her favourite monkey video if she manages to pee on the toilet. Everything seems to be going well, except her asking.

The nursery were really unhelpful with supporting us in training her so I kept her at home for a few days (i work from home so this was doable) to get her used to the toilet. But she will need to go back in a few days.

Any tips for what to do next?

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

Telling you she needs to go is quite a big step so I'd say give it time. I wouldn't keep taking her but say something like 'I can see you need to wee. The potty is just here when you're ready' to start prompting her to move to the potty/toilet on her own.

I used the Oh Crap method but one thing I would say is, does she need to wear pants? With Oh Crap, you don't put underwear on for a couple of weeks because the theory is that the tightness gives them the secure feeling of a nappy so the can have more accidents. So I would ditch the pants and just wear leggings and dresses or easy to push down trousers and tops for a few weeks.

[miriaminmx]

Thanks for the response!

When i say trousers - i really mean leggings or tracksuit trousers.
The challenge is that I need to be able to work with her nursery on this and they can't give the 1:1 attention that I can at home.

[insancerre]

Stoo putting her on the toilet
Let her have the accidents so she can work it out for herself
She needs to feel what a full bladder feels like, then associate it with going to the toilet

[HumpHumpWhale]

Why are you training her now before she can tell you that she needs to go? Genuine question.
My son totally refused to be trained until very late, but once he was ready, we had very few accidents (4 in the first three days). I think it took until day 3 for him to start going spontaneously. We do remind him before leaving the house or periods when we'll be away from a loo for a stretch, but other than that he's fine without prompting 3 weeks in. Waiting for him to be ready was definitely not the quick approach but once it happened it was so so easy and stress-free.

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

I’ve also just potty trained my daughter using the Oh Crap! Potty Training book. She’s just over 2. It was really good - we’re only 6 days in but she seems to have picked it up quickly and is telling me when she needs to pee or poo. I think the first few days of just watching really closely and then putting them on when they start to pee helped her form the association. She wouldn’t have told me before, so I don’t think there is a problem with training them before they are telling you - the book goes through how to teach them to make that association.

Maybe it’s worth you reading that?

[miriaminmx]

This sounds really good. I completely agree that they don't need ot be able to tell you - that's what potty training is for!
I've been watching her for three days now (going a little crazy from watching her!) and definitely see some trends.
Going to buy the book now!

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

Good luck! I went a bit bonkers on day one, but once she started showing progress it made it all worth it. It’s really hard work though watching them like a hawk!!

[miriaminmx]

Did you find it made a big difference not wearing knickers?
My daughter quite likes wearing hers and likes to pick them out each morning.

[Doublechocolatetiffin]

She has got knickers on now, I did move quicker than the book suggested on that one (mainly because she’s so skinny her trousers fall down and knickers help to keep them up and cover her up if we’re out!).

I only put knickers on her though once she seemed to get it. She was asking to pee even when wearing a nappy (which l put on for naps and at night). So I thought she was ready for knickers.

First few days she didn’t wear anything on her bottom half, then leggings for a few days then knickers too.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

I put knickers on DD after about 2 weeks but I found that in the early months, if she had an accident, taking them off and leaving her commando really helped to reset things if you know what I mean.

You can but try! I'd read the book to get an understanding of the whole rationale and see how that fits with where you are.

[theothersideoftheworld]

I put my ds in pants from the start and watched him like a hawk. My CM was really good too and just regularly put him on the potty. It took him about 3 weeks to start telling me he needed a wee / poo.

[Decaf83]

We have the same problem with our 2 and half!
We're 5 days in and have to remind her to go. She'll go quite happily if we mention it but very rarely go of her own accord. She'll just wet or poo herself. Yet we know she knows when she needs to go as on occasion she's got down off our knees/sofa walked to potty and pulled her pants down and gone with no comment/reminder from us or her!
She has sticker chart and special felt pens to use when on potty but she still won't ask.
Hoping she gets it in a week or so....