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2.5 year old - potty trained for a wee but not poos! What next?

(10 Posts)
bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Sat 19-Aug-17 22:44:48

DD started party training at 2 years and 2 months. She was showing signs for months - asking to go to the toilet, pulling down her nappy and sitting on the loo (although not doing anything). So we got potties and training seats for the loo - upstairs and downstairs plus the same for DGM's house and lots of knickers!

The potty training was going well. She would use it on command and sometimes of her own free will. She responded to praise (clap, well done, big song and dance and sometimes a lolly) and accidents were on occasions - not every day and usually when she was engaged in play. She would even sometimes get a bit teary with it dribbling down her legs. However, she has not ever and will not do a poo on the potty or toilet.

The poo situation has become a bit tricky and I have no idea how to progress this. My HV said to allow her to do what she wants (poo in a nappy or knickers), change her but don't speak to her. DD hides, so she knows what she is doing, tells us to go away and 'does it' - nappy OR knickers. She will even refuse to be cleaned and sometimes we've not known if she's outside/inside playing and I'm busy and she's quite happy to 'sit' in it!!! I've tried taking her to the potty/toilet but she 'tantrums' and by the time I get her there, she's done it. I've asked where we do our poos and she tells us 'potty', so she knows where to do it. I wouldn't mind so much about the poo if it was once a day, but she's not a 'once a day' person - she can go up to 5 times! That's 5 pairs of knickers ruined. Sometimes they can simply be washed and other times, they are non salvageable. When we are out and about, she wears a nappy because we can't guarantee that we near a toilet and of course there's the poo ...

So I don't know what to do.
1. Do I continue with the HV's advice - knickers, let her poo, change her and not speak when changing her?
2. Go back to nappies? try again in a few months.
3. Hurriedly carry her to a toilet to do her poo?

I've no idea for the best! DS had poo issues at aged 2. He held onto it. It was caused by nasty comments from DGP's (not meaning to be malicious - simply different generation thing) and we struggled on occasions going through phases of soiling himself, holding on, movicol and now aged 5 he only goes once every 2 weeks due to 'elongation of the colon'.

Clearly I messed up with him and I don't want to mess up again.

OP’s posts: |
user1495997773 Sun 20-Aug-17 14:37:03

I can't really offer any help, I'm afraid, but I'm in a similar situation with my DD who is also 2. We've been potty training for 4 weeks now and she is very good with her wees both on a potty or on her special loo seat, but she won't poo on either. I guess I'm lucky in that she normally only has 1 poo a day! Hopefully another nice MNer will be able to give us some useful advice X

agirlcalledmove Sun 20-Aug-17 14:49:29

This is really really common and children are often completely dry for months before they will even contemplate pooing in a potty or toilet.
Often children retain poo and only do it in their night time nappy. Your HV is right to say make no fuss or bother about it at all.

If your DC is able to express herself you could ask her if she wants you to put on a nappy for her to poo in.

The fact that she hides to do it suggests that she has picked up a certain amount of stress around the issue.

For us we see sitting in poo as dirty and smelly and yuk but of course for these little ones they have been doing it all their lives. It may feel comforting whereas a cold potty might not, let alone a splashy noisy toilet bowl!

Warm squishy things that come out of us have all sorts of "magical" ideas attached to them in little ones minds...we just don't know what they are thinking as they often lack the vocab to tell us.

I once had a child (slightly older) draw me a picture of the poos in little boats being sucked into a whirlpool and drowned...she was afraid she was killing something when it went into the water in the toilet.

lornathewizzard Sun 20-Aug-17 15:10:48

No real advice really but just to say we are in a similar situation. DD been trained for wees for about 4 or 5months now (and she did very well with training, only a handful of accidents). She did an early poo in the potty and perhaps one more but will not do it now. She gets very distressed at the idea.
So if she needs a poo she asks for a nappy and she does it and then I change her.

I figure it'll come eventually. She said to me once she's doesn't know how to get the poo out her!

pileoflaundry Sun 20-Aug-17 15:55:24

I agree with the HV, try to make as little fuss about it as possible. Although I know it's hard, especially at 5 per day.

Both of my DC took a while getting the hang of poos, it seems to be normal. For both of them, bribery with a chocolate button for every success was the deciding factor.

I didn't throw the knickers/pants out though, just washed them like washable nappies. 60 degree cotton wash with a pre-wash.

agirlcalledmove Sun 20-Aug-17 16:40:03

PS If your child will let you put a nappy on when she/he needs to poo after a couple of weeks you can get them to sit on the potty with the nappy on and see if that will break the bad association with pooing in the potty.

No pressure though....

The way to make poo come out is not the same as wee....the feelings are different and children may just no know how to make it come out on the potty/toilet.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Sun 20-Aug-17 22:32:07

Thank you!

You have given me some ideas. I hadn't thought of asking if she wanted a nappy on to poo in and then asking her to sit on the potty whilst wearing the nappy.

I had gathered that she was stressed about it due to her hiding and telling us to go away.

Now is the time to catch her hiding as we aren't always successful seeing as going behind a little corner, a sofa, under the table or simply round a bend in the open space kitchen/diner/family room is what she does!

OP’s posts: |
SheepyFun Sun 20-Aug-17 22:46:28

We were in a similar situation - DD potty trained for wees at 2.5, but it was a full year before she'd do poos on a potty or toilet. She too would hide (and only do them at home, which made things easier). We tried various rewards, and she did eventually get her poo toys. Ironically, it was a bout of mild diarrhoea that persuaded her that she could poo on the potty - it was coming out very easily, and she was very happy to get a poo toy when this happened!

To be honest, I think what actually happened was that she grew up a bit. And it may take a while. The main thing I'd suggest is that you don't get stressed about it - you don't want your DD to start witholding, as you're only too aware, and that's more likely if you get stressed.

But I just wanted to reassure you that she'll probably get there in the end.

agirlcalledmove Mon 21-Aug-17 11:03:28

Don't forget she can still use a potty for wees even if she wears a nappy/pullup

Mol1628 Mon 21-Aug-17 13:13:42

My son is the same. I don't know what to do. He's 30 months now and we've been training for two weeks. He's great with wee most of the time, and dry at night, but continues to poo in his pants. Usually when we are out of the house as well. It's very frustrating.

I just keep encouraging and mostly ignoring accidents. But he definitely doesn't like to be dirty he tells me straight after he's done it.

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