Help! I've screwed up night training

[SnoozingCyborg]

Okay, so my 4.5yo DS was making it through the night dry around two thirds of the time about six months ago, with indications that he could hold on from at least six months before that with occasional dry nights (including times when he woke up dry and refused to wee in the morning just to see how long he could hold on for, like some kind of wee-holding competition, and made it for about 18 hours total). When he was wet in the morning six months ago it was pretty much down to laziness or 'forgetfulness' - i.e. he'd wake up, forget he wasn't wearing a nappy anymore, and lie there half awake and wee himself consciously, thinking he was wearing his favourite portable toilet. Then be like 'Mummy, I did a weewee, I forgot I wasn't wearing a nappy. Can I have a chocolate coin anyway? PLEASE?'

Anyway, he caught a cold sometime during the winter, and it seemed to be really diuretic. He'd do massive wees in the bed even by 10, 10:30, then frequently at unexpected hours in the night, and I was was going out of my mind with the laundry. We switched back to nappies to wait it out. And since then, it's been all downhill. He became even more lazy and even cheeky about it, and would wee in his nappy even before he got into bed, and say he 'forgot' to go the toilet with a grin (he is totally potty trained during the day, can even wipe his bum). And he just stopped bothering to try to remember not to do his big morning wee in the nappy. It's like he traded off the dry night chocolate coin incentive in his mind for the leisure of not having to worry about remembering not to wee in the bed. I asked him 'when do you want to stop wearing nappies at night?' and he said 'When I'm a grown-up' and cackled like a maniac. Over my dead body, kid.

To make things worse, we have really screwed up I think because we have been 'lifting' for quite a while at around 11pm, but we can't manage to wake him up properly anymore, and I suspect he's become psychologically accustomed again to weeing in his sleep. So it's like we reprogrammed him but in precisely the opposite way it was meant to.

But it's summer holidays now, and my DH is a teacher, so I'm thinking - he has the time to deal with the laundry, it's now or never! We've got four weeks to try again. I've put DS into 'Flip' training pants (officially not nappies but 'special pants'), we have loads of boosters, and DS knows it's game on now. Any practical tips? e.g. Yes, I know, wake him up when we take him to wee in the night, but HOW? Maybe make him do a standing up wee instead of a sitting down wee??

And yes, I know not weeing at night is a physiological/hormonal development milestone, and you can't push it to happen through 'training', but he was in fact ready six months or more ago, and the process started well over a year ago. I literally gave away an entire double carton box of nappies the day before he got that diuretic cold because I was so confident and pleased that my Big Boy was finally mostly dry in the night, and then I had to re-order them again.

What a fail.

[dementedpixie]

I don't think it's now or never tbh as he's only 4.5 years old. Waking in the night is not actually recommended to promote night dryness either. Your child also needs to be on board with tacking it too and it doesn't sound like he is. See the ERIC website for more info:

www.eric.org.uk/Parents/age_to_stop_bedwetting

[Groovee]

It's quite common to be bed wetting until age 7. I know our school nurse wouldn't deem it a problem until then anyway. I think you are expecting too much. My Ds was nearly 5 before he was dry at night while dd was dry at 2 and a half. Every child is different.

[SnoozingCyborg]

Yeah well, that Eric website says lifting is fine, and that I did all the right things by taking off the nappy when I did in the first place.

Classic Mumsnet!

[dementedpixie]

It says lifting is fine as long as you wake them fully. It also says if they aren't interested then to maybe delay (and there's no need for your sarcasm when we're trying to help!):

If a child appears to be disinterested or not bothered about stopping wetting the bed, although it is understandably very frustrating for a parent, it is perhaps best not to pressurise a child at this stage.

You could start by finding out whether your child really wants to become dry at night.

Talking about the good things about being dry can give you some idea of the extent of your child’s wish to be free of bedwetting. Wanting to be dry helps your child make sense of the methods you may be considering trying to resolve the bedwetting.

Helping your child to feel in charge of the plan to become dry is very important.