At what stage do you just give up?!

[spotofcheerfulness]

DS is 3.2 and has never wanted to potty train, despite all his friends being out of nappies for ages.
About a month ago he suddenly decided to wear big boy pants and I was very encouraging, as it was the first sign he'd showed of being up for it.
It started ok ish, but 2/3 weeks in it's got even worse. He's never pooed in his potty (but does every day in his pants) and had about 5 wee accidents today> he just doesn't seem to realise when he needs it, or is that bothered when it happens.
He doesn't respond to bribery (reward charts, stickers, etc) and I'm tempted to give up. Thing is, he's pretty old as it is, and I hate the idea of him thinking he's failed, is less of a "big boy" etc. But it's driving us both potty (pardon the pun) the number of times I have to change him...
Any ideas, please? TIA.

[BlackSwan]

How do you react when he has an accident?

[spotofcheerfulness]

I either quickly change him and say, "never mind, just try and ask next time", or if I'm more harassed and it's the second time in an hour and we're out somewhere I will ask him if he realised he was going to do a wee, because i'd just asked him a moment before. Sometimes he does (and asks) but I can count those times on one hand.
I can't work out if it helps that I change him quickly and try to not make too big a deal of it, or (as someone told me yesterday) I should leave him longer when he's wet so he realises it's uncomfortable. Only problem with that is a) he doesn't seem bothered that he's wet and b) I don't want it getting all over the house!

[thisisyesterday]

i would give up with the potty and try him on the toilet.
IME (as a mum of 3 boys) once they get past about 2 the potty just isn't big enough and is uncomfortable to sit on.

my lot refused point blank to sit on a potty but were all happy on the toilet.

can you tell when he needs to go? does he hold on for a long time?
those are key I think. my 3 often had no-nappy time because they were in cloth and after tea there was no point putting another nappy on because it wasn't long til they'd need a nighttime nappy.
when it got to the point when they were holding it in and then doing it in the nighttime nappy I knew they were able to control it and thus could be potty trained.

i know that makes it sound really simple, but we had our share of accidents an stuff too. but if they can hold onto it that's the first step I think.

if you can tell when he needs it then don't ask him. just say "you need the toilet" and take him. if he does a wee on the toilet then give him lots of praise

oh, i also found it easier to leave them half naked... for some reason it worked better and they would have accidents in pants, but not when naked.
my theory is that when they were busy and not really thinking about it, they knew that they had something on down there and were not able to conciously recognise that it wasn't a nappy

[spotofcheerfulness]

Thanks for replying . I tend to get him to sit on the potty in front of the telly (I know, not ideal) so he's more relaxed and it usually happens, but without him realising it. I tend to get him to sit on it every couple of hours which results in something, but it's not in response to his need.

You're right about the potty size (and he's a big 3), but he seems a bit keener to go on the potty than sit on a loo. Maybe there's more pressure if he's in a bathroom and it's obvious what's expected, as opposed to the potty in a living room.

The naked thing could be a plan (must whack the heating up) as he sometimes asks "am I wearing a nappy or pants?".

I do wonder if he's feeling the pressure - he was like a different child tonight after I said he could wear pull ups (after the 4th accident today). Much happier. Would it be a massive backwards step to get him to wear pull ups or should I persevere with the pants? He is still quite babyish in many ways, despite looking about 4 - he has a dummy for sleep and likes a bottle of milk in the evening. He only just moved out of his cot three months ago, and I haven't pushed the matter as I haven't wanted him to feel pushed out by his little brother (now 1).

I was planning to wait til the summer but thought I should grasp the opportunity when he suggested it. Maybe it's still too soon though?