DD trained at home, won't use toilet at nursery

[rhetorician]

DD is 2.10 and has been trained for just over a week; she doesn't have many accidents at home, and takes herself off to either toilet or potty - we remind her occasionally. Last night she even asked to go to the toilet after she was in bed, and actually did a wee.

The problem is that she will not, absolutely will not, use the toilet at nursery (she goes all day Monday, all day Weds and Friday morning). I have tried taking her there and she just says 'I don't want to'. So she holds her wee, and inevitably has an accident at about lunchtime. On the days she is at home, the training seems to hold up OK, but it is clearly making her anxious and for the first time since she started she says she doesn't want to go to nursery.

Does anyone have any experience like this? Is there anything we or they can do to convince her it's OK? Once she realises that she can wee there I think she'll be fine. I feel that we have gone too far down the non-nappy road now to turn back, but obviously holding her wee for hours at a time is not that great.

Thanks

[girlywhirly]

If you sent her own potty in to nursery would she use it, do you think? I remember a friends DD had to have her own toddler seat on the loo in reception class at school, after a term she decided to do without it.

I think the more she sees other DC using the toilets with no problem, the more likely she is to try herself.

[rhetorician]

not sure - they have a straight to toilet policy, and DD is almost the oldest in the toddler room, so there's only another couple of kids using the toilet there I think. I can't work out for the life of me what the issue is - well clothing partly, and the fact that she isn't used to asking to go (as I say, at home, she just goes off and does it, mostly).

They are being very patient (it's still only an accident a day), but there will come a point where they get fed up. Hopefully she will change her mind soon (she is a stubborn little thing)

thanks for replying, I appreciate it.

[girlywhirly]

That seems very rigid. Surely a DC using a potty has to be better than having an accident.

However, perhaps you could get DD to practice with you asking to go to the toilet, even whispering to one of the staff if she feels embarrassed to say it in front of the other DC. Also make sure she wears really easy to pull down and up clothing, and practices this too at home. Elasticated waists, no dungarees or zips and so on. Also, tights can be difficult, so leggings/jogging bottoms/trousers would be better.

[TeWihara]

I would ask about the potty - we're having this problem too and DDs pre-school was happy to have her potty there, or her own toddler toilet seat/step might be reassuring.

They're also happy for her to just take herself off to the toilets instead of asking.

I feel your pain though, it's really frustrating.

[rhetorician]

seems as though she is unwilling to use any toilet that isn't in a familiar place (e.g. will use toilet at grandma's house). We'll just have to hope that her desire not to wet herself will overcome her desire not to wee anywhere else other than her own toilet...(I hadn't anticipated this particular problem!)

[SkinnyGirlBethany]

DD had this problem- actually it sparked her to regress (and she only goes 1 day per week)
We sorted it thou-

First thing - DAMAGE LIMITATION- get her to go to the loo before she goes to nursery and when you drop her off ask her to show you the toilets
When you Pick her up take her to the toilets at nursery

The days after she's been to nursery I found that she'll go back to normal (complete reliability) if I remind her and bribe her to have her first wee in the morning early- cue lots of praize relief

Speak to the nursery staff- and your dd- ask her if she likes the toilets there- if not why not.

Each time you drop her off and pick her up- ask the staff about it/ raise it as a point of concern iyswim

The more they are on board the better.

My dd since we identified this to be the problem has not had an accident since.

Dont get too stressed out about it as youll both end up upset

[rhetorician]

thanks skinnygirl - staff seem fine, and I do try to make sure she goes before we leave. Have also been taking her to toilet there at drop off and pick up. But we did have a break-through today - she said in Tesco 'I need to go to the toilet' and we went upstairs (thankfully this one has a cafe) and she did actually do her wee. So we have broken through that one. Now she just needs to get comfortable with someone else taking her.

[RitaMorgan]

Do they do a scheduled nappy change at nursery? Maybe they can just make it part of her schedule that she goes into the toilet at 10.30am and 2.30pm (or whatever the times they do are) so she doesn't have to ask - they could take all the toilet trained children in together.

[rhetorician]

they do, but I think DD likes to feel that she is in charge of it; I'm sure she'll get there. Today's willingness to actually wee on a toilet other than at home is, I think, a hopeful sign

[rhetorician]

sitting here fretting about her; took her in this morning and down to toilet - she says firmly 'no, I don't want to' - I say 'fine', but tell her to remember to ask and not to wee on her knickers. Yes, she nods, no, she shakes head. Whether she will or not is another question altogether...I wish I knew what the problem was. At home she goes herself, or asks, even before going to sleep when she has a nappy on! so she is trained now in my book...