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DS 2.8 still not trained. Not sure he's ready and getting stick off MiL's comments....

(21 Posts)
BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 08:59:40

Ok, so about 4 months ago, DS did a wee on the potty at nursery so we rushed out, bought potties for home, big boy pants and made a big fuss of him. He then put his teddies on the potty for one day, and after that ignored them for weeks. I didn't want to force the issue and turn it into a big thing so we put the potties away and decided to try again later. Only thing is, that later hasn't come as he doesn't seem to have any interest in them ? although he did do a wee again at nursery so potties out again which were totally ignored. I wasn't worried as feel like he will do it in his own time, but MiL is making some pretty stupid comments about it all. She lives 200 miles away (thank Christ), but the first thing she asks when she calls is: "is DGS `clean? yet?" I hate that description!. Also, when we last visited her she started on about it within 5 mins of being there. We changed the subject by telling her about DS' best friend at nursery (a girl) and she said "Huh, you can't have a girlfriend and still be in nappies". As usual, DH didn't say anything. I said that he'll do it in his own time but really took it to heart.

I'm rambling somewhat. We have now got DS in pull-ups full time (would only wear them at nursery previously) which is a bit of progress, but he still doesn't seem to be able to tell us when he's done a wee or poo or if he even wants to go. I know deep down that he isn't ready, but I feel like I should be pushing it now. Should I, or am I just sensitive to the comments. If I should be pushing it, any tips on how would be gratefully received. DS is my first so I'm not sure if I'm doing anything right?

Many thanks.

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 09:00:38

Sorry for the typos

TheApprentice Mon 12-Sep-11 09:06:00

Well if it makes you feel any better my DS is 3.1 and still in pull-ups. We tried potty training him over the summer holidays and again last week, but the bottom line is he is just not ready (older ds was over 3 too!) - he doesnt want to sit on the toilet or potty even with huge incentives (stickers, chocolate buttons, presents!). Its embarrassing as he's now at nursery but he just aint ready yet so what can I do?

Luckily I don't have any relatives giving me grief over it - I feel for you. You are just going to have to ignore her as you can't force a child to be potty trained - he'll do it in his own time.

ladyintheradiator Mon 12-Sep-11 09:09:53

My DS was in nappies/pull-ups until 3.3 and I think he'd have stayed in them longer (medical reason for training which I won't bore you with) - anyway this has left me an advocate of waiting. If you believe he isn't ready - then trust your judgment. Next time MIL asks (and yes what a horrid way to phrase it as if he is dirty FFS) roll your eyes and say 'he is clean yes - do you mean is he potty trained? no, not yet (big smile)'

And there's 'trained' and then there's 'trained' IYSWIM. Of course lots of children are ready at a much younger age than my DS was but our 'potty training' took one day. One single day. He is 4 next month and I can count the number of accidents on one hand. It was easy for me, easy for him, what's to be negative about?! smile

Imnotaslimjim Mon 12-Sep-11 09:10:51

Is MiL one of those that isists her kids were dry by 12 months old? OH's grandma was like that, and she insisted that DS was "slow" and "backward" shudder because he was attempting it. Didn't matter that the poor child couldn't walk yet!

Anyway, 2.8 isn't late to be starting as apprentice has said, her 3 yo hasn't managed it yet. The average age is actually just over 3 so I wouldn't be worrying too much just yet. They'll let you know when they're ready and just ignore the comments. You can't force him to use it!

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 09:12:08

Thanks TheApprentice You know, the nursery is great and not fussing at all, it's just MiL. I am with you on not forcing as what is the point. My nephew was pretty much forced as a nursery wouldn't take him unless he was trained and he's now 5 and wets and poos himself. It's really sad.

You're right though. What can you do but wait. So glad that witch lives miles away grin

Thanks again.

CokeFan Mon 12-Sep-11 09:15:34

My mum hassled me about my dd too. He may well not be ready yet but he's unlikely to do it on his own without some input from you. If you do try it, give it a few days when you haven't got much on. We did some preparation with potty books for children first.

There are lots of different ways of potty training (and a mumsnet guide). Some people do it gradually - nappy off for an hour a day then gradually extending the time until no more nappies. We did the "no pants". Basically nothing on below the waist for a couple of days (in the easily moppable kitchen). Had no trips planned for the week and basically focussed on watching what she was doing. There were lots of accidents. They're going from being able to wee whenever they want to having to realise when they need to go, getting to the potty and sorting out clothes.

Rewards seem to work well too. Big cheer for any successes with optional chocolate/toy reward. Dd is allergic to milk so we got her a kitchen off ebay with lots of accessories and she got 1 accessory per wee.

Meglet Mon 12-Sep-11 09:16:13

DS wasn't PT until he was 3.4. DD has just turned 3 and we're a few months off her cracking it I reckon.

I don't have the time or patience to 'force' it on them. We have a bash for the odd day, see how we get on, then if it doesn't work we leave it for a few weeks. DD has decided she loves her huggies pink princess pull-ups so we're getting there, even if I'm bankrupted in the process.

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 09:17:00

Thank you so much all. I know that he isn't ready but it's good to hear that I am doing the right thing in trusting my instincts and waiting. And yes, MiL is very old school. She also refers to him as a 3 year old which winds me up as there's such a massive difference in development from month to month. She winds me up full stop to be honest.

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 09:23:43

cokefan I think getting him in pull ups was an achievement as he'd gone mad at them for months. Now he is getting used to the pulling up and down sensation, I am hoping that the next step might be the potty or toilet. DH and I both work full time so there's not many occasions where we don't have much on I'm afraid. I am hoping that DS might be ready on my next batch of leave, but I guess I'll have to play that by ear.

eaglewings Mon 12-Sep-11 09:23:52

Could you try thinking up some quick response answers to, " is he clean yet" such as
Yes he had a bath last night
He split his lunch but we changed his top
He doesn't tell dirty jokes any more

As for saying things in front of him, either ask her to stop or don't see her until he s potty trained even if that is months away


PGTip Mon 12-Sep-11 09:25:12

Agree with everybody else has said. One thing I would suggest tho I leaving the potty out. If your ds can't see it he won't think about it. With both my dc we wrapped the potty up and gave it them ad a present so they knew it was theirs. There was no pressure to use it (gave it to them on their 1st bday), but we left it in the living room by the fire. The both ignored it for about 6 months, but then started to play with it. DD was dry in the day at 2.4 & ds was 2.6 (I was very lucky), and I do think having the potty around daily helped with their familiarisation.

You sound as tho you have exactly the right attitude in that it will happen when your ds is ready. It will smile

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 09:33:08

Many thanks PGTip It's funny as I put the potty away as didn't want it to become part of the furniture but maybe they should be. Good tip, thank you. I'll get them out again as you suggested. We have nothing to lose.

eaglewings I don't know why, but everytime my MiL slags off my parenting - and she manages it about once an hour on average - I can never think of a comeback until I'm seething on the car ride home. I only see her once every 6 months max now so I think that might be my coping method. grin

TheRealMBJ Mon 12-Sep-11 09:34:17

Bambino I also agree that you are doing the right thing by waiting, ther is no need to rush into it and anyway, once he is ready it will be so much less fuss and easier for you AND less stressful for him, than trying to push the issue before he is ready.

My DS is much younger than yours (21 months) and he is in cloth half the time (which I think might make a difference) but we did buy a potty about a month ago as he was having a wee on the bathroom floor every evening before his bath. We are NOT potty training him yet but when his nappy comes off before jumping in the bath, I ask if he wants to do a pee and put the potty under him. Mostly he pushes out a little wee (WILL not sit in it, but holds his penis like daddy hmm) and I make a massive fuss of him. In the last week or so, he has occasionally bought me the potty when we are upstairs and then we have a go. It's a bit hit and miss, but I figure that we aren't really training him yet and he's still much in nappies full time so I'm not worried about it at all.

Do you think that just having the potty next to the loo and largely ignoring it might make him used to it?

SusiaX Mon 12-Sep-11 10:26:36

I tried with my DD when she was about 2.4 but she was weeing way too often – about every half an hour – and just wasn't keen, we did catch a wee or two on the first day but day 2 she refused point blank to sit on the potty so I gave up. Tried again at 2.6 and it was much easier and a month on she's pretty much there (only has accidents at preschool).

It really is so much easier when they're ready and people say to me that she's still quite young to be potty trained (with regards to the preschool accidents) which I didn't think was the case as some children are trained much younger than her but they're all different and I think the worst thing you can do (well it was certainly the situation with my DNephew) is to make it into a big deal as everyone gets stressed which is not helpful!

NellyTheElephant Mon 12-Sep-11 14:42:36

Don't let the comments get you down, but equally he won't just suddenly be ready without some input from you. As PGTip said I'd keep the potty out and like MBJ why not ask him to sit on it for a few mins when you get him up in the morning and a few mins before his bath (let him choose one story for you to read him). Since he has done the occasional wee already you might find he does lots more and starts to get the hang of it. I did this with my DS and it became part of the daily routine, no results at all for ages and then suddenly the wees started and that was it - in no time at all he was trained.

ceebeegeebies Mon 12-Sep-11 14:49:38

DS1 was not potty trained until he was 3.1 and he just 'got' it straight away - no accidents, no need to let him run around with no pants on etc so I can only assume that he was ready and therefore picked it up without any problems (had previously shown little inclination to wee/poo on potty).

DS2 is now 2.10 and still in nappies (it is like deja vu wink). He is showing even less inclination to wee/poo on potty <sigh> so god knows what age he will potty train. However, I am trying to be patient and wait as I know from my experience with DS1 that it is so much easier if you just wait until they are ready.

We do have potties in both bathrooms and he will sit on them at least once a week...but has yet to actually do anything in one!!!

BambinoBoo Mon 12-Sep-11 16:05:49

Many thanks everyone. I guess I'll be getting the potties out again and we'll take it from there. Glad to hear that it's not unusal not to be trained at this age and I will continue to ignore the comments - through gritted teeth grin

cara2244 Thu 15-Sep-11 20:58:07

Similar story here....every time I see my mum she is on my case about it. I have told her to stop hassling DS about it! Not trying anymore is working for us. Off his own back he has decided to wear pants once or twice a day at home. He has bright bots which hold some wee so IT doesn't go all over the floor, am

cara2244 Thu 15-Sep-11 20:59:37

Ooops, bloomin' phone!
If he wees in the pants I put him in a nappy.
But I am in no hurry now. He is 2.9.

MrsJamin Thu 15-Sep-11 21:09:39

DS1 was 3 and 6 wks when he successfully PT. You need to chill, boys can be tricky! Good luck.

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