Partner's mental health, intrusive thoughts

[Violove]

Hi,

Sorry if this is long, but I'm just looking for a bit of support or to hear if anyone has any experience of this themselves.

I have birth in February and my partners mental health is suffering. He's always had anxiety (which was under control with medication) but it's worsened since the baby arrived.

A new symptom is intrusive thoughts about him or others harming the baby. He is not the kind of person to do anything like that at all so he's finding it very distressing, to the point he's felt suicidal and at 10 days post partum I had to take him to A&E.

After lots of googling it seems this a common issue in mums and dads, but understandably it doesn't seem to be talked about much.

My partner will only talk to me about it as he fears being judged, but it's not nice for me either to hear these thoughts about my baby.

Any advice would be very gratefully received as I'm feeling very alone in this. It's hard enough being a first time mum as it is x

[FortunesFave]

How difficult. My DH has had ongoing mental health issues and what he had to do was completely give up alcohol, coffee and tea. He wasn't a big drinker...a few drinks per week but we realised it made him much worse. it also affected his sleep as did the caffeine.

Does your partner drink much? How about his sleep? Other tips are to try art...anything creative....painting, musical instruments...clay...anything he's interested in.

It's easy for people to say "try mindfulness" but when you're wrapped in anxiety, it's hard...art offers something you can actually DO which has similar effects of mindulness.

Also, walking out in green spaces is proven to help with anxiety.

[Violove]

Thanks for replying hope your DH is doing well.

Thankfully he doesn't drink alcohol and caffeine is minimal as they do definitely effect him. We are also making sure we get out for a walk with the pram every day.

The art is a good idea, keeps you busy and relaxing so I'll mention that to him thank you x

[BunnyRuddington]

So sorry to hear this @Violove

What happened when you took him to A&E and how are things now?

[Violove]

Hi, still the same unfortunately, but thankfully he begins CBT telephone appointments next week. Keeping everything crossed that it works! A&E was a waste of time to be honest, just referred him back to the GP even though it's the GP that told him to go there

[jessstan2]

It is very common to have unpleasant, intrusive thoughts in the post natal period.

There are ways of diverting them which are quite effective and they do pass eventually.

I'm really sorry you are going through this, I know it's horrible while it lasts but, honestly, it isn't unusual.

At such times it does help to have someone with you, even if you are the sort of person who isn't fond of company.

(A good book is 'Panic Away', by Barry McDonagh. Useful for intrusive thoughts at any time, not just the post natal period.)

[Violove]

Thank you. It's reassuring to hear it's common, I don't think you always realise as it's understandably not something people will want to broadcast. Ill have a look at that book too, thanks

[jessstan2]

Good luck, Violove.

You are right it isn't something you want to or even can talk about which of course makes it worse. It's like a silent scream. I really hope it passes for you before too long, it is such a relief when it is gone.

[Violove]

Must be a huge relief. If you don't mind me asking, is it something you've experienced? My partner has got worse and I've had to take him to A & E again this morning due to him feeling suicidal this time he had a plan in place etc. So hard as I'm not allowed in with him and have the baby x

[BunnyRuddington]

Oh @Violove all of this sounds so difficult, especially when you have such a young baby to look after.

Have they hospital admitted him now? Have you got any friends or family that you've bubbled up with that you could see today fir a chat?

[Violove]

Hey, no he has now been sent home with a prescription for new medication and the crisis team will visit tomorrow. Because of the intrusive thoughts they have had to make social services aware (even though he has never and never would harm our baby). I had a social worker calling me telling me not to leave my baby unattended with him etc, I'm mortified they are involved as my baby is happy, healthy and well looked after

[BunnyRuddington]

I had a social worker calling me telling me not to leave my baby unattended with him etc, I'm mortified they are involved as my baby is happy, healthy and well looked after

Please don't be mortified, they need to just see that your baby is being looked after. Just do everything they say.

Really feel for you, this is such a lot to cope with