Post natal ocd and anxiety, please help !

[Mummyrj18]

Hi there I’m looking for anyone who has experience of post natal/maternal ocd.
I have two children and I’m pregnant with my third. I keep suffering with intrusive thoughts that I hate being a mum or that I’m jealous of my daughter being prettier than me. I feel guilty wearing make up or washing my hair because I feel like why am I trying to look nice ? I don’t think there is any truth in these thoughts but just thinking them makes me feel sick. It’s pretty much all I think about. Constantly arguing with myself that it’s not true. I try to think back to when I didn’t think like this and just looked at my kids with so much love and enjoyed being their mum. So scared I’ll never get back to that. Any success stories ? Whenever I see someone post that they hate being a mum or wish they hadn’t had a child I go into total panic that I feel that way too. Constantly want reassurance that people think I’m a good parent. Scared I have just been ‘faking it’

Sorry for long post. I am on sertraline which helps take the edge off the anxiety but the past few days have been bad. Maybe hormones kicking in from pregnancy.

[Mummyrj18]

Anyone 🙏🏻 Xx

[Mummyrj18]

Can anyone reply feeling so low xx

[Sundance5]

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP, these thoughts sound really distressing for you.

It sounds like you could be experiencing intrusive thoughts which are linked to OCD and anxiety. They can be so strong that they feel very real. Please let your midwife / GP or health visitor know so that you can get the right support.

[Dee887]

Sorry your going through this.

I’m a first time mum and I am feeling so low. I have loads of support but I still get all these awful thoughts. I can’t seem to stop them and I am so up and down. Every night this week I have felt different.

I am not too sure how to help but just letting you know your not alone!

Your not a bad parent. I never used to be like this, I am thinking it’s the hormones but I have no clue why I feel the way I do.

Hang in there! Hope your feeling a bit better!

How are you finding sertraline? Do u find it helps?

[SummerHouse]

I had this.

Thoughts about second baby not being as good as first baby. Thoughts of harming baby by accident. Horrifying.

I am through the other side and life is good. I am so grateful for my children who both earnestly told me the other day that I couldn't be a better mum.

I did pregnancy yoga and that was a bit of a godsend for me. I also went to every baby and toddler group going just to have some structure to the day.

You know these thoughts aren't real or rational but it doesn't make them less horrifying.

I would speak to a trusted friend, partner, midwife, family. Anyone you trust to reassure you and say the right things that you need to hear. You are a good mum, these thoughts are not real but they are common, don't let them win, get out every day, distract yourself with things you like doing. Good luck op.

[Mummyrj18]

Thank you trying to keep busy and enjoy the moments I feel happy feelings. Sertraline definitely helps stop full on panic attacks and makes it more manageable but it’s still a struggle. Feel very alone even when I try to explain how I feel, they just think it’s the usual ‘mum guilt’ or that I just need time to myself. I think I need therapy to help but it all takes so long to access. I would like to try yoga I think it would help me...
Unfortunately just yesterday I found out my dad has terminal cancer and my anxiety has gone sky high again. Not sure how I’m going to cope.
Thank you for your replies it really helps when someone else understands because I feel crazy sometimes! I appreciate it xx

[Dee123456]

I’m so sorry to hear. Sorry your going through such a rough time. It’s a horrible feeling. You just want to be better but can’t and then you are getting such horrible news.

I also find no one quite understands. They just say it’s just being mum, it’s not an easy job etc etc. None of which helps.

[Sundance5]

So sorry to hear that you have had bad news.

It's very common as a new mum to get the odd strange or disturbing thought and to be able to let it go and move on. Due to sleep deprivation/ stress / hormonal changes.

It's not ok and you should not have to tolerate extremely intense and frequent distressing and intrusive thoughts. Keep pushing or get someone else to push on your behalf for some CBT. Many services prioritise new mothers and have specialist perinatal mental health teams. Your circumstances have changed so push for more help. Unfortunately in these times of austerity it's whoever shouts the loudest. Write down the problems you have before seeing someone as it must be hard to get everything said when you are feeling this way.

Best of luck, things will change, you are not stuck like this forever.

[Mummyrj18]

I have my first midwife appointment in a couple weeks so hoping I can access help through that. It’s just so hard to explain the thoughts... I was fine after the birth of my first two, but have had various episodes of really bad intrusive thoughts for the past 6 years... only found out they were called intrusive thoughts from google which has probably helped more than my GP sadly ! Usually I recover in between but this time I feel it’s taking over everything, now with my dad too I’m already get bad thoughts about him. Thank you I need the words of encouragement! Sometimes you feel like you’re making it up people don’t realise how much thoughts can affect you 😔
@Dee887 are you getting any help at all ? X

[Dee123456]

I am but I feel it’s such an uphill battle and no one quite understands how I feel. GP, HV just rely on tablets. I am doing some talking therapy but all I want is just to feel better and start to enjoy life again.

Hope things pick up for u & midwife can provide some help.

Know you are not alone & things will get better! This won’t last forever!

[Justaminute123]

Sorry I’ve just come across this thread, but thought I would post incase it’s still helpful to others experiencing similar.

I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling OP and others posting on this thread. I can recognise myself in your posts. I experienced post natal OCD after my son was born, although I can see I had some anxiety pre-pregnancy but not sufficiently so to warrant going to the GP.

I would google to try and reassure myself that my feelings were normal, but any reassurance gained wouldn’t last long, or there would be something different about the poster’s circumstances to make me doubt whether I could really compare myself to it. I would also seek reassurance from my husband that I was a good enough mum and ‘check’ my feelings towards my baby to ensure they were sufficiently loving towards him.

Turns out my reassurance seeking from the internet and my husband were just feeding the anxiety, giving the thoughts veracity and creating more intrusive thoughts in turn. In the end CBT was a great help, in combination with getting more sleep gradually over time, my birth injury getting resolved with surgery, hormones eventually settling down etc. It’s hard to pinpoint how it all happened when I suspect there were a number of factors involved.

I understand that OCD thoughts tend to go after the very things you care about most - in my case, my relationship with my child and my abilities as a mother. I became so distressed because I actually do care about those things very much, whereas OCD tries to tell you the opposite. If I didn’t actually care, it wouldn’t have induced the anxiety that it did. It was only when the anxiety subsided that there was room to experience positive feelings. Trying to push negative feelings away and force positive ones just didn’t work.

CBT specifically for OCD type anxiety worked wonders for me, combined with meditation. I’m a bit of a cynical person but was surprised how well meditation worked at quieting my mind and learning to not get drawn into the traffic of my thoughts. I used the headspace app on the recommendation of my therapist but I’m sure a variety of options exist online. I’d imagine yoga as has already been mentioned would be great too.

My therapist also had me complete a brief worksheet to chart my anxious thoughts, labelling the ocd thought type (can’t remember the various categories) and then chart on a graph the duration of the anxious feeling and intensity of it. Sounds a bit odd but trying to take an outsider’s perspective on the thoughts and my reaction to them was an effective alternative to reassurance seeking compulsions. When I felt the urge to check online or with my husband, I’d tell myself I would do it tomorrow if I was still worried then - more often than not I wouldn’t be worried about it anymore or I’d have moved on to a new worry by then. The intensity and length of anxiety symptoms began to tail off surprisingly quickly after that and then stopped altogether. I actually feel less anxious in general now than pre-pregnancy and like to think that the whole experience will make me better able to support my child should he ever experience a mental health issue himself.

I’m also so sorry to hear the news about your dad OP. This must be so very stressful and makes it even more important to take good care of yourself. I hope you begin to recover soon x

[Mummyrj18]

@Justaminute123
Sorry I’ve just seen your reply ! Thank you it helps when someone understands how it feels. I had a better spell but with all this lockdown stress things are getting on top of me again 😞 like trying to enjoy just watching a movie with my kids which I want to do but then I’ll get intrusive thoughts like ‘you don’t want to be a mum so what’s the point.’ Or that I just care about myself not my kids. Still struggling to access the help I need xxx

[Justaminute123]

Hi Mummyrj18, glad to hear you had a better spell but sorry to hear you’ve had a flare up -I think it’s telling that you can link it to the lockdown stress though, which shows it’s not really to do with the content of your intrusive thoughts themselves although it will feel like it is iyswim.

I initially saw the local CPN at our GP practice, who was v nice but agreed that his techniques were more suited to general anxiety rather than OCD. NHS waiting list was pretty lengthy and I was fortunately in a position to go private. I appreciate that comes at a cost, but well worth it if it’s a possibility. Many may do Skype/telephone appointments, especially during coronavirus outbreak?

Alternatively there are some good books out there - ‘managing OCD with CBT for dummies’ was helpful, but to be honest for me I needed the help of one to one CBT (exposure and response prevention specifically) to really be able to apply it effectively in my own circumstances. Perhaps sharing this thread with your GP/midwife/private therapist would be a helpful next step? Take care x