Is this normal first time mum anxiety or something more?

[SRK16]

I’ve struggled with anxiety my whole life but have been much more on top of it in recent years. However since having my little boy 3 months ago I find I’m struggling. To an extent I think this is normal but I am finding myself very overwhelmed and tearful. My husband thinks I’m being irrational/negative/over-thinking.
Examples:

• find it hard to leave baby to go out. I am BF but he has some formula when in the care of my parents/husband (not often, once a fortnight or so). I can’t enjoy myself when I’m out as I’m worried about baby. Don’t want to go out and meet friends or socialise as I worry about being away from him and worry he won’t accept a bottle and will be hungry (has happened, but feel this is partly my fault as he’s not used to the bottle). I do the night time feed and by the time I finish it it’s basically too late to meet anyone, but I’m scared to let my husband do it for me.
  

-I haven’t wanted to take baby into central London to meet friends as I felt it would be overwhelming and maybe difficult to manage him on the tube

• I haven’t wanted to drive anywhere far away (more than 20 min/motorway) as baby hates the car and starts screaming and I find it really stressful. I am challenging this now and have been driving a bit further and it’s been ok, but I still dread the m25 and want to avoid until baby is bigger and hates the car less in case of traffic
  
• feel very very stressed and panicky about having to leave baby overnight for a wedding in October when he will be one... to the point that I can’t sleep and had a panic attack. Baby would be left with a relative he knows well, but in another house so unfamiliar environment.
  

All of this has made me quite weepy and stressed. I thought these were maybe things others would worry about but now I’m wondering if this isn’t the case and if I need to get referred for some support.

[Elbeagle]

Your baby is 3 months old! I have three, and at 3 months had never left any of them to go out with friends. I don’t suffer from anxiety, I just wasn’t ready.
It can be overwhelming taking a baby out on your own at first, especially into a large city. The best thing to do is to plan it all in advance. The more you do it the easier you’ll be. Again, your baby is only 3 months old!
My first two DC were fine in the car so we did plenty of journeys. DC3 is now 12 months and screams on long car journeys, so I avoid them as much as possible.
I didn’t leave any of mine overnight until they were 2. DS is 12 months and I haven’t left him yet. I was due to go to a wedding when he was 10 months but he was ill. Some people are happy to leave their babies with a trusted family member, others aren’t. There’s no right or wrong.
So in my opinion none of the things you’ve mentioned are abnormal. But if you feel like you’re struggling then there is no harm in speaking to someone.

[SRK16]

This is helpful. I feel I’m not being unreasonable with most things and that my husband has unrealistic expectations/ doesn’t get it. It’s really getting me down and making me tearful. I don’t want to be unfair to him and stop us/him from living our lives but I also feel I’m being pushed too much too soon. It’s making me feel very lonely.

[Elbeagle]

Do what you feel comfortable with. You’re 3 months post partum! Honestly I’m not an anxious person at all but wouldn’t do most of the things he’s pushing you to do.

[doadeer]

I didn't want to go to central London till DS was 4/5months and even then it was to have lunch with DH then leave. I wanted to be around my area and not miles away.

I didn't want to leave DS either, I think the first time I did for more than an hour and a half he was 6/7 months.

I used to sometimes do a yoga class or get nails done locally but neither meant I was away long.

I think it's very common and normal. Don't worry!

[SRK16]

Thank you both, this is very normalising and reassuring.
I ended up chatting (crying) to my husband last night and he was more understanding about it all which helped a lot. He said we’ll see how things are nearer the time re wedding but if I’m not ready to leave the baby then we’ll not go/work something out. So I feel better.

[GetTheSprinkles]

I'm not a hugely anxious person. FTM to an 8 week old and I could have written all of your bullet points. I think as I'm EBF it makes things trickier as I worry he won't want pumped milk and will just cry until I'm home, so I've not left him yet (and I dont plan to!). My mum keeps suggesting I go grab a coffee without him and I'm like... why?! I'd feel weird leaving him so dont plan to until I feel comfortable.

[LiquidGold20]

You are experiencing normal emotions and feelings. You are a new mummy, and it will take some time for the dust to settle. Don't worry, it's not unusual to not want to go anywhere far, or to do an overnight stay somewhere, or to not want to leave baby. This is very very normal! You are doing fine x

[melissa1215]

I'm feeling the same, I'm a first time mum so I'm not sure how normal it is

[Anna783426]

I think your partner is being a bit unrealistic here. Be led by your instincts and your baby - there's no need to feel pressure to go out if it's not what you're happy doing, and just because you feel like this now doesn't mean you will in the months to come. Breastfeeding creates such a close bond with your baby it's no wonder you don't want to disrupt that. My husband is similar and said a few weeks after I gave birth that we could still "go anywhere and do anything" - I didn't disagree but just because we can doesn't mean that I want to!