Regret at not BF

[Macaronibaloni]

I have a 4mo little girl. It was a terrible labour first baby 36 hours we both got an infection and ended up with emergency forceps delivery. I was so tired and drained as I lost a lot of blood at delivery and had low iron levels throughout pregnancy anyway! I felt such pressure to be able to breast feed and my DD is tongue tied so after 4 attempts of trying and not being able to get the latch and DD just screaming I was sooo tired I just gave up and started bottle feeding.

But lately I have been feeling quite low and having a lot of regret and guilt that I didn't breast feed as originally it was something I really wanted to do and experience. I don't enjoy feeding times with DD anymore and don't see it as bonding time just stressful (she also has reflux which doesn't help). Has anyone else experienced this? Obviously there's no going back just wanted to know if anyone has had the same feelings or could it be slight PND creeping in?

[ew1990]

I BF for the first 7 days and then switched to formula as I nearly passed out from exhaustion and was falling asleep feeding, I feel really guilty that I gave up, but when I spoke to midwife at 10 day visit and she asked me was I still BF and I said no she said I'm not bothered how you feed her as long as she's fed, I understand how you feel as I regret it now,

I'd give your HV a ring and just explain how your feeling

[Macaronibaloni]

I'm so glad someone knows how I feel. Thought I was being stupid! Thank you

[metalmum15]

I breastfed my first for a year, it was amazing and I figured I'd do the same with the second one, no problem. Two weeks in and I had actual holes in my nipples! Even my midwife was horrified. I was constantly crying because of the feelings of guilt putting her onto formula. After a few weeks, i realised she was happy, healthy, well fed, and bonus was that dh could feed her too. Don't feel bad. Your bond with your baby will still be amazing. When she's older, honestly, no one will ever be able to tell how she was fed, just that she is loved!

[allthecheese]

I combination feed my 3 week old. I never thought I would even consider ff, but after realising how tough ebf is, we moved to combi feeding pretty quickly. I actually really don't enjoy breastfeeding at all, and think this whole 'bonding' aspect to it is over sold. I bond more with my little girl when she looks into my eyes. BF is just a battle to be got through.

It's only a few months of your baby's life. My mum exclusively breast fed me, but then fed me all kinds of processed meat and sugar that I'm sure have had way more impact on my health than 6 months of breastfeeding! It's so much more important that your baby is fed and thriving.

[stargirl1701]

I stopped bf at 3 weeks with DD1, regretted it and then relactated at 14 weeks. Mix fed her from then until 12 months. It helped me make peace with it.

[Flicketyflack]

Sorry to hear how you are feeling 💐

My two children, now 13 & 10 were not BF it has not adversely affected their lives 😊

[Bringonspring]

Looking in the past is always hard because we consider the memories without the same levels of emotion, eg you start to say ‘was I really that tried’ ‘was I really exhausted’ ‘I’m sure I could have BF’ look at the facts and try to remember the emotions as well, you made the right decision at the time and the chances are you would 100% make the same decision under the same circumstances again.

People can focus too much on ‘Could’ve, should’ve, would’ve’ and forget to live and focuse on the present. You have a beautiful health baby that is all that matters

[aaahhhBump]

To be honest I think we all feel a bit guilty but it helps to talk about it. I beg my first till she was 2 and a half but my second was combination and pretty much sacked me at 6 months.

They are now 2 and 5. It didn't affect my bond with either of them but I do feel a little sad but she's a contented wee soul.

[Macaronibaloni]

I feel way better knowing I'm not the only one who's had these thoughts and definitely feel a bit less guilty! Thank you everyone

[dinosaurkisses]

I had the exact same experience OP- wanted to BF, attempted it but DD wouldn’t latch and then gave her a bottle.

I felt a bit guilty for the first few weeks, especially after reading some of the posts here and seeing women who show such determination to BF despite more difficulties than I had encountered. It made me feel like I had let DD down.

She’s four months old now and very happy, perfectly average sized and meeting her milestones. I don’t regret it now.

I realised two things- firstly I NEED my sleep. Not having to BF every two hours means I can still function and DD doesn’t have to deal with a zombie mammy (not saying this is the same for everyone, I’m just a princess who can’t handle tiredness).

Secondly I realised that at no point was DD going to turn round to me and tell me I should have bf her, just like I never did to my mum.

I’ll be giving it another shot with my next baby, but for now I’m happy with how things turned out- having to FF really isn’t the end of the world (unless you dont have a perfect prep machine 😂)

[Macaronibaloni]

Dinosaurkisses - I love my perfect prep machine!!! and I do feel lucky sometimes as DD sleeps 9 - 8 plus I have friends who breastfeed and get stressed because there baby won't take it expresses so they can't leave them for longer than 3 hours so I guess there are benefits especially as I'm also a princess who can't function on less than 7 hours 😂

[Vibe2018]

I did breastfeed and my children are 8 and 6 now and it feels completely irrelevant now that I did.

When babies are so small your emotions are all over the place - as your baby gets a bit older this will matter less and less to you until eventually you will hardly think about the baby stage anymore -you'll just remember a blur of sleepless nights.

Some people go on about the bond of breastfeeding but to be honest you are going to bond with your baby perfectly the same even if you are bottle-feeding.

Look around at all the children and adults you know who were bottle-fed - I presume they are, by and large, happy and well-adjusted and doing perfectly fine?

And breastfeeding isn't necessarily enjoyable in the early days - I used to feel chained to my baby and a bit frustrated for the first few weeks.

I think being a new parent can be overwhelming and you might be feeling a bit fed up so keep an eye on your moods.

Just remember that you will never be a perfect parent because they don't exist. Just do your (reasonable) best for your baby and your baby will be happy enough.

[anothernetter]

Argh! I just lost a really long reply I wrote to you but just to say I was unable to BF my first baby and spent so much time agonising over it. I wish I had focussed more time on enjoying those precious early days with him instead. He is now two and a half and is no worse off for being FF. In fact I was able to BF my second baby and they were admitted to hospital twice in the first ten weeks of their life with life threatening infections and then got bronchiolitis when they were six months old. I don't think it helps that there's so much pressure on women to BF these days - Please don't give yourself a hard time over it. You did what was best for you and your baby at the time.

[DeadButDelicious]

I breastfed for 3 day's before I had to give up. I had help at home, my husband was around my mum was around, I got plenty of rest, food, water etc but for some reason as soon as DD latched on I literally felt like I was going to pass out. I have never felt such an overwhelming desire to sleep, it was like my body was switching off. Honestly, it was frightening. I had to have somebody watching me to make sure I didn't fall forward onto the baby. I just couldn't control it. Not good.

My previous pregnancy had ended in a loss and I had a very rough time mentally and physically with my second and in all honesty I just decided that enough was enough, I didn't feel safe or confident carrying on. I switched to bottles my MIL bought us a perfect prep and I didn't look back. DD is now 14 months and thriving.

[DeadButDelicious]

Bloody enter button!

Don't beat yourself up. Your baby is fed. Your baby is loved. You have to do what works for you.

[dinosaurkisses]

This thread is exactly what I would've needed to read when I was two weeks PP and agonising over not having "managed it".

Just an aside- has anyone else noticed that when a FF mum talks about her experience (myself included in my previous post), 9/10 we mention about our bond with baby or how they're thriving etc? Like we feel we have to explicitly mention it because so many things are quoted as a benefit of breastfeeding (bonding and immunities mainly).

[Macaronibaloni]

I did feel like I had let DD down by not breastfeeding, but reading all your replies I've now realised that actually she is perfectly happy and healthy (minus the reflux lol) and I'm not going to ponder over it so much anymore, once the reflux is better I'm hoping feeding time won't be so stressful and then I don't think I'll care at all that I didn't breast feed!

Dinosaurkisses - I have noticed that also and I find that I always feel like I have to explain why I choose to FF when people ask how she's fed, sad but very true!

[Bringonspring]

Awww I’m glad you feel better. Not that you had anything to ‘feel better about’

[Isitwinteryet]

Congratulations on your baby!

Your labour sounds exactly like mine! 45 hours and suction help in the end! I know how you feel!

Also, don't let lack of sleep put you off wanting to breastfeed a 2nd child should you want to! My 5 month old is ebf and sleeps 10 hours through the night every night. :)

[Hotpinkangel19]

@stargirl1701 can I ask how you managed to relactate? I would love to do this - my baby is nearly 10 weeks old now