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Help new mum feeling done in!!(12 Posts)
I have a beautiful 2 week old baby girl who love to bits but I'm finding everything so frustrating!
I was in labour for 82 hours, forceps delivery and a 3rd degree tear then hospital for 5 day as she had jaundice and was above the treatment line. This was stressful wnough! Already feel like I've failed!!
In hospital they encouraged breast feeding which was what I wanted but it was so painful both breasts were bleeding after the first day so they suggested expressing which sounded perfect.
Well now I'm home and for every 3 hours I'm sped in one feeding her 40 mins ex pressing for the next time and the rest trying to settle her.
Just feel like a machine atm no time to do anything! I know I'm not meant to hve huge amount ts of free time but as soon as I'm done I'm have to express again. Not to mention my other half with good intentions other making me laugh keeps calling me daisy coz he things the expressing is like milking a cow.
The question is is 2 weeks too early to put her other formula? She already has some as a top up because I simply can't express enough sometimes but I don't know if all formula is good or bad.
Really feeling all dried up and useless at the moment really need some advice please xx
Oh you poor thing, you are doing very well indeed although it doesn't feel like it.
Tell your husband to bugger off with the Daisy comments, expressing for a baby is incredibly hard work and you should be supported and congratulated for it.
It isn't too early for formula at all, lots of people ff from birth after all. Has your baby been checked for tongue tie? This can cause a bad latch and is often not diagnosed. It might be that you could get back to breast feeding if you wanted, with the right support, and that is way less time consuming than expressing.
Have you tried nipple shields if you want to breastfeed? Have you had the baby checked for tongue tie?
Oh my what an ordeal you've been through but don't feel like you have failed this is just how you feel the first few weeks it's perfectly normal.
It's definitely ok to put her on formula my little one wouldn't take to the breast and this left me feeling I had failed to get that bond it gives you with your child.
Also I'm 2months in and my daughter is so clingy and greedy all I do is feed her I am still catching up on my house work as I moved in just before giving birth still loads to do but I'm not rushing just bonding with my girl.
Those newborn days are tough, especially with a baby who isn't well.
I can only go from my experience, which sounds pretty similar to yours: hard labour, time in hospital, poorly baby and expressing round the clock.
First off: you have not failed. You are doing a great job. Your baby is born and you are her world.
Second: you are exhausted and recovering both physically and mentally from a very tough labour. It is ok to rest. You don't need to be doing anything right now except resting, eating and cuddling your baby. A shower might be welcome too
This is where the third point comes in: your DP hasn't been through the same physical experience as you. It's his job to help you recover but he's probably feeling pretty clueless right now so he could do with some explicit instructions. Examples: You need a jug of water, constantly topped up. Expressing equipment and bottles needs sterilising after every use. When your DD cries while you are sleeping, he needs to check her nappy and give her a cuddle before even thinking about bringing her to you. After a feed, she will need to be burped and probably changed. Visitors are welcome between x and y o'clock, after which point he needs to politely show them out. He is to bring you something to eat at a, b and c time. He needs to book an appointment for you both to go and register your DD's birth. Here are the forms for child benefit. And so on...
Feeding: again, I can only go from my own experience but I was so desperate to breastfeed/express that it came at the expense of my own health. I developed severe PND and was fainting from sheer exhaustion. Formula milk is a perfectly good source of nutrition for your baby. There is nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about if you decide to use it. Breastfeeding does get easier, especially when you start going out and about and don't need to cart bottles and associated paraphernalia with you, but there's no point spoiling your time with your baby by being too exhausted or stressed out over breastfeeding/expressing. If you would like to persevere, make it as easy for yourself as possible. Hire a double electric pump from the NCT if you're not already using one. Freeze any extra in special bags (I got mine from Tesco) and let your DP feed her an evening feed when he's at home so that you can get some uninterrupted sleep.
Also, my local NHS area had a breastfeeding support worker service where they would send someone to my house every day to help get breastfeeding established. It was brilliant, especially when they taught me how to feed the baby while lying down! You can be referred by your MW if your area has something similar, or your MW can help with similar support/refer you to the lactation consultant midwife.
It's never to early to use formula. You have to do what's best for you as well as the baby. Could you try topping up each feed with formula, or replace some of the feeds. Thrush/ bleeding nipples makes you resent feeding, and you are still incredibly close to your child when formula feeding. You need to be able to function too. Ignore people that tell you you are damaging your daughter/not doing the best etc... it needs to work for both of you.
Good luck, and she will soon start lasting longer between feeds so you won't feel like a milking machine for much longer.
Thank you everyone!
Today has been such a rough day again night times are fine sleep wise she goes down for 3-4 hours happily but I spend 2-2.5 of those expressing sterilising and getting back to sleep so I'm still out of it in the morning.
In the days she is refusing to aleep for longer than an hour - hour and a half.
She's eating vut also throwing up alot and her nappies arwnt as full atm which is worrying me.
And now my phone signal for thw areas really has gone down so even if I'm wanted to ring areas really midwife for some support i can't as we can't use our phones.
It's like a horible game where I have the prize but therw are deffinatly no winners
What are you hoping to do in the future? Breastfeed or carrying on expressing? How are your nipples now, have they recovered?
Can you get your husband to contact your midwife or health visitor when he's out to make contact and say you need a visit?
I think for your sanity, it's time to intoroduce formula, even if it's just overnight. Get a microwave steriliser and a perfect prep machine - it cuts down soooo much time. 1 min to make a bottle start to finish. And get lots of bottles - for some reason people seem to only have a few and wonder why they are washing them all the time. Get about 8-10 bottles and then you can shove them in the dishwasher and then microwave sterilise. The MAM bottles are especially good, and they can microwave 'self-sterilise'.
Sounds like you both had a really tough start and you are doing an amazing job. Have you been told about the Birth Trauma Association?. It might be worth giving them a call when you've got a signal and talking through your birth with them
It's not too early to introduce formula at all if that's what you want to do. If you want to continue with Bfing, have you contacted any of the Helplines or been to your local Bfing Support Group? I know your phone signal has gone so I've found some Bfing Support with online chat here.
If yiu do continue Bfing, there's not really a need to sterilise unless you've used formula, so don't worry about that.
Like others have said, however you feed your baby, the first few weeks are tough and you've done the toughest two already.
Never too early to introduce formula, it is a great source of nutrition for your baby, as is breastfeeding.
Please get your partner to give a few formula feeds so You can get a solid sleep in. You need to recover physically and emotionally. Many many women combination feed and many more exclusively formula feed.
You need to do what works for everyone including you. Also if you are so exhausted then you are not going to be able to recover and this won't help your supply either.
If you want to continue with breastfeeding then get tongue tie assessed as it is very common. If you want to switch to formula then do that. We use aptamil ready mixed formula so there is no water boiling or buying special machines either, just pour straight from the bottle. If you're not using a lot of formula initially then buy the 200ml bottles; once open can be kept in fridge for 24hrs.
Also we use Milton cold water sterilizing and it's a lot easier when you are sterilizing all kinds of stuff (bottles, soother, nipple shields, breast pump etc). You just leave the stuff in the Milton until you need it and refresh the solution every 24hrs.
On the throwing up she could have some reflux? Talk to HV or doctor.
On the fact that she is not producing nappies as much then she might be at risk of losing weight and dehydration. A fed baby is THE most important thing. Check out "fed is best" for more information. Supplementing with formula does not mean have to mean the end of breastfeeding and can help you he through the tough early days.
Best of luck, please be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot
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