PND

[Gems2181]

Hi,

I'm new to this so excuse me if i don't use all the right terms etc.

My daughter is 6 weeks old tomorrow and i am struggling. I have seen my GP as the birth was quite dramatic and i went downhill rapidly in the first 2 weeks. I went to GP - got put on anti-depressants which i have now been taking for 4 weeks.

I started to feel a bit better and started going out most days for fresh air - either a walk or afternoon tea with my mum and mother in law at the local garden centre. I was advised to get out to make myself feel better.

However, i am now being given conflicting advice by HV and friends etc. During the day DD will only sleep on me, in her car seat or in her pram whilst out walking. Some have mentioned that i should stay in a bit more to start getting her into a nap routine. But on the days we do stay in, she will only sleep on me - if i try to put her down in her moses basket she is screaming with 5 minutes - not to mention that i feel the dark clouds looming and start getting really low. What should i be3 doing? I'm only on maternity leave for 7 months and don't want to get resentful that i can't go out and enjoy our time together ( staying indoors for the next 7 months would cause that)

I still struggle with looking after her in general - if feels like i do it because i have to, not because i want to. I'm missing my old life and am having real difficulties in coming to terms with it all. I wake up every morning feeling anxious about the day ahead and have often thought about running away from it all. I hate feeling like this as she was really wanted. ( the reason i was put on medication to start with - i'm just waiting tor them to kick in)

Can anyone offer any suppory / advice?

[Mellifera]

I'd go out as much as you can. Small babies and routines - I had three dc and none of them had a routine when that tiny.
I had PND with my first and dragged her out every single day. She was my easiest baby, and is still incredibly laid back. She was the only one that slept through at 10 weeks.

I'm a bit surprised you were put on ADs that quickly. Talking over what happened during birth with someone trained (counsellor, therapist) could be very helpful for you.

All the best

[icklekid]

Please do not worry about a routine at 6 weeks (or 6 months for that matter!) My ds would only sleep on me or in pram if I was pushing it! We went out a lot and I needed to be around other people for my sanity. We cracked napping in his cot when he needed to start at childminders for me to go back to work at 8/9 months. He then fell into a routine naturally and that was fine. Take care of yourself and keep talking to friends/family/gp/ health visitor to get the support you need

[Phineyj]

Definitely go out whenever you need to - fresh air and exercise is very important to mood. LO will sleep in the pram no doubt. Does it matter where sleep takes place?

[Spangletangle]

Well this all sounds very familiar, and you have to hold on to the fact that things will get easier eventually. It's so hard when you can't put them down, my dd was the same. You must get out and about if it is making you feel better. You'll be on a hiding to nothing trying to struggle with a routine. You will get a lot of 'advice', some of which will bollocks, so you have to do what feels right for you and your baby. You aren't doing anything wrong.

[Spangletangle]

I experienced the trapped/what have I done/I no longer recognise myself feelings. I had counselling which helped with this. It was a difficult period but none of it affected my dd or my relationship with her. You have done the best thing by seeking support.

[Bringiton2016]

Things will get so much easier and you will get your life back, and actually it will go fast. You're in the eye of the storm. The first 3 months are very difficult. A routine will emerge in time. I don't think you can force that. I had all the same feelings as you.

Please contact the perinatal nurse at the hospital to talk about your birth. I wish I'd done it sooner. Also I had one hypnosis session for ptsd and it really worked. Good luck.

[Nicknamegrief]

I found reading Life after Birth really useful and supportive by Katie Figes (it's been over 10years since I read it though).
I echo what everyone else has said (and I now have five children). Get out and enjoy the sunshine. Find a nice group- I really enjoyed baby signing as it offered something to do with my little ones as well as some time to chat with other Mums. It may take a while to find a thing to do with your baby that you both enjoy but having something like that really helped me. I needed and still need to get out of the house pretty much every day (and do better if I get out in the mornings). Routines are better when they evolve naturally over time (like 6 months) and at this age babies are still happiest when held/carried.
Keep accessing all the support on offer.
The days are long but the years go quick- or something to that affect!

[pinguina16]

Throw away all guru books!

Newborns need to do what they do and you just have to go with the flow (easier said than done). 6 weeks!!!!! It is very early to have a routine. Circadian cycles don't kick in until around 3 months for most babies (baby hormones telling her difference between night and day) so until then it is disrupted nights and baby "stuck" to you. It's normal.

Also how many night feeds is your baby having? Mine dropped one feed at 5 weeks and only dropped enough in the night to sleep through around 3 months.

Things WILL change but I think you might have been "victim of" guru advice or people talking bullocks telling you THEIR baby was in a routine after 2 weeks. I personally very much doubt that was the case. I'd recommend following your baby's rhythm for now and see how it will gently change over time eventually giving you more time outside. Do get out a little but I wouldn't expect a whole day or half day out as in pre-baby world for another 6 weeks. Don't rush most of your life WILL come back.

I recommend the zero to three website. It is written by child development psychologists. They're American but we won't hold that against them. And ISIS (unfortunate acronym for infant sleep information source) to get an idea of how babies sleep.

All the best!

[lorribaby]

Hi I could of wrote your post as I feel exactly the same. My dd is seven weeks this Thursday (currently asleep in my chest) and as of yet today I haven't had the time to even brush my teeth! Hope you find comfort knowing that there is others going through the same situation/feelings and everyone says it's perfectly normal. I am a person of routine (libra lol) and am finding the last few weeks extremely difficult. I have only just finished antibiotics which I have been on since I went into labour and I do wonder if the trauma of birth and the aftermath is to blame. I will keep hoping that things improve for us both as like you I waited a long time for my baby and love her to bits x

[ChasesMum]

I suffer from PND and I've found being out and busy keeps my mental health more at bay than sitting at home. My little boy gets used to being out and about, and it helps him sleep better at night. He's not in a routine, although now at 15 weeks he's starting to develop his own routine. Between 8/10 he is asleep himself most the time. And up between 5.30/7. Do what you feel is right, HVs are trained to say the same thing. You know your body and baby better than anyone.

[mumto1babyboy]

Awwww don't u worry.. You are not alone, my LO is 7months old and I still feel out of my depth.. But there's one bit of advise I can give u is don't take too much notice of other mums and there " routine suggestions" everyone's like is different! For example my partner is a policeman who works shifts and we have a different routine to my friend and her family her partner works 9-4 everyday! My LO still only sleeps on me, but sometimes I have to let him cry it out in his cot during day, making sure it's safe and he's ok first and he usually falls asleep after 5mins!
Your doing really well my love:
I some times wake up and think oh my goodness can I really give this small helpless person me ALL today as I'm drained,, but you do ,.. And I know lots of mums that feel this way. It's natural.