When and HOW do you return to sex life?

[Stripeyshirts2450]

We have a 3 month old and had heaps going on including moving. We talked about it a bit at the beginning and joked about how it would be impossible and I wasn't ready post c-section and I genuinely want ready so DH stopped mentioning it.

Time has ticked by and we've stopped even talking about it. Also the exhaustion is still there (baby still not sleeping through). I do want to start being intimate again but I have no idea how! Baby sleeps next to us often co-sleeping. We have started putting him down for naps without us but with a baby monitor that we're constantly watching. How would we do it - a quicky in the bedroom with one eye on the monitor? It just sounds creepy!
What do people normally do?

[Stripeyshirts2450]

I had no issue in pregnancy I think as couldn't see the baby found it quite seperate.

[Sleepyquest]

My baby is 3 months old too and I'm too scared. I can't do a quicky cos I know it will hurt too much, but at the same time I don't want to leave the baby by herself for ages as it doesn't feel right. Aghhhhhh!!

[Stripeyshirts2450]

Maybe no one does it @Sleepyquest!

[Smarshian]

After dd it took me about 4 months before I felt comfortable. We just did it in the next room while she was asleep.

[Sleepyquest]

@Stripeyshirts2450 I reckon they only do it to conceive baby number 2!

[Lelophants]

Haha we've tried a few times but he literally wakes up when we start so now I've been put off.

[Pipandmum]

Our children never shared our room and we had sex after four weeks (I had sections).

[LettuceP]

Couple of glasses of wine helped for me
After my first I remember really wanting sex but being so scared that it was going to hurt (had quite a bad tear that then got infected so was painful and took ages to heal). Someone told me to just have a couple of glasses of wine for courage and try, it hurt a bit at first but was fine. I think it was about 3 months after the birth.

It can feel really strange and awkward when it's been a while but once you've done it it doesn't take long to get back to normal. Start by cuddling and kissing and see where things go, don't put pressure on yourselves to have sex, just try to relax and be close.

Nothing wrong with doing it while baby is napping, try to focus on each other rather than the baby monitor and unless your baby has super short naps then there's no need for it to be a quicky.

[Alderaan]

I'm a bit of a nympho so we got back on it when my son was about a fortnight old. We tend to do it when he's not long been asleep, in the same room but out of his line of sight. He has no idea what's going, of course .

Baby is five and a half weeks old now and the most frustrating thing is having to use condoms until I have the Mirena fitted next week. I have an awful feeling my period will return just then and they won't fit it so I'll have to wait weeks to find another appointment.

I didn't have a c-section. I had a second degree tear but the midwife did a great job with the stitches so I haven't been left with soreness.

[Lavellan]

We just do it when she's asleep. Not very often, but since about 8 weeks I think. It doesn't wake her up, we're not loud. I think once she's in her own room we'll manage a bit more often and enjoy it more. Right now it's a bit like we're just getting it over with lol.

[appleandblackcurrent]

maybe the baby could stay around a reletives house? you wouldn't have to watch the baby and you would be free, not having to worry about making too much noise etc. the same happened after my second child we had to move as we didnt have enough room. it was hectic for a while and we hadnt done it for a while but one night the kids were around their grans and we had a bit of wine in us! we did it and it was like nothing had changed. X

[sadtoday21]

Is there any medical guidance on this? I had stitches and a second degree tear that I don’t want getting infected, but otherwise I gave birth a week ago and feel ready to dtd again.

[stopchewingeverything]

General recommendations are around 6 weeks+. Stitches should be fully healed and all bleeding stopped. You should feel totally ready. Personally we dtd after 6 weeks, a glass of wine, lots of lube and stuck DS on a large changing mat in the ensuite when he was napping. He was fine!

[Alderaan]

I also had stitches and a second degree tear but everything felt fine down there a fortnight afterwards so we went for it. If you don't feel sore I doubt there's danger of infection.