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Just had last baby (or have I)

(4 Posts)
3kidsandmore Sat 28-Apr-18 14:17:57

Hello,

Sat here with my 1 week old baby feeling sad and kicking myself for being ungrateful.

I have a lovely husband, 2 lovely children and a beautiful newborn daughter. However, my husband says 3 is our lot.

I am on a career break and stay at home with the kids which is an arrangement that suits us both. I absolutely love being pregnant and was fortunate enough to have uncomplicated homebirths with babies 2 & 3. I honestly really enjoyed labour and birth and can’t bear the idea of never doing it again.

I am 30 and really hoped I’d feel done now, but the idea of my womb now being closed forever makes me so sad. My husband says if we won the lottery I could have as many as I want, so his reasons are obviously practical rather than anything heartfelt.

We already have the 7 seater car and there is room in the house for another. Has anyone else’s partner changed their minds on numbers after seemingly being adament?

Maybe this is just a case of baby blues and I’ll get over it. Grieving for my babymaking days being done forever is consuming me and I feel like I’m wasting precious time in these early days.

Please be gentle with me if you think I need to give myself a shake and be grateful for what I do have. I am already crying approx every 4 mins for no reason right now and know I’m being stupid!

OP’s posts: |
HazyDays81 Sat 28-Apr-18 19:29:11

I could have written this post a few weeks ago! DS3 is nearly 5 weeks. We always said we’d have 3 but I can’t bear the thought of it being our last & never being pregnant again. Like you I loved being pregnant. About a week after I had him I kept crying & wishing I could be pregnant again. I was so happy he’d finally arrived & the rational part of my brain kept saying enjoy having a newborn. I think a lot of it must have been my post pregnancy hormones as now DS is nearly 5 weeks I don’t feel as strongly about it & thankfully the baby blues tears have passed. DH really doesn’t see our future with a fourth (I’m older at 36). Similar to your DH he said it would be too expensive to go on holidays & enjoy life. So unfortunately I don’t have an answer just that I know exactly how you feel & hopefully after a few weeks you’ll feel better about it. Enjoy your precious newborn snuggles. My DS is changing so quickly, I just want to keep him small! My DH said he’s 90% sure he won’t want another but I see how besotted he is with our kids & I hope if I still feel really strongly about it in a year or 2 that I’ll be able to persuade him. Sending flowers

3kidsandmore Sun 29-Apr-18 22:47:47

Thanks for replying HazyDays. Nice to know someone else relates!
Because we agreed 3 and I was content with this whilst pregnant, I really did cherish every day and actually hoped to go overdue. I wasn’t ready to part with the movements and having her inside me and my bump wasn’t uncomfortably big, but she came right on her due date.
Are you certain you’d like a 4th? And do you worry that you’d end up wanting a 5th? I want to feel ‘done’ at some point but if that’s not going to happen after a 4th anyway, then I might as well get over it now.
My 9 day old is already changing too, wish we stop the clock just for a few weeks at least.
Enjoy your DS3 and here’s hoping our DHs come round to the idea on their own x

OP’s posts: |
HazyDays81 Mon 30-Apr-18 14:05:23

When I was first pregnant with DS3 in my mind it was our last but as my pregnancy progressed I kept thinking how much I’d love to do it all again. We did want a girl but I can honestly say we’re so happy having 3 boys & can’t imagine it any other way so it doesn’t even feel like a desire to have a girl, I just feel really sad to think I won’t be pregnant or have the joy of another baby. I miss having a bump & feeling baby’s movements, it’s so special. At the moment I wouldn’t say I 100% want a fourth (but I really did a few weeks ago & it was on my mind all the time & I couldn’t stop crying). DH was all set to get rid of all the baby stuff after this baby (& clear space in the loft!) but I’ve already said I don’t want to get rid of things just in case. It seems so final to think we are definitely ‘done’. If we did have a fourth it does worry me I’d want a fifth! At 36 though I feel older this time round & I know the risks increase with age so I guess it would only be one more if we do (& are lucky enough to have another). DH thinks we wouldn’t have enough time to give our children all the time they need if we had any more. Our eldest DS is autistic so has extra needs. I will also need to go back to work part-time & we’re lucky to have parents helping out with childcare but not sure how that would work if we have another. Perhaps see how you feel in the coming weeks/months & if the desire to have another is still as strong.

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