Christianity - forgiving adultery

[SardineJam]

Long story short F has been having multiple affairs over the past year. Not subtle as DM has discovered and 'caught' him out. She was on the verge of getting divorce advice but now has told me that she forgives him.

I on the otherhand cannot forgive him for what he has done to her (the emotional and mental impact) and cannot even consider forgiving him.

Both parents are devout Christians.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I guess, are multiple instances of adultery actually forgivable??

[Theknacktoflying]

What has their religion to do with anything? Your mum is a grown up woman who has decided to forgive him and move on ...

How you react to his adultery is different to hers ....

[Justmuddlingalong]

So your DM is forgiving him, again, as she sees it as the christian thing to do. Whereas, your DF has multiple affairs, because he obviously picks and chooses which parts of being a Christian suit him. And he knows your DM will forgive him. With respect, your DM is a mug.

[SardineJam]

Yes I get she is a mug and I agree with that. I'm just wondering what the Christian take is on forgiving adultery, rather than her just saying that no one is perfect.
There's many Bible quotes about forgiving adultery but are these just being interpreted to suit the adulterer. Just really surprised that it's forgivable.
I guess I want to show DM that what she is doing doesn't actually align with Christian values etc

[SardineJam]

And per the 'Christian' viewpoint should I be forgiving F too?

[XmasPostmanBos]

Jesus said adultery was the only grounds for divorce so its pretty clear Christians take a hard line on it. Christians are supposed to forgive all transgressions, but that doesn't mean they have to stay married.
There's a Christian psychologist I quite like, he says when you need a psychologist as a Christian, go for a good psychologist, not a good Christian. Is the religion a red herring? Do you think your mum is doing what a lot of women do for various reasons? She still loves him, wants life to stay as it is, social reasons?

[BollocksToBrexit]

As a Christian I believe that repentance comes before forgiveness. Repentance doesn't mean just being sorry, it also means a change in behaviour, a turning away from the sin. Joseph didn't forgive his brothers until it was proven that they had changed.

It doesn't sound like you father has he repented because he's done it multiple times.

[PierreBezukov]

Jesus took a very dim view of adultery and said even looking lustfully at another woman was committing adultery. He taught that adultery was grounds for divorce.

So in a sense the Christian thing for your mum to do would be divorce your DF. She can still divorce and forgive. As for verses in the Bible specifically saying adultery must be forgiven, I don't think there are any. Christians are supposed to forgive sins but that doesn't mean be a mug or a doormat.

I would also doubt that your DF is truly repentant.

[Lessstressedhemum]

Your mum should forgive but she doesn't have to stay unless she wants to.

I think your dad is taking the rip, tbh. He knows your mum will feel compelled to forgive him so he thinks he can do what he likes. He is not acting in any kind of Christian way. He's not in the least repentant or his behaviour would change. He is banking on the whole "you should forgive your brother 70 times 7 times" thing.

[FloralBunting]

Yeah, your dad is sadly, a git.

But your mum is an individual who is free to forgive him if she chooses to.

Adultery is viewed very blackly in Christianity, for sure, but there isn't anything that says it can't be forgiven if the injured party chooses to. I'm not sure I would, certainly, but I can't give you any help in showing that forgiveness isn't something a Christian should do because that isn't the case.

The closest you could get is, as mentioned by the pp, that forgiveness is frequently tied to repentance, which includes the idea of turning away from sins and not repeating them.

But Jesus was annoyingly clear that forgiveness is an ongoing thing.

Be there for your mum. She may well change her mind about her decision to stay in the marriage at some point, and she will need you. But forgiveness is probably something she's always going to want to aim for because it brings peace to the forgiver and why should she suffer with bitter feelings if she can find peace?

As for your dad, as a 'devout Christian', he's the one who needs a stern kick up the backside about what a Christian is supposed to do. What a louse. 'Husbands, love your wife as Christ loves the Church' needs to be firmly drummed into him.