First Holy Communion classes

[paul2louise]

First Holy Communion Classes
My son is due to start First Holy Communion classes after Christmas. They run every Sunday before 10.30 mass until May. We go every week and I have no problem attending these lessons or the mass after.
My problem is with my catholic friend. She is a nurse and works lots of different shifts. She has 3 children that she wants to take these lessons. He husband the dad isn't catholic and has selevated from her. The family life is quite unsettled.
I offered to take her children to the lessons on Sundays when she is working. I am now beginning to think I have bitten off more than I can chew. The 3 children are getting quite temperamental and angry and rude. She is struggling with them. I want to help but I am not sure if I should get so involved.
If I did need to collect them for the lessons I would have to get them from her husbands mums house where he is staying.

I want to be a good friend to her but I feel uncomfortable with how things are.

Thanks

[Fink]

Are they triplets or are they different ages? And do you have to sit with them in the Mass or do all the FHC class sit together with the catechists?
And can she make the parents' classes? If she can't then they may not be allowed to make their FHC this year anyway so I would find that out before wasting your time taking them along.

If they're not triplets, then I would suggest offering to take the youngest one, who is presumably the one who is closest in age to the rest of the class. If she hasn't managed herself to get the other 2 to classes when they were the normal she then she can't be overly bothered about it, so why not get them to wait until they're old enough to come to classes themselves.

If you don't have to sit with them in Mass then all you need to do is collect them and drop them off. It's up to you but that's a much smaller commitment than having to mind 4 kids (plus any others you've got) through a whole Sunday Mass every week. The latter is a big ask.

[Fink]

the normal age*

[paul2louise]

Thanks for replying. She hadnt been to church for quite a while and she started coming again when we got friendly last year. She has a boy age 9 that missed the classes when he was old enough, and 2 twin girls same as my son, 7, 8 next march.
They havent told us when the parent calsses are yet. Just a case of getting names on a list at the moment. Maybe i am worrying a bit too soon. The boy doesnt want to do the classes and doesnt have any interest in church because he hasnt really been before. She has been bringing the girls and they seem ok about it.
I know that if you miss a class then you may not be able to take the communion.
I just worry that if i pick them up and they are not happy about coming the pressure is on me that it could stop them from doing their communion. I realised yesterday that when any of them get into a mood then there is no persuading them. I am very lucky that my son might moan a bit if he isnt keen on something but he is easy to persuade for a treat. I felt a bit out of my depth with them and it just worried me.
I am fussing i know.
Thanks for reading.

Louise

[Fink]

So the first thing you need to know is how often the mother will be working on Sundays. If you'd have to cover once every 6 weeks, in a 5 month course, that's a much smaller commitment than if she has to work every other weekend.

Secondly, you really do need to find out from the parish (if you don't already know) what happens to the children in the Mass - do they sit with their families or in the class all together? That does make a big difference to what your level of involvement is and what you have to do.

It's not your job to persuade them to attend, that's up to the parents. If you went to pick them up and they refused to come, there's nothing you can do about it. Either the father insists on them going or he doesn't push it. If he insists, then you take them and all you're doing is giving a lift, not making decisions about who's doing the class. If he's not bothered, then they don't go and that's something for the mother to sort out with him.

[paul2louise]

I think from previous years the children all sit together near the front during mass.
I am not sure how often she will be working on sundays. I dont know how much flexibility she gets over choosing which days ir nights she works. I also dont know the dates of the classes and if you are "allowed" to miss any due to circumstances. I think they dont run around the holidays but i am not sure if its both sundays before and after half term or just the sundays during easter holidays. Its probably up to her to make these enquiries as i am not booked to be away and have no reason to miss any lessons or masses.
I just hope we get a bit more information soon. We dont actually have the day of making first communion yet either. I know my mum will want to be there.

I suppose there are a lot of what ifs to sort first. I am probably worrying too much.

Thank you for helping me though.

[paul2louise]

My sons lessons have started now. All after first lesson. My friend has met someone on dating site. She asked me if i would take the girls (boy isnt doing the classes now) to the next class as she wants to meet this new chap she has met on dating site.
I was a bit taken aback and didnt really say anything as we we in a group with some other mums chatting.
I want to help my friend but it doesnt sit right in my conscience, but i dont want to feel judgemental but finding it hard. These classes mean so much to me and my faith.
Dont want to upset my friend either

[RangeRider]

I totally get where you're coming from (and agree!) but if it just involves picking them up & dropping them off and doesn't really inconvenience you then I think it would be a nice idea (and following Jesus' teachings - not that I've just read the relevant bit or anything!!) to do it this once. If she plans on doing it regularly though I think it's a different ball game because she should be putting their needs first before her love life, particularly for something like this.

[paul2louise]

Thank you. I dont want to tell my husband as he thinks i should just let her sort herself out. But she was hinting at needing me for weeks when she working and i offered to help as it was difficult as her husband isnt interested in religion. So when she said she needed me to to take them and collect them as she was meeting her new friend. I cant compare my feelings to others and i just need to let people do what they want i suppose. Its very hard being focussed on my faith when there are constant temptations and distractions.

[RangeRider]

Think up a reason why you can only do this one (to sit right with your conscience - well, the bit that says be nice rather than the bit that says ) and no others. Could you imply that parents are strongly recommended to accompany their children (it would seem reasonable that they would) or better still say (honestly) that you want to focus on your son as this is important to both you and him and that her children unfortunately distract from that?
Its very hard being focussed on my faith when there are constant temptations and distractions.
Tell me about it! I seem to spend much of my prayers apologising (for the same thing over and over). Very hard.

[paul2louise]

I spent my recent confession before Christmas about trying not to judge others by my own standards and not to get caught up with my own pride. I am feel quite low at the moment but I am really excited for my son, so I feel sad when others are moaning about the number of lessons or when they are happening. I felt so proud of him sitting with the other children in church after their lesson.

[RangeRider]

People always seem to feel the need to moan about something. Deep down they're probably quite excited too (said hopefully) but can't help themselves.
I'm struggling to forgive someone for something (even though I know they didn't do it with the intent to hurt me) which means that asking for forgiveness myself for thinking negative thoughts about them is a bit of a cheek. It's a tough one.

[paul2louise]

Conscience is a hard thing. It makes you quite self absorbed sometimes and that itself is selfish. I do need to give myself a big shake sometimes and have a run to clear my head. I get more time to think when running than in church. Thank u for letting me talk it out. 😊

[RangeRider]

No worries. I do some of my best thinking walking the dog!

[IdaBWells]

Regarding your friends kids I would encourage her to talk to the priest and/or whoever is responsible for catechisis and see if they can help in any way, rather than put it all on you.

[paul2louise]

I am taking her girls this weekend for mass and classes as she is working all day sunday. I am ok with this now. However, she did try and push me with another request which was more tricky. She was wanting to stay over a weekend with a new man she had met and wanted me to take the girls to mass and classes. Fortunately this hasnt been sorted so i am not doing it. I hope she doesnt ask me about this again. I want her to have a life but dont want to be involved so much in the family stuff.

[IdaBWells]

Yeah, I don’t think that’s appropriate. Surely her kids formation at such an important time should take precedence over “a new man”. I think she is really giving you parental responsibilities which are hers alone.