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Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Philosophy/religion

church dilemna

19 replies

AggyIggyPiggypops · 15/12/2013 21:24

I am having a problem with regards to which church I should go to. at the moment I go to my local church which is very modern in its style of worship with a penchant for christian rock. I personally prefer a more traditional high church style service but the local church dousn't offer this. There are other churches nearby which fit more with my preferences. The problem however lies with the fact that I have established myself very well as part of the church community and was baptised there earlier this year. I have made friends here and feel that if I start going to another church they may feel I don't like them much. Does anybody here have any suggestions?

OP posts:

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KeziaK · 15/12/2013 21:26

Does the local church have another service or at a different time in the week which is more your style?

Golddigger · 15/12/2013 21:27

I would very much hope that your new friends would completely understand if you were to change churches. And that they would understand that it does not have any bearing on your friendship with them.

Tuo · 15/12/2013 22:04

Can you do alternate Sundays, or something similar? I'm totally with you on the style of worship thing, and don't go to my most local church for that reason (not only the music, but also the fact that a once-a-month Eucharist isn't really enough for me...). However, having started at your local church and built up relationships there, it would be a shame to lose that, I think - also remembering that the Church is not a building but the people within it, and that it is our relationships, as much as the worship itself, that helps us to stay strong in our faith. So, yes, as Kezia suggested, maybe see if there's a quieter, more reflective service that you can go to at another time... or else do some Sundays in one and some in the other, so that you feed your need for a quieter kind of spirituality, but don't lose the community which you have come to feel a part of. I'm sure they would understand. Good luck!

MerryMarigold · 15/12/2013 22:08

I'd wonder if you were a serial church hopper (I do know quite a few). Why did you get so involved with a church, to the point of baptism, if it is not really your 'style'? Have you disagreed with someone over some thing. If it were me, if I disagreed with doctrine, I could not be part of a church. 'Style' is a bit on the side, really.

Golddigger · 15/12/2013 22:41

But going to church is ultimately about worshipping God. If you dont feel comfortable doing it one way, I see no problem whatsoever in doing it another way If it has to be at another church, then it does.

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 11:11

But Gold, why would you get so involved if you didn't like it from the start? I also believe your whole life should be an act of worship, the bit on Sunday is great, but it's not the main part.

OP, is there a local bible study group you could remain part of, thereby keeping up with friends and the closeness, which is good. And just get your Sunday worship fix at a different church (which, in my experience, if it is 'higher' church then they won't talk to you much anyway ).

Golddigger · 16/12/2013 11:15

People can easily change their minds, or see something that they didnt see before.

I agree about your whole life being worship, but the sunday bit has to be right for a person surely?
Like your last paragraph.

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 11:20

That's true, Gold. I just felt that if it was about the style of worship, it's pretty obvious from the start! And not something you just 'change your mind' about - you either like it or don't. I do think this church seem to have poured themselves into the OP and although, I am sure if they are good Christians they won't begrudge it, it can be hurtful when people leave and swap about. I would just like to make sure it is ONLY the style of worship and not a relationship issue/ disagreement which needs resolving. In my experience, this is why people move on, but they hang it on something else rather than dealing with, resolving, forgiving etc. etc.

AggyIggyPiggypops · 16/12/2013 16:32

The main issue is that I live in a newly built village in a rural area. I started going to the local church after I started believing in god just over a year ago, intitially because it's closeby. If I'd known what the style of worship was like initially, I'd have gone to another church. However the church I'm currently at was very friendly and welcoming and was a good place to start out, although right from the start I wasn't too keen on the worship style but thought that at the end of the day, the style wasn't important. however it has become almost unbearable. And to answer your question marymarigold I've had a few disagreements about images and the importance of saints which is partly why I feel I'd be better off in a more high church style of service as well as the fact that there is only so much christian rock I can take.

OP posts:

niminypiminy · 16/12/2013 17:39

I empathise! I spent five years in a 'christian-rock-modern-evangelical-style' church which I really didn't like at all. Or rather, I didn't like the worship style but I really loved the people. I stayed because of the people even though I didn't get much out of the worship. What I used to do was moonlight at other churches I'd go to evening services or during Easter week would go to Good Friday/Easter Vigil at other places. I was quite involved at my church, helping to run the children's work, so it was lovely to go somewhere else and sit in a pew and just have the time to spend with God! So that might be something that would work for you. (I've moved on now, for other reasons, and though I like my new church much better, I still miss the people in my old church and of course, the people are the church).

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 17:45

We're all saints aggy!! Maybe they should put a grew more mirrors up.

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2013 17:47

But I do empathise Christian rock wise! I don't personally like it.

SunshinemMum · 17/12/2013 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBabyPigsus · 17/12/2013 21:04

Are there any more traditional churches nearby that have Evensong? You could go to the current church in the morning and another in the evening.

bellsringingoutforMadHairDay · 18/12/2013 10:01

I was also going to say could you find something like an Evensong elsewhere. I also sympathise but from the opposite end as it were - I don't like the traditional style so much but spent 3 years in such a church (dh was the curate so no choice) - but got really involved and absolutely loved the people. In the end, I realised that God was telling me something about myself, and asking me to worship him anyway, even if it was through a style that really wasn't 'me'. When I did this it set me free and I ended up loving that church.

However I never loved the style! I found that going elsewhere for a bit of a 'fix' helped - so for me, going to a livelier service with newer songs etc lifted me (although they can vary from great to terrible) - but the main thing was I found something to sustain me in both. It sounds like you have a lovely community, so it may be a shame to stop being involved, but if oyu could find somewhere to worship in a traditional style could you put up with the newer style sometimes, or even see if you could worship a little bit through it? (It's hard, I know, when you really don't like it at all - I found myself wanting to sit and be grumpy rather than join in!!)

Either way, we're all made differently and all made to enjoy different forms of worship, and so it's good that there is choice out there. I do think it is good for us though to join in across different forms, giving of ourselves to God, whether it is our own taste or not. Sometimes I think that an act of worship is all the more full of intergrity if it is not coming from an easy place. I found myself surprised on occasion when I met with God through high church ritual - the last thing I ever expected - but because I decided to anyway.

Hope you find something that you feel suits you OP :)

Elizabeth1960 · 06/01/2014 16:22

A lot of the churches today are very modern trying to draw the masses by mixing bible truths with new age ideas and teachings, you need to look at what god requires from our worship, I would pray about it.

madhairday · 07/01/2014 12:58

What do you mean by 'new age ideas and teachings' being mixed in, Elizabeth?

cloutiedumpling · 07/01/2014 20:34

I can honestly say that I've never been to a church that I have thought has mixed new age ideas and teachings with bible truths. I suspect they are few and far between.

cheapskatemum · 09/01/2014 21:54

You could also suggest to the church leadership team that more traditional hymns or worship songs be introduced, starting with just one a week. You may find that you are not the only member that feels this way. Do you have members' meetings? You could ask for this point to be put on the next meeting's agenda as a discussion point.

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