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How to let go

(3 Posts)
Thistledew Sun 01-Sep-13 10:37:56

I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in relationships, but decided on here in the hope of some philosophical perspectives. I don't follow any religion and don't have a belief in any divine being, but am open to different views.

My problem is that I am recently finding it difficult to let go of disappointment over small things. A few examples - there was something I wanted to buy on eBay but I forgot to put in a bid before it ended; or I really wanted to go swimming after work but forgot about roadworks and traffic jams on my normal route home so I didn't take the alternative route and ended up getting back too late to swim; or today I have an injury which means it is not a good idea for me to go out on my bike, which I was really looking forward to.

All these things have made me disproportionately disappointed, frustrated and cross almost to the point of being angry. I turn this mostly inwards on myself but am aware it means that I am not the most sunny person to be around, which is unfair on DH and other family.

I think this comes from an overflow of something that is a strength of mine - that I am good at problem solving and very tenacious. This is very useful for my job and also means that I am good at things like doing significant DIY projects at home.

I am aware that the flip side of this is that I tend to be controlling - not so much to change other people, but a bit of a tendency to take charge and steamroller.

So any ideas on how I can work on myself to let the small stuff go? How not to be cross with myself if I don't live up to my own expectations all of the time?

crescentmoon Sun 01-Sep-13 11:10:42

"So any ideas on how I can work on myself to let the small stuff go? How not to be cross with myself if I don't live up to my own expectations all of the time?"

i read a book that dealt with this subject OP called 'the Gifts of Imperfection' by Brene Brown (featured just a month ago in the Guardian. i looked her book after watching her talk on TED about 'the power of vulnerability'

and though it was 20 minutes long it profoundly changed my life. i couldnt sleep the night i watched it and from the next day onwards i began changing my relationship with some key people in my life. i read 'the Gifts of Imperfection' soon after and found it very profound because of her writing on letting go of who your supposed to be and accepting oneself. it would definitely help someone with perfectionist tendencies and helped me immeasurably with that but mainly, her research and writings on shame are what i benefited from the most. hopefully you'll find some benefit in her works too.

raisah Sun 01-Sep-13 22:22:52

I have a similar problem with thinking about how if I had done or said x then y wouldn't have happened. It is difficult to let go of the glass half empty view of life and I should try harder. I need to make the most out of life rather than focus on the negatives but I think that's where my problem lies. I want to make the most out of life because I've experienced a few bumps along the way so I've become a bit controlling as a result. I find it difficult to experience the moment because I am aiming for perfection all the time. Anything which is less or different to the desired result is seen as a failure. I will read that article recommended in the post above & will watch this thread with interest.

Maybe move it to AIBU for traffic & for the diversity of replies.

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