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Not sure of the etiquette on this board, but I'd like all Muslims to pray for my father in law please.

(55 Posts)
LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 20:44:21

He passed away on Saturday, a sudden heart attack.

His family are heartbroken and not coping well. They've all travelled to Pakistan to bury him.

I'd like to talk about him a little if that's ok.

He was an amazing, kind man who put everyone else first. He doted on his grandchildren, he was looking at photos of my DD's on his phone as he had the heart attack. So they were the last faces he ever saw.

I always said to my mum I felt sorry him, he struggled with various disabilities, but he just got on with it even though he was in pain (not heart related, that was out of the blue).

We would visit him and my inlaws 3/4 times a week, so we were very close, my youngest DD in particular adored him (my eldest DD is from a previous relationship).

He welcomed me and my DD into his family with open arms (once my husband told him about us) and once DD2 came along he treated both my girls exactly the same. He forgave his son for having a haram relationship with me, and was overjoyed when we got married.

I know he thought a lot of me, he was always telling me that I did a good job with the girls, even though he did always feed them whatever they wanted straight before mealtimes!

He was a man with a strong faith, and I truly believe he is now in a better place.

He was surrounded by his family and friends when he passed away (he was kept on life support until we agreed to turn the machines off) and he looked so peaceful.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is, I think I just needed somewhere to write this down.

Inna lillahi Wa inna ilaihi Rajioon.

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 22:19:04

Lostandfound, I'm also not Muslim. I'm Jewish by birth and I'm pretty atheist in practice.

But I will be thinking warm thoughts about your FIL. I think he sounds like a wonderful person who got the best out of life and was loved very much in return.

Your post was so lovely about his relationship with his granddaughters. You read so many sad stories on here about people who don't like/love their families or in laws. And your FIL put love above everything and welcomed you and your DD into his family.

Hope you are bearing up ok. Very sorry for your loss.

Wolfiefan Thu 17-Jan-13 22:21:33

What lovely posts Crescent.
Your FIL sounds lovely OP. Not Muslim but another one who felt moved by your thread. You should be proud of all that he was (look at how he has drawn all these different people together!)
Wishing you and your family peace and eventually happiness again.
Actually tearing up a bit here. You sound so lovely.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 22:27:18

Shalom rubyroo I'm Muslim but have Jewish descent on one side smile.

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 22:41:17

Thanks Waynetta!

I am lucky enough that my family (and now my in-laws too) are a big mix of different backgrounds, cultures, religions and nationalities and both my own family and my inlaws have always felt that this is a brilliant and interesting thing.

But I know that not everybody experiences that, so it's lovely to read Lost's stories of her FIL who was so open and welcoming.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 22:54:33

Wolfie I was just thinking about how my father in law has brought people together.

I used to look after my nephews for my brother 5 days a week, and during that time I used to drop DD at their house then bring my nephews back to mine. Then one day he said, why don't you bring your nephews in, your family is my family. So from then on my nephews were regular visitors to their house and were treated no different to my DD. I stopped having them in July last year, but he always asked about them and how they're doing. He used to laugh when my youngest nephew (then 18 months) used to ask for a ham sandwich!!

Wolfiefan Thu 17-Jan-13 23:05:33

Keep remembering him laughing like that. He sounds so loving and loved.

LostAndNeverFound Thu 17-Jan-13 23:14:41

I will, thanks.


Kormachameleon Thu 17-Jan-13 23:20:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:21:05

Bless dear baba jee. I will try and always remember him in my duas for the future inshallah. Lost, get a good nights rest and read some Quran. Keep being the brilliant mummy and wife that you are to your family and you will all come through this in ease. Don't ever forget, you will meet your father in law again one day inshallah. He is simply waiting now, as we all are. Night my sis and sweet dreams xxxxxxxxx

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:22:04

Korma - lovely to see other peo

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:22:40

ple of faith on here smile. I hope you're well. Often read your posts xxx

RubyrooUK Thu 17-Jan-13 23:25:16

One of the things we always say in my family, Lost, that people who are loved never really die completely because they live on in the memories of the people who cared about them.

I drew my son a picture yesterday and suddenly remembered that the reason I drew it a certain way was because my granddad did it that way to make me laugh as a child.

My son will never know my granddad but he was trying to copy the picture and maybe one day he will do it like that too. And my granddad's quirky humour is still here in our everyday family life.

I hope there will be lots of areas (it sounds like it from your lovely posts) where your FIL is still a part of yours and your children's lives. Hopefully all the times you talk about him will mean his influence and love go on.

sorry if this is super cheesy - I am pregnant and a bit emotional

Kormachameleon Thu 17-Jan-13 23:29:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DIddled Thu 17-Jan-13 23:35:41

Lost what a beautiful thread. I am RC but will pray the Eternal Rest for your lovely father in law tonight. Bless you all xxxx

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:36:41

Ruby. Ditto being pregnant and emotional. That was a lovely post of your just then :') death is part of life but is yet so difficult to accept. Korma, hope you're better lately. Sometimes I lurk on your threads but just don't know what to say. Think you have a hell of a lot to give to the world though and more strength than you know. Being completely genuine here, no patronising. X

DoodlesNoodles Thu 17-Jan-13 23:38:08

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your post is very touching, he must have been a special man. thanks

Kormachameleon Thu 17-Jan-13 23:39:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DIddled Thu 17-Jan-13 23:40:00

I meant .... And will pray....

I love the fact he embraced all your family including your brothers children.... He sounds gorgeous smile

Hope everything else gets better for you soon my love- you sound like a caring and loving lady xxx

DumSpiroSpero Thu 17-Jan-13 23:45:01

Another non-Muslim here sending you condolences. Your FIL sounds like a truly amazing man.

And how lovely that in death he has also brought together a bunch of strangers of all different faiths.

Wishing you and yours peace and happy memories.

WaynettaSlobsLover Thu 17-Jan-13 23:48:00

Hang in there Korma. I don't know about you but mumsnet is so much more than just a chat website. We all at least give each other support on here with everything from mental health, relationships and bereavement. Times are hard but I always try to day that there's sunshine after rain. Lots of love to everyone on the thread tonight. xxxx

DeepRedBetty Thu 17-Jan-13 23:53:13

I will add your FIL to my prayers, he sounds like a thoroughly lovely decent man. CofE but I know we all worship the same God. Clopper that is beautiful, brought tears to my eyes!

Peace be with you.

nailak Thu 17-Jan-13 23:54:27

Inna lillahi wa inna alayhi rajiyoon.

Ameen to waynettas beautiful dua.

Your fil sounds like a truly amazing and special person. There are not many who would act the way he did. Inshallah his traits of good character, welcoming and openness will live on in his grand children.

Sometimes kids don't remember things, but they still have a positive impact on their lives. Their experiences form the way they think.

May Allah grant him jannah.

nailak Thu 17-Jan-13 23:55:47

Also have you thought about sadaqah jariyah? I know some people raise money to build wells or stuff in their family members names after family members die, as a source of continuous reward.

crescentmoon Fri 18-Jan-13 11:53:01

Salam alaikum dear OP, I hope all is well for you this morning. Jazakhallah for your comments but really reading about your FIL last night was a 'snap out of it' for me. Would that when I die my family would say feel such good things about me. I really like the poem posted earlier by clopper too deepred!

LostAndNeverFound Fri 18-Jan-13 21:01:32

Korma, of course no offence is taken, I'm so grateful for all the well wishers on here. I've not read any of your threads but I hope life is being kind to you.

Nailak, thank you, I've never heard of that. Once the dust settles I'll bring it up with my husband and see what he thinks, it's a lovely idea.

Crescent, I'm not sure of the right words use but I'm pleased something good has come of this tragedy.

Ruby, that's lovely. I hope I can do the same with my children. My father in law had lots of regular sayings which me and my girls are already remembering fondly. Often with smiles on our faces as we remember his strong accent, whenever he gave my DD's food he would ask 'sweeeet?', even if it was the sourest of clementines! I've said this once today to DD2 out of the blue and she laughed and said 'baba jee says that!'

Diddled, 'eternal rest' is a lovely saying, thank you.

Thanks to dum, doodles and deepred also. I'm touched.

All of your prayers, thoughts and kind words have been with me all day, and I believe have got me through the day without any tears but lots of happy thoughts of my dear father in law.

I had a heart to heart with my husband on the phone earlier, and he sounds like a changed man. I'll be honest when I say he's only Muslim by name. He goes to jummah, eats halal, fasts during ramadan and teaches the children arabic, but he's one of these men that fell in with the wrong crowd and could never leave it behind. I was once in that crowd but I turned my life around, he just didn't follow me.

I've never known him pray 5 times a day, but he hasn't missed a single prayer since Tuesday. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but for him it's massive. He's been going to the mosque and reading the Quran daily. Inshallah this will be a turning point for him. It's just so sad his father will never see this side of him.

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