Baptism for my son (13)

[christine34]

Hi, can anyone please advise me... we are planning a baptism for my son and have been told by the Reverend at the church that it is usually done in front of the whole congregation - I can understand the reasons why this is done but the fact is that my son may feel a tad self-conscious as it's not just our family..... is this always the case? I've been to double/triple baptisms (not a problem), but none in front of a whole congregation! That's fine if it is the case, but is that the "norm" at every church? Thank you.

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

I'd think it depends on religion, local custom etc. Why not tell the Reverend you don't want this? FWIW my DH was baptised at home (he was 20+ at the time) with only 3 other family members present. I'm sure totally different religion to yours, though.

[AMumInScotland]

Most CofE churches have baptisms in the whole congregation - it is meant to be welcoming the person into the family of the church, so doing it "privately" is the exception. Some churches do so many baptisms that they feel they have to do some outside the main services, just to fit them in, but that's not meant to be the norm.

[MindtheGappp]

It is very unusual to have a private baptism. I don't think we would do this at out church. Baptism is, largely, about making a public declaration of faith the support of a whole church family.

[christine34]

Okay, thanks for posts.

[MaryBS]

We prefer it to be done as part of the church service on a Sunday, but will make exceptions if there is a genuine reason why, such as distance of travel for some of the family. If your son felt that strongly, we'd probably make an exception for him.

[MindtheGappp]

Presumably at age 13, your son is bringing himself to baptism and freely making the promises for himself.

In that case, why does he not just get baptised and confirmed at the same time? That way, he will be with lots of other young people (and old).

[AMumInScotland]

Good point MindTheGappp - many people are baptised as part of their confirmation service these days, because they weren't baptised as babies - that way he'd be one of a "batch" being done together, and the attention wouldn't all be on him.

[eicosapentaenoic]

Absolutely, Gappp and Scotland. There were 23 including a whole family at DD's confirmation, she was baptised there and then. It was stress-free, all very relaxed and welcoming, and really fun. I can't be bothered with made-up rules which hurt people or put them off; it's between your DS and his conscience and comfort.

[eicosapentaenoic]

Sorry - I mean 23 being confirmed by the Bishop, with a full church - CofE. This vicars puts the child's personal journey first, the preference of 'we' meaning the congregation would not figure.

[mummytime]

I agree, baptism is about welcoming someone into the family of the Church as is usually done as a public event. However for someone of 13 its often done with confirmation, and if so your son might feel less self-concious as there would be others.
The one question is, I would make sure you know your and his motives for getting baptised, and they are the right ones.
Personally I was baptised at 13/14 in a swimming pool, and it was a big event, I felt nervous but it was an important part of the whole occasion, and my public declaration of faith.