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Christian mumsnetter's- your opinions of renewing wedding vows please.

(15 Posts)
pinkdolly Fri 26-Nov-10 19:54:09

It will be our 10th wedding anniversary in April 2011.

We got married in a church. Dh was a very backslidden christian and not living a faith led life at all. I wasn't a christian at all. I wanted the church wedding, for the bells mainly and the tradionalism/romantacism of it all.

Fast forward to today. We have 4 beautiful children 3 girls and a boy. After our second child was born I had post-natal depression. Things were bad between us, he went out every weekend and I hardly saw him. I asked for a divorce and at the time I meant it. But something happened. I found God or God found me. I gave my life to Jesus and immediately began living a new life. This encouraged dh to find his love for God. And since then we have gone from strength to strength. That was 6 and 1/2 years ago.

Today we have a marriage which I am really proud of. It's not perfect but we are working on it. Our marriage is biblically sound, we support and encourage each other. And of course we love each other to bits.

Dh just came back from mandate and was listening to Mark Driscoll preaching. Apparently he was very challenging. He talked a lot about treating your wife with respect and confessing any things you might have been holding back.

So feeling very challenged and convicted dh came back, sat me down and told me that during our rough patch he passionatly kissed 5 women on 5 seperate nights out. I was very upset about this obviously. But I've gotten over that and worked through it and dh are stronger than ever. I know he was a different person back then as was I.

But I still feel that the origional vows we made almost 10 years ago are not relevant to our marriage today. Partly because dh has broken them and partly because, although we married in a church we didn't really have any idea of the marriage God wanted us to have. It was all about us, and God played no part in it.

Today our faith is a big party of our life and renewing our vows in front of God seems like the most logical thing do.

But what do other christians think about it. I know there are some threads on mn saying that marriage renewals are tacky. But I am interested in a christian viewpoint.


Sorry for it being so long and tedious.

pinkdolly Fri 26-Nov-10 19:56:07

Sorry for all the typos- must take the time to preview my messages in future.

WisteriaWoman Fri 26-Nov-10 20:06:32

Ok personally speaking I think how lovely to have the opportunity to renew your vows. I'm not an active Christian (ie not a regular church goer ) so I'd be interested to see how others reply. I think it's wonderful to celebrate your marriage in such a public way,especially as it has grown and matured. In fact I'm envious as I'm married to a devout aetheist but he's v loving and committed to us as a family.

Have a great celebration.

pinkdolly Fri 26-Nov-10 20:13:04

Thankyou wisteria- sounds like you have a lovely dh. Yes I almost feel like we are completely different people to who we were when we got married. We were only 20, so very young.

PositiveAttitude Fri 26-Nov-10 20:20:56

Well, congratulations Pinkdolly and I wish you all the best for your future together.

I am a Christian and I think it is wonderful that you feel this way. What you are proposing is to renew your vows in front of God, this time. I don't see anything wrong with this at all, and think its lovely.

I do, normally, find these things a bit cringe making, because they seem all about the day, all about the "bride" having another "special day" and very little about the actual marriage. In your case this is not the centre of it, so go for it and I am sure you will have a blessed day.

gingercurl Fri 26-Nov-10 21:03:43

I think you should do it, too (It's my 10th wedding anniverary in Apr2011 as well, btw). I normally do find these things somewhat tacky and I can't really understand people who go for the whole schebang with the white gown, etc. But in your case it isn't about "oh look I get to --be a bridezilla-- wear a wedding dress and be the centre of attention all over again". It's about knowing what your marriage is about and saying the vows in their right context and including God in them which you didn't do when you tied the knot initially. That seems right and beautiful to me.

gingercurl Fri 26-Nov-10 21:05:02

(Why didn't the --strike through-- work?)

WisteriaWoman Fri 26-Nov-10 21:17:57

Do you want to wear the wedding dress again ? Hmm with my style hat on I'd say No No - you could look silly.

Use this as an important opportunity to buy ANOTHER outfit. A more "mature" outfit as befits the current state of your marriage.
Anyway I'm sure a great day will be had by all. I'd love to renew my wedding vows. (Married only 3 years!)

BTW today I discovered the advantage of marrying the older man -(DH is 63) he received his Winter Fuel Allowance grin

LittlePushka Fri 26-Nov-10 21:28:57

It is a great idea - i will be doing the same! it is a great chance to come even closer as a family, to consolidate your family and friendships, to outwardly proclaim committment to each other and to God. It is also a brilliant example of relationship management to your children.

You run with it girl! (Oh, and wear what the hell you like! grin

oxocube Sat 27-Nov-10 07:41:27

I am surprised to learn that renewal of vows usually means dressing like a bride again shock. I always assumed it be just a gathering in church with loved ones/friends and quite low key! I think its a beautiful idea pink dolly (wedding dress aside wink).

It sounds like your relationship has really grown and matured and why not renew your committment to God and each other? Have a wonderful day

MaryBS Sat 27-Nov-10 11:12:41

I agree with WW, I think renewing the wedding vows is a fantastic idea and you should definitely do it, so long as this is something you both want. But don't do the wedding dress thing. Perhaps a nice cream suit or weddingy type dress would suit?

madhairday Sat 27-Nov-10 17:01:58

I also think it's a great idea. It's a celebration of your story together which has taken you through so much and how strong you have become both in your relationship and in God. What could be a better reason to celebrate? Go for it, have a party and enjoy it.

Agree re the wedding dress though, that would just not work imo. Excuse to buy a lovely new outfit if ever I heard one

pinkdolly Sat 27-Nov-10 18:10:09

Thankyou for your kind words. I am totally with you on the wedding dress and the thought would not even cross my mind to wear one. I think it is way to ott. And, yes the day would purely be a way of dh and I reaffirming our vows infront of God so dont think the dress is needed.

Tbh i wouldnt want to spend a lot of money and it would be fairly low key.

AMumInScotland Sat 27-Nov-10 18:38:48

DH and I renewed our vows for our 10th anniversary, not because of anything awful just because we felt we wanted to. It was very low-key with ordinary clothes (well, smart but not fancy!) and just a handful of people there.

I think they get a bad press because of people wanting to re-stage their wedding, which is kind of weird (to me).

But if you want to restate your vows and reaffirm your commitment, then go for it.

venusandmars Tue 30-Nov-10 13:47:44

Hi, I am a celebrant, and I have been honoured to be able to conduct some lovely ceremonies of vow renewal (well I would say that, wouldn't I? grin grin).

However, from your initial post I sense a mix of motivations. The first is your desire to actively and purposefully include God in your marriage vows (in a way that you didn't on your wedding day), and that does sound beautiful and right. The second though, is the recent disclosure that you dh made to you.

If a couple in your situation asked me about a renewal ceremony, I would encourage them to think and talk and pray about the husband having kissed someone else, and to work through any residual issues around that. A vow renewal will not give forgiveness either for one's self or for each other, if that forgiveness has not already happened deep in the hearts of both of you.

Agree totally that it does not have to be a big day. Some of the lovliest renewals that I have seen are one with just the couple and their immediate family - a thanksgiving for each other, for the love and support of people around them, and for the wondrous and varied blessings of children.

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