Party invites - again sorry

[BlueberryHill]

Year 1 party, DS will be 6 and we are thinking of a party in a hall with an entertainer.

I've gone through an invite list with DS, there are 4 children who are not at his school and 15 from his class. I think the class numbers are 29/30, I don't have a class list so I'm not sure of the precise number or gender split.

DS wants to invite all but two of the boys plus 6 girls, so in total about 15 of 29/30 children from the class would be invited. Of the two boys, DS has problems with one of the boys at the start of the term, both boys are new to his class this year.

The boy that DS has trouble with was too physical, hands round throat physical. I spoke to his teacher twice about it and it appears to be sorted, although it took a couple of weeks. It ended when DS fought back and hit him, it was seen in the playground and the teachers spoke to them all again. I'm not blaming the boy, it is difficult to settle into a new school with established friendships. This boy plays with the close group of friends that DS has in the class, all of whom are invited. They appear to play together fine, although they are all playing very physically. DS doesn't want to invite him as he doesn't think that he will enjoy his party if he is there or that this boy may be naughty. I have pointed out to DS that they may feel upset if they are not invited.

I want DS to enjoy his party but I don't want children to feel left out. Do I persuade DS to invite the boy that he had issues with, if I did, I would invite the other boy so that he didn't feel left out. However if I do, I am then inviting just over half the class and I don't want to do a whole class party. Any ideas / comments? Am I overthinking this?

[PerryCombover]

Blanket invite

[3bunnies]

It is tough if your ds won't feel safe, and I do think it is a little different when physical violence has been used. On the other hand it is hard settling into a new school, and tough for the other boy who wasn't violent but hasn't been invited so as not to include the other boy. I might be inclined to catch up with the teacher and get their impression of the current relationship.

If you do invite, then get the phone number of the parents, I like phone numbers anyway, you don't know if there will be a problem. Presumably they are aware of their ds's actions, if they seem reasonable (if they don't seem reasonable then apples don't fall far from the tree etc) then talk to them beforehand and say that you want to extend your friendship, but say that if he is misbehaving you would like them to collect him, or suggest that maybe one of them stay - get them taking photos, I always forget the photos. Make sure though that you retain control of what is and is not acceptable behaviour.

I don't think though that inviting 17 is an issue in terms of it being just over half, don't feel you need to do a whole class party. Fair enough don't invite 26 and exclude 4; but most people realise that the 'half the class rule' is approximate. We invited all 12 girls plus 4 boys (plus dd); so 17/30 and I don't feel at all guilty.

[lljkk]

15/30 children is fine. Gender shouldn't matter.

25/30 children would be a problem.

[BlueberryHill]

I don't want to do a whole class invite, I don't want to be responsible for that number of children, parents don't tend to stay at this age and whilst some will and we will have GPs etc, it feels a bit much.

I spoke to the teacher at parents evening and it seems to have settled down. I'm tending towards inviting all the boys, I don't think its fair to leave them out and we need to manage it. 3bunnies, you're right I need to maintain control and I'm going to get some ideas / actions in advance of how to head off trouble. The entertainment should include getting the children to actually do things / watch some tricks etc so hopefully everyone should be fully occupied. The idea of making sure I have phone nos for all is good one. I've not met the father but his mum is lovely and does pull him up, I've seen her at pick up times etc.

[3bunnies]

Well if the mother is nice and likely to challenge him, I might be inclined to try to have an honest discussion with her, and see if she will come too, he is only in yr1 after all. Then he is less likely, hopefully to be disruptive and if he is then his mother can manage him rather than you being disrupted.

She will be aware that he didn't get off on the best foot and will want to help him settle in, parties are a part of that. Hope your ds has a lovely party, and assure him that he will have a good time, and you will make sure he doesn't have to sit next to the boy.

[BlueberryHill]

Thanks for the advice, I'm going to have a think about mentionning it, I don't think that the school will have said which boy he will have had an issue with and I'm a bit reticent about raising it in that case. I'll have a think about how to approach it.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

We're doing a party for dd at the local play barn. She asked if she could have it there. I told her she could invite 12 children from her class of about 25 and that's it. I've left it up to her who to invite and I've written the invitations, put them in her book bag and told her to hand them out. They have my mobile number on so however many I've had a reply from will be the number I give to the play barn. I know most of them will turn up and she'll still have a good time. I'm not really bothered any more than that.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

Sorry didn't articulate that very well. What I meant to say was that sometimes it's best to let them get on with it. It'll be someone else next year.

[ladydepp]

I have never been able to invite the whole class and I have always asked my dc's to choose who they want to invite. I would never invite a child who my dc's had a problem with, it is their party!! I have seen other parties practically ruined by disruptive children or children that really don't get along well.

You are inviting half the class, ignore the fact that 2 boys are not included and just invite who you want. Next year it will probably be a completely different set of kids!

(Am I the only one who's often relieved when mine aren't invited to parties, they are a major hassle sometimes!)