Middle child leaving home suddenly this morning

[RamonaP]

Early this month she said she was going to leave ASAP. Last weekend she suddenly announced she was moving out in a few days. During the week we've all talked and this morning we're all going as a family to drop her off. I haven't slept. It's time to get dressed and ready to go and I can't stand it. My older kids planned for months. This was not long enough notice for me. She's said she has to leave now because I'm driving her crazy. She takes every little thing I say the wrong way. Whether I'm just being myself or trying my hardest to be the very best mother possible, apparently everything I do is wrong. She's going to an idea situation. She's 19 and been working and taking classes for almost a year and a half. This is so hard.

[RamonaP]

*ideal situation

[BackforGood]

Did you mean she isn't going to an ideal situation ?

Where is she moving to ? (as in, what sort of accommodation, and how far away from you)

If you are struggling to get on, then it seems sensible that she does move out and put some space between you. It can be hard for adults to live together when they don't get on.
You could be proud that she is an independent young woman who has managed to arrange all this.
I'm not really sure why you would need 'months of notice' ?

[Podemos]

I love my mother very much but we were a nightmare living together from when I was 14 until I left for uni at 18. We are very similar and just wound each other up/ had short fuses with each other.

We have got on so well since the day I moved out. We often holiday together (a week at most!!!). We enjoy spending time together and have a great relationship.

Try to see this as a positive move towards a different but maybe an easier relationship

[RamonaP]

BackforGood, she did move to an ideal situation: a 30-minute drive away, in my cousin's home. What I meant was that I was having a hard time understanding why this was so hard for me even though everything should be great. I'm not having any trouble with her and have been so confused why she seems to have so much trouble with me. I don't know why months of notice feels better, but it just does. I have to say that reading threads in this category really helped me knowing I'm not alone. Also, posting my message really helped me putting it in writing. The best thing was actually doing it. It was hard to get going and I cried on the trip over, and a little more on the way home, but today has generally felt better than all the last 3 weeks. I had a couple of rough moments, but it was also helpful as many websites suggest to discuss it with DH. Thanks for your reply. Podemos, thanks for responding also. It's hard for me to see how never talking to each other can help her work through whatever it is about me that bothers her so much, as it seems to me like the best thing would be to talk it over. I hope this turns out to be a good thing and not just delaying a resolution. :-)

[WMPAGL]

Oh OP, my mum and I used to wind each other up so much living together (and it's still best that we only sirens a long weekend together in one go!) but our relationship got so, so much better when we weren't living together. I love her dearly and know she loves me and found it sinusoidally hard when I properly moved out but sometimes you just need that bit of space.

I wish this for you! Good luck.

[BlouseAndSkirt]

“I can't stand it. My older kids planned for months. This was not long enough notice for me”

There are clues here as to why she may feel life at home is pretty intense.

At 19 it is not her job to support you to fulfill your need to be needed as a mother.

[Bluerussian]

RamonaP, you'll get used to her not being there after a while and you'll get on better for not having to be in eachother's faces for so long. FTR I have known many girls who have been extremely irritated by their mothers, so much so that they want to leave home (at 13 onwards). It is a normal phase.

Your daughter is old enough to strike out on her own. She can always come back if it doesn't work out, especially if you are kind and non judgemental.



Chin up, Ramona.

[RamonaP]

Thank you, all.