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Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Parents of adult children

Shall I throw son out!!!

38 replies

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 21:16

I need help!!! I am a single mother. My son is 22 Years old. He lives at home. Signs on. No job. Helps me in every way cleans, helps gives me money for gas, electric and food.
My problem is he thinks he is right on everything. No one can speak to him. His dad has given up on him and I am getting to that point.
At the moment he wants to move to U.S. He wants to live in the ghetto and go down the bad path.
(I kid u not) but he is waiting on a U.S rapper to come to London so he can save him from the degenerates that are his peers that live in the U.K
My son is a homebody who can't stand his own age group he says they have no sense and doesn't agree with how they do things.
I don't know what to do. The videos he watches on You Tube are ones he shouldn't be watching which seem to me are videos which will prepare him for life in the ghetto in the U.S.
He has no business looking up gangs etc. I'm a single mum working hard in a primary school trying to live off low wages.
I'm at the end of my tether. I don't believe I want to continue living with this man who is not my son anymore . He seems to really Wang to live this underworld life.
My heart is broken in sooooo many pieces. What can I do.

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tenredthings · 29/01/2019 21:25

Sounds like he's living in a fantasy world. Does he work or study or have anything going on in real life ? I'd humour him and encourage him to save and travel to the US . By the time he's sorted the money, visa etc. he will have hopefully grown up a bit and realised it's a bit more complex that just rock up and live in a ghetto

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 21:43

Tenredthings
I agree with u he is in a Fantasy world. He does not work or study but he is claiming Job Seekers Allowance for nearly 2 years now. He has no interest in working as he is waiting for this rapper. But yes I do humour him I agree I look up what he will need for the U.S but he has done his own homework too an believes this rapper will be sponsoring him. I don't know what to say.

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MyFriendGoo5 · 29/01/2019 21:45

I'd be worrying about his mental health and getting him some help. Not kicking him out.

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 21:50

MyFriendGoo5 I am very worried he won't listen to nothing doesn't want to go counselling or anything he just has a one track mind and he is sticking to his guns and believes this is his path.

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Caselgarcia · 29/01/2019 21:54

That may well what he believes is his path. But you also have a choice in believing what is your path. Supporting an adult financially who is capable of work is not 'your path'

trulybadlydeeply · 29/01/2019 21:55

He does sound very troubled. What was he doing prior to this? You say he has been claiming JSA for nearly two years, but what was he doing after school? Did he go to uni, have a job, or anything else? It concerns me that he is interacting so little with others. I can appreciate that you are at the end of your tether, but where would be go if you threw him out? He actually sounds quite delusional and vulnerable.

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 22:03

Casel garcia I haven't got the money to support him so I don't.

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Caselgarcia · 29/01/2019 22:08

Yes you are, he is living with you. He is not an independent financially self supporting adult. Do you see yourself in this situation in ten years time?

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 22:11

Trulybadlydeeply Yes I believe he is very troubled he has 1 friend only who drinks alot and has his own problems and has no support from his own family so I believe my son thinks he comes from a family like that . Yes I was able to get him to go college after school to help me out to still claim working and child tax credits to help me out financially. But due to his age that as all ended now yes he just sits in his room all day I think or plays ps3 shooting games online 3 to 4 times a week. Yes I agree he is delusional and vulnerable but what can I do

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Galwaydags · 29/01/2019 22:12

What was he like at school? There sounds like some big old mental health thing going on here

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 22:17

Galwaydags At school he was always chatty had friends but then he went to secondary school where none of his friends went but soon made friends. I know he has seen things he believes his dad didn't help him out when he needed him too an went back on his word and I think that affected him. As in his dad never stepped up an said apply for apprenticeship with me an I'll teach u my trade but then the next week he saw an apprenticeship with his dad learning the trade. My son takes alot of things to heart

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Caselgarcia · 29/01/2019 22:17

Sit him down and lay out some of your expectatations, ie if in 3 months he hasn't got his visa sorted he must get a job as you need him to contribute to the household expenses.

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 22:21

Caselgarcia Thank u I will talk to him again. But even today my sister tried to talk to him then later on or it could be me and he talks to his one an only mate f ing and blinding about how we talk to him and we don't know what we talking about and we all say the same thing. It's like to him we are all in the wrong and he is the right one

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Caselgarcia · 29/01/2019 22:25

So if he thinks you are all in the wrong and he doesn't like the way you speak to him perhaps it's best he moves out?

Kaz41 · 29/01/2019 22:28

Caselgarcia My heart breaks to be thinking like this but I'm thinking that could be for the best. I even contacted My internet provider to see if it could be cut off so he doesn't use it to watch those videos he has no business watching. I can change the password which is good I have not done this yet but after searching online I thought let me come on this site see what u all think to help me make a decision

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Caselgarcia · 29/01/2019 22:42

The longer he persists in cutting himself off and living in this fantasy land of meeting this rapper the worse it will get. A
22 year old man should not be sat at home playing on his computer like a teenager. This is no life and surely not what you hoped for him. You must get him out, and meeting people. He is isolating himself and his friend doesn't sound a good influence.
Get him looking at jobs, try to get him out the house and lay out your expectatations.

Gunpowdertea · 28/02/2019 10:39

A rapper is coming to sponsor him? Does he have mental health issues? That sounds delusional. There are symptoms of psychosis/schizophrenia - believing you have chosen path etc. Speaking from experience. Maybe he needs an appointment with his GP with you.

Omgineedanamechange · 28/02/2019 10:59

Hang on, is he in contact with this “rapper” he’s not sending him money is he?

youaremyrain · 28/02/2019 15:01

What gunpowdertea said.
It sounds like a form of psychosis. Does he have a history of mental illness?

Are there any messages from this rapper?

thinkimtrying · 22/03/2019 23:52

hey how's things? hope there's been improvement. we all need somebody to talk these things over with xx

Kaz41 · 18/04/2019 08:44

Hi all update April 2019 . I have thrown my son out incident happened and just by recording our conversations sharing it with family an a friend opened my eyes.
The way I felt in my own home and feeling like a small child so it's only been 1 night but yes he has left home I'm not taking him back even if he begs.

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Jog22 · 20/05/2019 12:31

Well done. I envy you I must say. Hope you are still enjoying a peaceful home environment.

reachedbreakingpoint · 20/05/2019 21:38

Honestly it sounds like he's been groomed or has some pretty serious mental health issues.

Neither of which are easy to live with but I would be supporting him,he sounds very vulnerable

Kidsdub · 21/05/2019 10:02

OMg it just gets from bad to worse I’ve just found steroids needles in his room . This is not the first time I found them last year like when I’d this child going to cop on. Throwing him out is not an easy fix as he has no where to go I don’t have the heart to put him on the streets. Any suggestions as he’s not for tAlking to or seeking any help I’ve tried .

Kaz41 · 08/07/2019 22:04

Job22 yes I'm soooooo lonely but trying to get thru it

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