My first post & I hope to find some advice to help me deal with the situation. My youngest daughter has just ended a 4 yr relationship which started just before she went to Uni. She said he wasn't adult enough, not helping with the chores, place always being a mess.They lived together for 3 yrs. She wasn't really happy the last year before the split. She had the chance to leave him after graduation but chose not to. She finally did 3months ago & moved back home. 2days later she was spending most of her night's away. 2weeks after that we found out that she has a new 'friend', he is 33, 11 years older than her, lives with is mum & a male lodger who has a 3year old child that stays 3times a week. The new boyfriend has an 8yr old son who has a benign brain tumour, cannot be operated on, is in a wheelchair & Is devolved as 4yr old. The child spends every weekend plus weds with his dad. Our daughter now works from home 8-5, the company sold the office a week after she moved back. She spends 3 evenings plus weekend with her BF. My husband & I dislike his demeanour, attitude things he says that you would not expect in polite conversation
i.e how his dad could't keep it in his pant, & when he has toothache he just takes pliers & pulls out his teeth, same with ingrown toenail. Also his joking at an airport because security thought he was Muslim so he was going to act like one..he is English but has olive skin & dark hair. We have only met him twice he came round for dinner. Our daughter kept emphasing that he wants to do things properly, my 91yr old mum who lives with us & being of different generation would certainly disapprove of the long greasy hair, scraggly long beard unkempt look.
After she started spending all her time away from home she did ask what we thought of him, she had picked up neg vibes.Both my husband & I feel the same, he has a lot of baggage for a relationship. Now our daughter doesnt go out shopping clothes or food, has stopped baking, all things she use to enjoy, feels like throwing her life away. We have another daughter 29 & an actor, living the dream with her 1st major role on tour. Our youngest has not even mentioned her new BF to her sister, maybe she knows her sister will disapprove. We do know that,to quote her sister, younger daughter hates living back at home tho she has never said that to us. So that's the situation. It seems like we just exchange small talk. I have a spinal cord tumour which limits my ability to stand & cook or do household chores shopping . I am so lucky to have a supportive husband & when my eldest visits she is a great help. With Christmas coming my brothers & sister will be coming to stay & help out. Daughters previous Bf used to join us but we really do not want this one to. It's also younger daughter's birthday next week & she has not responded to my queries as to what she would like to do..not even tempted by my offer of spa day. So that is my situation, as 55yr old parents with a daughter seeing someone who we feel has too much baggage for a relationship, with his attitude, personality & son. Also this relationship seems so soon after the previous one, almost overlapping. Our daughter hates living at home & we don't know why, & Christmas is round the corner. Any advice as how to deal with all of this would be gratefully received.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.
Parents of adult children
Daughters new relationship with baggage, now she hates home.
5 replies
Bflat63 · 01/12/2018 04:29
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.