Torn by adult child and my partner

[Coops1972]

Hi new here so don't know all the codes. My 23yr old moved out at 20 to be a grown up. She has fallen on hard times recently after losing her job and needs a few months living with mum - no dad on scene since 1yr old-fashioned just to get back on her feet.

My problem is that shortly after she moved out I met the most wonderful man. We have a lovely life together and things were great....until now.

He doesn't want her with us. He has never had his own children or shared a house with anyone other than a partner. He is almost asking me to choose her or my life with him. He wants me to pay for her to go and rent elsewhere which I could but it would eat into my savings and says I'm selfish for bringing her to our house and causing him mega disruption. Life was great before all this and I don't have anyone to talk to.

Am I being unreasonable?

[BigSandyBalls2015]

He's not a wonderful man if he's putting you in this situation. It would be a shit thing to do to turn your DD away.

[Happygolucky009]

Dump him! He sounds like a man child 😯

[HollowTalk]

Blimey. I'd ditch him. Love me, love my kids. Whose house is it?

[Coops1972]

It's rented. We have six months left. She shouldn't technically stay. It's expensive but he'd make me pay half if I left.

[m0therofdragons]

My kids will always come before any man. He's not wonderful he's lacking any understanding. I hope you get your daughter back on her feet very soon.

[FoundNeverland]

If choose the man over your daughter you are a disgrace of a mother.

There will always be a place for my daughter in my home.

He sounds controlling and selfish.

[pallisers]

Any adult child is entitled to come to my home for a few months if needed. I wouldn't be impressed with him at all.

Whose house is it? Is it a house you are renting jointly or is it your house that he moved into. If it was the latter I would simply suggest to him that he move out for a couple of months.

If you both own/rent it, then I suppose you have to listen to him and try to come up with a compromise but honestly, it would change forever how I feel about him and seriously change my verdict on him being "wonderful".

[pallisers]

just saw you are renting. Sorry but I would be reconsidering my future with this man if couldn't put up my daughter for a month or so.

[Coops1972]

My feelings did change when he said this. My child always has come first. His reaction shocked me. I guess it's better to lose 5k in savings on the rental and leave. Although I begrudge losing all that money and a lovely place.

[snop]

He really does sound dreadful if he is putting you in this position, my daughters will always come before any man

[Grasslands]

complex because you and him are renting. being he knew you had an adult daughter and these types of situations do come up, he either needs to accept or move on.

[AornisHades]

Ask him to move out, cover the 5K for him and if dd gets on her feet you can recoup some of that 5K.

[Copperbonnet]

He’s not wonderful if he can’t put up with your DD for a few months.

[StayingAtTamaras]

He sounds like an arse! Agree with PP, get him to leave, cover the 5K ( if you can of course ) and once your daughter is sorted then she can pay you back

[ShesAYamEater]

choose her.

[Coops1972]

Thank you. Needed confirmation I wasn't going mad. He is being selfish. He isn't being wonderful. He won't leave. But I can. He is a spoilt child who won't share his toy.

[StayingAtTamaras]

Good on you!

[Monty27]

You are not a toy OP. You are a mum and you sound like a lovely one at that. Whereas your DP sounds like a selfish git..
Best of luck to you and DD.

[mumeeee]

Your DP is being very selfish and sounds like a child himself. Your daughter needs you at the moment so she should come first.

[Namechanger1404]

A crisis has revealed his true colours, this man is only ‘wonderful’ when it suits him, he sounds rather narcissistic.

I would definitely reconsider any future with him. Your daughter is only 23, there will most probably be many more situations where you will find yourself in the ‘middle’, think carefully..then dump!

[InfiniteSheldon]

How long has she been back living with you? Does she work or look for work! Is she polite clean tidy or rude and messy?. If she's a lovely girl who's in her own room, been back a week he's unreasonable. If she's a minging, dope smoking layout with a month like a Docker who's been on his sofa for six months doing sweet fa he may have a point.

[Namethatchange]

Move her in, finish the relationship with him and tell him if he doesn't like it he can leave. Why should you be 5k out of pocket because he is awful.

[rocky13]

Hello I'm from Canada
My husband has a daughter who is now 18
I've know her since she was 11 years old she was sweet and kind then
After her mother left her at 14 she has been mean to me since
Now that she is 18 she calls me stupid dumb and a bitch the biggest one is a cunt
Today i had enough she called me it 3 times i got mad and grabbed her book to get her to listen and asked her what did you call me then she slapped me across the face and i don't know what happened next i lost it
I yelled at her and tried to smack her back then i had a chair in my face i pushed back now in self defence mode i broke the plastic chair and hit her with it and she hit me again i grabbed the back of her neck and hair and said grow up i think u should pack up and get out then she hit and pulled my hair i left and went in the house
My husband said i assuted her first
Is he right or wrong here?
Also she does not pay for anything expect her cellphone bill

[FinallyHere]

He is almost asking me to choose her or my life with him

Almost?

[annandale]

Rocky maybe you need your own thread. From your description I would say that you need to control your emotions and walk away rather than attack, whatever the provocation. If you are frightened in your own home, call the police.