What am I doing wrong?

[Clare123]

My second child - a little boy - is such hard work! He is very cute at times, but often the loudest and most disruptive child in the room. He is 2.10, so still very little and I really try to be consistent and patient. I do time out for aggressive behaviour and throwing. But still, it was never this hard first time around! I see my friends with their fairly well behaved children and I can't help thinking I am doing something really wrong and that its me!

[KickArseQueen]

My no3 is like this, we are working through it and he has other issues (outward breathholding), but in hindsight I think the biggest problem he had was that he couldn't communicate with us as he wanted to. Compared to my dc's 1 and 2 he was a v late speech developer and was showing his frustration!

Because of all the back arching throwing things smashing things on the ground headbutting the floor ( are you feeling any better yet?) we had to stop using the naughty step, it was too dangerous for everybody. We have been using the "hold on lap and ignore method" followed once he's calm ( anything up to 27 mins so far) by why mummy is so sad and what does he need to say.......

Its working things are getting better,

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

It's hard, isn't it? My second son is the same. DS1 is very well behaved and I'm pretty sure they've both been treated the same way. They're both just very different personality types, so it's probably the same with yours.

I find DS2 very draining. If he's having a bad day and so very moody and complaining about EVERYTHING, it just makes me so tired and wishing he were more like his older brother! But they are not the same and never will be.

I think you just have to keep being firm but fair and ride the terrible 2s through. there WILL be an improvement as he matures, no doubt, but if he turns out to be anything like my DS2 who is now 4, he'll aways be a handful who wears his heart on his sleeve!!

Does your son display extremes of behaviour? i.e. one day he's the best, most cute, adorable, and charismatic show-off ever? And the next - well, what can I say - you are glad when they go to bed?

[Clare123]

Oh yes, he is like jeklyll and hyde. Like today he was very good, but sometimes he is insistent on being naughty and disruptive.

I try to be firm, and stick to my word (which I have realised isn't always the easiest thing to do!), but I am really trying.

Thank you for replying. It does help to hear I am not the only one having these problems.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Oh yes, you definitely definitely have to follow through with any consequences that you threaten with. i.e. say "If you don't do x, y, z right now, then you won't be getting your Thomas magazine/bar of choc/whatever". If he insists on playing up, then you have to follow through and deny him his treat however mean you feel and however much he'll cry.

My sister admits now that she let things go when her boy was your son's age - it was easier at the time to give in to his moans and cries. And now she really regrets it as he's 5 and REALLY pushes the boundaries. So they're at the stage now that they should have been at the age of 2-3 - having to do reward charts/taking away toys and treats etc. Only at 5 the habit's more ingrained and they're finding it probably more draining and demanding than it would have been a couple of years ago if they'd nipped it in the bud.

My DS2 will always try to get away with being naughty when he's in the mood, he has been on the naughty step countless times, we really really have to be very firm with him and his dad has to take over discipling him quite often as I think he sees me as the "soft one" and pushes things further with me. I do do a lot of "Wait till Dad gets home!" quite a lot, and just the threat of that seems to make him behave a bit better!!

But sometimes speaking to him sharply and firmly when he's like that just doesn't work, he will push and push. Whereas we only had to raise an eyebrow at DS1 when he did something a bit naughty and his face would crumple and he'd say "sorry" striaght away. Even now, DS1 is the sensible one and he'll try to keep DS2 in line (which is very funny to see!)

Anyway, best of luck, these children are all different - some are easier to look after than others! But your son is at a very difficult age anyway and it will definitely get better I promise.

[KickArseQueen]

Just to throw in an alternative perpective My sil was always very strict with my niece. She now regrets it and says if she could do it all again she would do it differently.

Life with children is a balance of having fun, helping, nurturing, teaching and disiplining. Sometimes ditching the housework for the day and just playing, brooming trucks, making trains on the tracks, going to the park drawing round hands making lunch together, not rushing around but giving him time really helps me and my son. After a day spent like that, he is generally more well behaved, more communicative and happier, wish I could do it more often. It also means that when I do have to disipline him, he is upset that he has upset me and therefore his behaviour improves.........

Curlyhairedassasin is right about the importance of consistancy etc, but don't forget to have fun