The toddler/ baby combo- aaaagh!

[singalongamumum]

DS is 2.5yo, DD is 3mo. How do the rest of you do it? Nights are fine, but the daytime is such hard work. DS always seems to decide to throw a tantrum when DD is asleep, and wakes her up. So then she is awake while I'm trying to get him down for his nap- lucky she can't speak yet, who knows what I will do then. DD is a really calm baby and DS is gorgeous apart from the usual two-ness but I don't feel I'm giving either of them what they need. I am so tired and unenthusiastic and feel like I live in an endless stream of nappies, food and naps. We go out and see people but sometimes it hardly seems worth the effort. Ugh, listen to me moan! I'm even bored of myself.

[SethStarkaddersMum]

Oh yes, I remember this phase. It was hard hard hard! My dd and ds1 have 18 months between them and ds1 was a rubbish sleeper.

How.... let's see.... I think I let standards slip a long way, ignored the baby a lot of the time and let dd watch a lot of tv!

And try not to worry about not meeting their needs - their needs are really a lot less complex than you think: as long as they are fed and changed and basically clean they will be fine.

It gets better surprisingly quickly, honest.

[bumbums]

Yes been there! My DS (2.10yrs) was 22mths when DD was born. Spent first three months getting really cross with DS for making a racket and waking DD. I resorted to two walks with both in Phill and Ted to let DD get two good naps in day at one stage. She spent a lot of time sleeping in the garden!
Things will get better. Every day is just about surviving at the moment. Keep going out. But don't exhaust your self further. Thank goodness the better weather is on the way.
You will be fine. Its a slog but it will improve greatly very soon. And keep talking about it. That's what keeps you sane, being able to ofload.

[MangoTango]

I found having a baby and a toddler a bloody nightmare tbh. I think I coped fine with just one, but add a baby in to the mix and I was horrified at how hard it was. (Didn't help that dd2 was a terrible sleeper.) As time goes on it gets easier and easier and easier. Now mine are 3 and 5 and it is a million times easier, but I still remember how bloody hard it was when they were younger though.

[LittlePushka]

Honey , its hard! But, I agree with SethstarkaddersMum (...or should I just call you Judith?!My fave book!)..it does get easier in stages. I have 17mths between mine. First 3-4 mths hardest.But it gradually improves incrementally.

And when DC2 starts to walk, you turn a massive corner...truly. By then hopefully DC is eating same sort of food at similar times, you do not have to carry a baby everywhere and also DC's are interacting with eachother much more.

By the time DC2 is 18mths or so I bet you a million squillion quid that you say things like "Wow, was DC2 ever a baby? "

I am through the other side singalong...and it is great having them so close...everything you do suits both and they will (hopefully) play really well togeher. Thats the prize for the pain. Just keep your head, live day by day and sleep whenever you can (even if you really want to do something for yourself).

Good luck and know you are not alone!!

[SethStarkaddersMum]

yes LittlePushka (I namechanged to this because I was feeling like a husk, a hollow gourd, but JudithStarkadder had already been taken - my fave book too) when they start to run in parallel it gets easier.
Gradually you start to be able to do various things together (bed, baths, food) and then it gets easier and easier and the fact that they are close in age turns into an advantage instead of a nightmare. Eventually it gets to the stage where some of the time it is actually easier than only having one because they entertain each other and look after each other a bit - I had a friend visiting recently who has an only child and she couldn't believe how much less work mine were.

[LittlePushka]

Singalong, Seths Mum is absolutley spot on with the "running things in parallel" expanation. But I wanted to let you know that having "dark days" is totally normal at the moment. To me they were treacle days - days when I was wading through treacle to just function. Breastfeeding DS2 was ALWAYS on the hop! I could probably count on one hand the times I sat nicely, relaxed and gave him a feed uninterrupted.

I did have a rule of thumb though...I made myself go out for a walk locally with the boys in my fab Jane powertwin pushchair on those days when I was not going out somewhere in the car. I took the dogs and I always felt that the stroll for anywhere between 30mins to 1 hr, was so much more productive than staying in and feeling overwhelmed. Also, boys loved ot or slept, never cried...win-win!

[Seths Mum...just a quick hijack...what do you think Anut Ada saw in the woodshed...??!!}

[Rosebud05]

I had exactly the same gap when I had ds last year. He's now 10 months and ditto what others say about it getting easier. For those first few months, I worked on the principle that as long as we were all fed, watered and clothed and there were no major illnesses or accidents things were a-ok. Once the nappy changing/feeding schedule lessens and the older one gets more used to the little one it gets better.
Getting out for as much of the day as possible worked for us. Let's hope that this sun stays around for a bit!

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

My two are 2.7 apart, and I found the first bit very hard too. DS1 was very upset by his brother's arrival .......
I can also count on the fingers of one hand how many times they napped at the same time.

You do just aim to get through it as Seth said (we watched A LOT of DVDs), and it gets gradually better. Don't waste time feeling gulity, and i 'd say, most 2nd DCs benefit from not having the spotlight of worry attention all the time. They will have their time in the sun later! Another thing I'd suggest is playgroup for the older one, so you can have some time with the baby. Mine started going 2 mornings a week at around 2.3.

I also used to have a childminder look after DS2 for one half-day from 8 months to around 2.5, whilst DS1 was at playgroup. This saved my sanity, and he had a lovely time in a very homely environment.

The upside is - 2 boys now who are very close, play together great (and shout at each other a lot)

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

gulity ? guilty!

[MrsJamin]

I'm earlier on in the struggle (DS1 is 2y3m, DS2 is 7wks), but I've found it really helpful to get a structure of morning activities for the week- it is basically all going to playgroups together, which DS1 luckily loves.

[singalongamumum]

Thanks everyone, it's always so good to know you are not alone. I am trying to take one day at a time, but treacle is a good description... busy busy busy all day and getting nowhere. The sunshine is helping definitely, I think the cold wet weeks we have had have not helped my mood or DSs- he is an outdoor boy but not quite old enough to be out for long in windy/ wet weather yet.

I will hang in there til it passes. And save this thread to reread when I need it. Cheers, my dears!