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Parenting

useless mum

12 replies

honeybee1977 · 08/03/2010 18:00

does anyone else feel like a useless mum? I'm a 1st time mum of 6 mth old DD and always worried that I'm doing the wrong thing. Thought I'd feel more in control after 6 months but don't. I'm trying to do the best I can but it never feels good enough.

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heQet · 08/03/2010 18:04

You're not alone. Very many first (and second and third...) time mums feel the same. It's exhausting! And no matter how many books you've read, how much you think you know, you are never truly prepared for the reality!

Do you have a supportive partner and relatives?

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honeybee1977 · 09/03/2010 08:08

i do have a very supportive husband and family, my parents are only 15 minutes away - i can't even cope very well with lots of support! i'm one of 3 girls and our mum did try to make us understand what having children is like but of course we didn't really listen and like you said you're never truly prepared and don't really have any idea what it's really like until you go through it yourself.

i love DD very much i just don't think i'm the best person to be a mum.

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prettywhiteguitar · 09/03/2010 08:29

When they're babies its very hard, its a lot easier day to day when they are a little older and more independent.

Are you feeling very down ?

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singalongamumum · 09/03/2010 08:42

I agree with the posters above- we all feel like that a lot of the time. It's a sign you really love your DD and want the absolute best for her. The first year is particularly tough- I have just had DC2 and am feeling all those emotions again, which I had of course forgotten now that DS is 2!

Is there anything in particular you're worrying about?

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whensmydayoff · 09/03/2010 09:05

honeybee could you be more specific, what aspects do you find hard

.....and it is bloody hard

Is it getting everything done? Is it the crying, entertaining? Feeding? Sleeping?

What is she like day to day, is there a routine?

It's just if you can give us some details maybe everyone can give suggestions.

Maybe you have an ideal in your head of how it shold be and you feel your not living up to it....

HELLO - welcome to our world!!

Or maybe your a bit bored and we could give some survival tips like getting to baby swimming, library rhyme times and other stuff to keep you out the house and meet other mum s who don't feel up to it but wiull lie to you !

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whensmydayoff · 09/03/2010 09:06

typing coinsides with lack of sleep!

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honeybee1977 · 09/03/2010 18:25

thank you everyone, glad it's not just me!

i think i'm a born worrier so most things stress me out - trying to stop though!

she is in a sort of routine but seems very moany at the moment, think she's teething.

getting her to bed at night is getting easier, not too much crying anymore but she does wake in the night, quite a lot at the moment and we're struggling to get her back to sleep without me feeding her. oh and we're trying to get her used to a growbag not being swaddled which is messing up her sleeping (wish we hadn't swaddled her for so long although we didn't want to change something that worked well).

it's daytime sleeps that are hard as she'll only go to sleep in the car or on a walk.

i see my nct lot every week and we're sorting out swimming and a few other things so I'm not bored just always worried about doing the wrong thing - although i do realise there is no right or wrong answer!

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prettywhiteguitar · 10/03/2010 13:36

Glad you're feeling better ! It's a shock just how much you have to try different things to get a routine hey

my ds needed a walk round the park in the afternoon to get him off to sleep everyday, so you're not on your own there

you sound like you are a fantastic mum, teething is hard, they turn into a right grump :O does pass though

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VAllen1 · 11/03/2010 11:04

Hi Honeybee, sounds like you could be describing my situation! My daughter is six months old and I seem to spend most of my time worrying - if she's sleeping I worry that she'll wake up, if she's awake I worry that she won't go to sleep. We're trying to get her out of her swaddle too and I worry that we've left it too long and that she'll never learn how to settle herself and sleep in a grobag. I think having a baby is hard enough but if you're a worrier it can be a nightmare. I love my daughter but think I'm going to worry myself sick if I'm not careful and yet there is nothing wrong with her at all (touch wood). She's happy and healthy and I'm sure its inspite of me not because of. Desperately trying to get over myself though as I want to inspire confidence and happiness in my daughter and the only way to do that is by being that way myself!

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Lemonmeringue · 11/03/2010 11:22

Can you talk to any of your NCT friends about your anxieties? People do pretend sometimes that it's all a breeze, but when you get talking, they're often relieved to find that other mothers get as tired, anxious, hacked off as they do.

I found the first year of motherhood really hard and didn't feel like a natural at all. I also worried endlessly about feeding and sleeping and whether my baby was happy, developing properly, and so on.

Once you've got through the first year and the babe is still with you, about the right shape and size and doing at least some of the things she should be doing, you do start to relax a bit.

If your daughter is happy and healthy it's because of you. She knows you love her and care for her and isn't that fussed about anything else.

Everybody has favourite times in motherhood. Some women love the baby bit, others feel more comfortable later on. I adore toddlers, but really love having older children now (first one is now in secondary school).

You're in it for the long haul, but the first bit can feel like the longest. It does get much easier.

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xandrarama · 11/03/2010 18:22

Honeybee, you're not alone, I feel the same way too - although in my better moments I do realize that my expectations of myself are probably too high, and no one else is doing that much better than I am! I suspect the same is true for you

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honeybee1977 · 19/03/2010 09:54

thank you so much everyone, all your comments made me cry but in a good way because I know it's not just me who feels this way!

VAllen I feel exactly the same as you and if it helps we are getting there with the growbag!

I think I've been very naive about the whole thing but I guess I'm slowly getting the hang of it.