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Parenting

Birds and the Bees

14 replies

choclab · 10/02/2010 13:14

When is the right time to start having 'the talk '?

My daughter is almost 10 and i wonder if it is time for me to start to explain a few things , like body changing , not the full blown sex issue i dont think {shock] or should i ?

I did see a book in a shop was quite good but also a little scary ....

ay advice ?

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FlamingoBingo · 10/02/2010 13:18

OMG! 10 and you haven't talked about it yet?! Some girls will have started their periods already by that age.

I'd say the best time was a few years ago, but that's gone now. Just start now. Don't make a big deal of it. Don't hide you own periods - just make them normal. It's going to be a shock for her now though.

And yes, you need to talk about sex. She's bound to have talked about it at school already - far better she gets the true facts, and proper information about relationships etc. from you.

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smee · 10/02/2010 13:19

Buy a book if you want to, but don't hide behind it. I'd buy one as a back up so they could read if they're interested, but I'd talk to her first. Be very matter of fact, laugh a bit if it helps and make her see it's interesting not embarrassing. This is her body and it's amazing, so that's what I think I'd focus on - ie it's exciting and astounding and we all have one! Personally I'd tell her about sex too - it's just part of life after all.

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choclab · 10/02/2010 13:22

i now feel like a total crap mummy ....she is a very young 9 3/4 ..

none of other friends have talked about it either ....

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FlamingoBingo · 10/02/2010 13:27

Really, choclab? I must be the weird one then!

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choclab · 10/02/2010 13:32

really ...
I will ask a few more mummys later ...

i started my periods at 14 and my mum didnt tell me bugger all ... and i dont want that to happen to my DD ,

Im lucky as we are very very close and talk alot so this would be a natural girly thing to do .

will get a book to as she can read in her own time .

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choclab · 10/02/2010 13:34

oops ..I meant she can read the book as well as us talking about it together , i wouldnt just give her a book and let her get in with it ...

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smee · 10/02/2010 13:35

Surely the school will talk to the class too? even in my Victorian type primary school we had a chat in top Juniors, so age 11. Best to get in before then in case they make a hash of it.

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choclab · 10/02/2010 13:40

yes i think that will come to smee poss later this year or next as that will be her last year at primary school
and yes your right get in there first as they will prob make a hash of it ...

im on the case ... as it were .....

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squeaver · 10/02/2010 13:45

Well I've already told my dd aged 5 how babies get in mummies' tummies.

My niece had her first period aged just 10 so sounds like you should be getting on with it (and you are!)

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smee · 10/02/2010 14:02

My DS knows what periods are because he asked what tampons are so I told him - he was four when he asked. Seem to remember he found it quite boring and asked me if I was like a chicken? (I think it was the mention of eggs. )

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CookieMonster2 · 10/02/2010 15:12

squeaver: what explanation did you give for how babies get in mummies tummies? I have a really unquisitive 4 yr old and I don't mind answering her questions but I don't want to give her too much info.

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FlamingoBingo · 10/02/2010 18:23

Cookie - I don't think you can give too much info really, as long as you are led by the child. For my DDs (6,5,3 and 1), the book 'Mummy laid an egg' is enough for them - know that because they still like to have it read to them so it's not too much, but they ask no further questions, so it's not too little. DD1's started asking a few more tentative questions, which we answer candidly but only giving the information she's asked for.

OP - do you go to the loo in her presence? If so, just do so when you have periods and talk about them then - far more natural that way, and less of a 'big deal'. My DD2 (5) talks about when her 'pyramids' will start - they're totally at ease with the whole idea of it. It may take a little while for your DD to be so at ease with it as you're starting quite late compared to me, but better to do it now than in a couple of years when she'll be way too embarrassed!

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squeaver · 10/02/2010 18:31

Cookie - the conversation went something like this...

Dd Where was I before I was born?

Me: You were in my tummy

Dd: How did I get there?

Me: Well daddy put a seed in mummy's tummy and you grew from that.

Dd: Where did the seed come from?

Me: It came from his willy.

Dd: Can I have a biscuit now?

My policy is to answer any question that's asked in a straight-forward manner but not go into lots of extra detail. I promised myself I'd never say "you're too young to know that" or "ask your Dad".

Someone wise on here said "it's like an on-going conversation" and I try to follow that.

It's a bit cringy the first time they ask but after that it's fine.

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CookieMonster2 · 10/02/2010 22:39

squeaver, sounds good to me, I'll have a similar response ready next time I am asked! Thanks. I do think its easier the earlier they ask, if they aren't embaressed then I won't be, its just having the answer ready thats tricky!

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