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Upset DP With Screaming Baby

(10 Posts)
shalaa Tue 28-Jun-05 15:37:30

Hi all,

Lately our 4 month old DS has been hysterical before he goes down for his night sleep. He drifts off when we are holding him but then for some reason starts screaming, crying and getting really distressed. After about 10 minutes he settles and goes to sleep, i've assumed it's just his way off letting off any stress or stimulation from earlier.

Anyway last night he kicked off big time and tears were running down his face and he was sobbing. DP was holding him upstairs as he likes to put him to bed as I look after him all day. Well I tried to stay away and usually I do, but last night I started crying and just wanted my baby and to calm him down, so I went into the bedroom and half begged DP to give me DS before taking him. He calmed down almost as soon as I took him. This as you can imagine has done nothing for DP confidence and he was quite upset. Has anyone had this happen?? Any advice?

starlover Tue 28-Jun-05 15:43:19

sometimes when they get very upset it helps to change the situation.
ie, take them into another room... give them to someone else.

this is probably what happened with your DS last night.
it doesn't mean that he doesn't like your dp!

of course, all babies love their mums more than anyone! especially at this age, and especially if you are b/f as they can smell yummy milk!

it really isn't any reflection on your dp or his parenting skills though! i expect ds just got SO worked up that he couldn't stop screaming even if he wanted to!

shinypeople Tue 28-Jun-05 20:31:16

i had this with baby 3

DH found it really hard but in time it did get better

The more baby cried the more DH got upset and the more DH got upset, the more the baby cried.

I was calm when i took over and the baby sensed it and soon calmed down. (or it could have been that i smelt of milk!)

morningpaper Tue 28-Jun-05 20:39:49

Advice: don't do it again! Your DP will never learn that he's an adequate parent if his attempt at putting his baby to bed has YOU AND the baby hysterical. This 'gate keeping' kind of behaviour will end up with you doing all the work in a few months time because DP will always feel second best.

I know it's really hard, but if your baby is with your DP then he's fine. Next time pop to the corner shop for milk, or just go and sit in the car.

Sorry you are feeling so crap btw.

Pinotmum Tue 28-Jun-05 20:44:30

When ds used to do this I'd pop my head in after quite a while of listening and say do you need a break in a sympathetic tone - dh would either take up the offer or decline. Other times if I was struggling I'd ask dh to take over. I definitely agree with the change of scene theory as just walking ds down the stairs and back up would send him to sleep

Tonto Tue 28-Jun-05 20:46:07

When mine were babies - even now actually - if one of them was screaming we would swop duties and hand over the screamer. This would normally have the effect of calming the baby down. It would also give the adult a chance to have a break & calm down themselves.

Angeliz Tue 28-Jun-05 20:49:35

shalaa, this has happened lots of times with dp.
A few times he's been upset about it but he totally agrees that a baby needs his Mammy first. Sometimes only mammy will do. I'm sorry if that sounds sexist but i do beleive it with tiny babies.
DP always said that he would go with whatever i wanted but dd1 is 4 now and always goes out and about with dp, dd2 (4 months) still has her moments though.

Mind you, saying that, i have no choice but to leave dd2 more with dp as dd1 has very active School lofe!

Hope you're feeling better soon and show dp this, i'm sure most will have gone through similar!+

Tipex Tue 28-Jun-05 20:58:22

shalaa, I had a very hysterical baby until about 3 weeks ago. he was constantly overtired and screamy. There were times when he got hysterical in DH's arms and coming to me calmed him and vice versa. sometimes, neither of us helped and we had to put him down in his cot and leave for a moment (in fact often DS would calm if we stopped trying to soothe him). Please point out to your DP that it was just the change of arms that did it. Why dont you ask him to take over next time you have DS and hes screaming so that you can reassure him that you think hes capable.
I remember both Dh and I feeling we were getting it wrong after a run of unsuccessful soothing attempts that the other seemed to do. I do think its important not to let this knock his confidence tho and for him to know you feel hes capable as you'll need his support and if he feels hes no good at it he'll back away.

hang on in there!

lovecloud Tue 28-Jun-05 21:05:41

Yes, I remember this - its horrible and feel so much for your dp but you cant ignore the call of your child.

I guess its around this stage that they are quite awake to the world and know their mummy very well and I guess you dp works so you are the main carer on the day? If so it wont be until late that daddy will be able to have the same effect at comforting as you.

your baby just wants you, he is coming wise to the effect of his crying and knows that by crying he will get your attention, if he had it his way he would not let you leave his side. he is fretting and wants you to comfort him. i remember this happening with my little girl and could not understand why her usual peaceful routine of going to bed suddenly turned so upsetting. She suddenly start fretting for me. For a while I had to sit next to her and sing caressing her head for awhile and leave when she had fallen asleep, then i start leaving as she was drifting off and then just leave when i put her down and gave her a kiss, this would turn into tears so I would have to keep going in to reassure her and then leaving immediately. Dont give in and keep reassuring them as many times as they need.

kbaby Tue 28-Jun-05 21:32:02

Hi, I find with DD that if shes crying with me and DH takes her she stops crying and the same the other way around. I think its just the change that makes them stop crying not nessesarily who took them iyswim

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