Friendship heartbreaks

[Francasaysrelax]

What do you say to your dc when they feel let down by a friend?
How do you support them when they feel hurt by another child they really care for?
Or when they care for another child more than the other child does?

[Francasaysrelax]

Bumppppppppppppppppppppppppp

[FernieB]

No idea! How old is your DC? Both my DD's (9) are having similar issues. They've been friends with a certain girl for a while now, but she bosses them about and if they don't do what she wants, she hits them or calls them names (her language is pretty choice). She has already threatened to kill one of my DD's and tried to beat her up after sport, (one of the boys jumped in and landed a few punches on her luckily), but still my DD's persisted in being friends with her. Last week she attacked (physically and verbally) my other DD during sport and was dragged off by the teacher.

I have finally now managed to convince my DD's that this is not the way a friend behaves and to look elsewhere for friendship.

I think it's very difficult and you feel very helpless because you can't help your child with their friends, they have to do it themselves. All you can do is let them talk about it and listen to them. Is there another friend who is less likely to upset your dc? You could invite them round and try to cultivate a more positive friendship. You could also remind them that sometimes even friends say things that can upset each other but they often don't realise it and certainly don't mean it.

[Francasaysrelax]

Fernie, thanks for replying. I'm sorry to hear your dds had to deal with such behaviour from someone they considered a friend.

My ds is 7. He is having a few problems with his "best friend", who he feels is not 100% reciprocating him (which I know is pretty normal, but ds feels really hurt)
He does have other friends, but this particular friendship is causing him some heartache.
Yes, I do feel a bit helpless, I agree. I try to be there and listen, he gets very upset and I try not to go all overprotective

I also agree in telling them that sometimes friends say things they don't really mean.

[AntonioGramsci]

Oh, helloooooooo! This has happened to my dc, so will add something later.

[AntonioGramsci]

Actually, dear Franca, maybe just maybe I should question the legitimacy of this thread, did you search in archives, why are you doing this?

Francasaysrelax

JOKE

[Francasaysrelax]

Thanks AG, waiting to hear about your experiences as well

[AntonioGramsci]

Ds has a school friend who is sometimes ok, sometimes nasty. Luckily he is not his best friend. We told him that all children are nasty sometimes, they say and do nasty things, and that also adults are like that, and that he is like that too sometimes. But we also told him that if somebody is unpleasant quite a bit, then one has to move on and get other nicer friends. Luckily ds is easygoing and has a network of nicer friends.

Is your ds a bit clingy towards this friendship, too demanding? Or is his friend more unpleasant than plesant?

[Francasaysrelax]

Yes, that's what we usually tell the dc.

I wouldn't say ds is actually clingy. He has various friends and finds it very easy to relate to other children and break the ice etc.
But he really cares for - lets call him- X.
X is lovely, but often moody and I do feel that sometimes he likes to distance himself from ds just to test him (his mother the other day was saying how he does this also with a girl he likes). So, yes, I do understand X has a more troubled personality than ds, but I really feel sorry for ds, yesterday he was in tears.

[AntonioGramsci]

Does the mum tell him off if X says something unpleasant to ds?

I guess you are doing what I would do, make sure he has other friends, would you feel he has a little crush on this boy? I would definetly try and get ds to see other kids wthout X around...