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I don't even know what to say, think I'm being over dramatic but my nerves are shot!!!(5 Posts)
I just need to vent/rant/be overdramatic I really don't know.
I picked DS up at nursery earlier he is 3.5YO, anyway we were standing at the bus stop as usual, DS was running up and down the grass with his friend when for reasons unbeknown adn fro the first time ever he ran straight across a busy main road infront of a huge lorry !
I froze for what felt like 10 seconds but must have been about half a second then shot after him and dragged him over to the other side, thankfully the lorry was going below the speed limit and managed to stop literally about 7ft away from us or well DS would'nt be here.
Anyway once I had DS safely on the pavement and my heart was pounding I honestly did'nt know what to do but one of the thoughts was that I actually wanted to slap him so hard, of course I did'nt but the fact I even thought it terrifies me I ended up standing there clinging onto him by the shoulders screaming about how stupid that was and what could've happened bla bla bla, so then I went back over the road to bus stop still shaking like a leaf and DS none the wiser when another mum from nursery pipes up that I should've belted him one and if that was hers she would've beat her black and blue to put the fear through her!
But regardless of what someone else would do I am ashamed and really annoyed with myself for screaming liek a banshee, thinking about even hitting him (I don't mind a tap on bum if doing something really wrong) because the way I felt at that moment if I had've hit him I would not have stopped and where would that get us anyway? but also guilty because I seemed frozen for what could've been a crucial second! So many what ifs and I know they are pointless but can't stop thinking it now.
So we got home and I sat DS on couch and asked him if he knew he had done something bad and he replied that he ran on the road so he knew and I also maybe wrongly told him that if he done that and I had'nt of dragged him or if the driver was going a wee bit faster he would be in the hospital sleeping forever which made him cry and he was very clingy for a few minutes and we both just cried I think when I said that it hit me too... and again feeling guilty.
He has now gone for a sleep and seemed fine but how are you meant to deal with these things I feel like I havedone it all wrong and am terrified he does it again and next time we won't be so lucky
Sorry if I've put this in the wrong place but really am a bit wonky minded now
I am sure someone else will give you proper advice but I think you should stop beating yourself up about it.
You have had an absolutely horific fright, the adrenaline must have been pumping and for a moment you thought you may lose control - but you didnt.
You may still be in shock and I would reflect again tomorrow in the cold light of day!
Don't be so hard on yourself When I was 9 me and my dad were stood on the edge of a cliff I was told not to run I did I fell of luckily my dad caught my leg and brought me up and walloped my bum I understood I had frightened him it was the only smack he ever gave me.
You were scared and frightened and that IMO is totally different to smacking someone because they are annoying you or cheeking or being naughty. You only nearly smacked him because of how much you love him. As for what you told him he will forget it and again it was done because you love him and you wre scared and frustrated because you didn't know how to make him realise how dangerous what he did was.
You actually sound as though you handled it about right. At a time like that your higher rational brain functions aren't really in control, so everything you did and felt sounds entirely normal in terms of coming from a deep fight-or-flight instinct place. You wanted to hit him, but you didn't and that's the important thing (that and the fact that he's OK and sleeping soundly).
There's something about 3.5, I think. At about 3.3 I would have sworn that DS (who had shown very good road sense pretty much since he could walk) would never run across a road without looking, but at 3.5 he did just that (fortunately in his case there was nothing coming) and we had a few months of complete dappiness in terms of road awareness.
Bugger me! I think you did the natural thing in the circumstances. Poor you I hate that heart in the mouth feeling....
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