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DH and I had an argument in front of DS and I feel so wretched

(8 Posts)
TooMuchCaffeine Thu 05-Nov-09 11:52:55

DS aged 6. I was annoyed with DH. I slammed the car door then he called me an "idiot" in front of DS. I was furious because we have always taught DS that this sort of name calling is bad and disrespectful. SO I went back and said who are you calling an idiot in front of my son, etc and slammed car again(like the idiot I had just been accused of being blush), so he called me an idiot again. While I was out of the car he went into drivers seat and started to drive off while I was in the shop (I know this because the seat was in a different position when I returned to the car) but apparently DS was screaming and crying and asking him not leave me to so he did not. Anyway argument continued for a short while at home and I said he should leave or we would leave him blah blah blah and eventually said he should stay in the spare room and I kept DS with me in our room. DS was inconsolable. sad He said he thinks mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore. sad

We never fall out and DH and I are both easy going and happy, and certainly do not have disagreements or shouting in front of him so this would be the first time he has ever seen us angry with each other to this level or in fact seen anyone shouting at anyone else for that matter. I feel so guilty. DH and I are starting to make up - he's had "man flu" and I have been pissed off with him swooning around the house and have a lot of other big decisions to make concerning whether to sell our house, and changing my career, etc so I threw a strop basically and he threw one back. (DH just sent me a text saying he feels sad and he loves me and does not want DS to be from a "broken home")

But this morning DS was so subdued and would not make eye contact with DH. He was generally anxious and edgy. I am worried that we have done something really bad to him - do you think he'll get over it. I feel so bad. I apologised to him last night for shouting at daddy, and made DH apologise to him to which he did with a "but Mummy is in the wrong because....." attached to it. We have both been so badly behaved and I feel very ashamed to have put DS through this. I am thinking that to make up this evening we should all go out for something to eat, and re-inforce jointly that mummy and daddy love each other and we were naughty for shouting at each other, and that shouting and name calling is absolutely not the right thing to to, etc

TooMuchCaffeine Thu 05-Nov-09 12:00:12

Right then, I'll just skulk off and be guilty on me own then.

reikizen Thu 05-Nov-09 12:06:53

Don't feel bad. Children need to see adults losing their tempers and then dealing with the consequences, it is all part of life. I think your DS won't be scarred for life by the incident, it is the poor children who live in a constant state of anger and fear that suffer. I am truly amazed that at 6 your child has not seen anyone shouting or angry at each other! Please don't worry!

mankyscotslass Thu 05-Nov-09 12:07:56

Tbh, I don't think arguing in front of children is a big no no.

I think as long as there is no violence or real verbal abuse, and as long as it's not a frequent occurence, then it's ok for children to see their parents argue.

My one proviso would be that they see a resolution to the arguement, and that it's dealt with and you are together and happy at the end.

Children need to see that sometimes arguements are part of a healthy relationship, otherwise they will get a shock when they hit real life.

That's just imo though.

LoveBeingAMummy Thu 05-Nov-09 12:10:26

Agreee with the others, he needs to see that epople who love each other can be angry and then get over it and move on.

CakeBuddy Thu 05-Nov-09 12:10:40

So you've had an argument under stressful circumstances and now you're feeling guilty for letting your son see. But you're HUMAN and we all have bad days. Okay so maybe it's not your best day, but I'm sure that it won't be the worst (we all do things we're not proud of - it's impossible to get things right every time!) children see much worse things and forget them just as quickly. It's a lovely idea to go out for tea tonight as a family, but really, after telling DS again tonight that you both love him and love each other, I would draw a line under it and forget about it tomorrow. He's likely to be picking up on your concerns today and that might be making him feel worse. Especially as this is the first time anything like this has happened, he has the past 6 years security in his heart to know that it's not normal behaviour for you, and as soon as things return to normal I'd bet that he'll forget about it.

Itsjustafleshwound Thu 05-Nov-09 12:11:02

Don't overthink this and make it a bigger issue than it is - your son is upset, but by not letting things rest, you give him cause to be upset??

Can a quiet word about your behaviour (not your DH's or the rights/wrongs of the argument) to your son be enough?

TooMuchCaffeine Thu 05-Nov-09 12:47:46

Thanks everyone for your comments. It is the first time this has happened that's why I feel so bad about it. The only thing I can think of is that at least, at LEAST we did not swear otherwise I would feel worse. He will see a resolution tonight, and as it is bonfire night and I now seem to have DH's cold, we will try and do something to show DS a good ending.

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