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Parenting

Its in the wrong place i am sure - but my new loft - DD or us up there?

18 replies

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 21/10/2009 22:26

I have put it in parenting, as I guess I am thinking about my parenting skills or lack of here, in my inability to Do The Right Thing.

We have had soooooo much trouble getting our loft done, lots of heartache, trauma, stress, tears, major expense. It is now Done. Apart from a HOOOGE lobby that needs removing once we have the money to remove it (done wrong by old builder). This will not be until the new year. In the meantime, it makes us getting our very long bed into the space of the main room a little tricky. So, a friend has offered us her bed. So we agree, and it turns out, to be cobbled together bits of wood - nice of her and all, but we have a perfectly good bed here and I would prefer to use it if we can.

We had considered putting DD up in the loft. DH was not so keen, although his idea originaly, he changed his mind, we have spent a fortune on the loft and he wants to use it. DD really wants to go up there, she would love it. There are so so many positive reasons for moving her up there. I am going to bore you all and list them. DH has just said, this evening, I think, on balance, you are right and we should put DD in the loft (tomorrow, we were going to move up there tomorrow) and now I am in bed watching DD sleeping and worrying I am not doing the right thing.

My reasons are partly selfish (a lot selfish, hence the parenting section) and also think it would be good for her, and for us as a family:

*our current bedroom, we are all sharing, is a big double room, high ceilings, built in wardrobes each side of the bed. It will be enormous for her. The loft is smaller and has little coves here and there for her to play hide and seek with friends and toys, but it is still plenty big enough for all her things, plus a sofa bed, and in time, room for both the children if we wanted them together. Our current bedroom can house all our drawers but the loft will not be able to fit a double wardrobe in, so we will need to keep our clothes in DDs bedroom until we get cupboard under stairs sorted. Her wardrobes will fit nicely up there.
*she will be away from the general noise of the flat when she is up there asleep, moving around of us, especially at night with the new baby.
*she is excited about it. I am not.
*She will not have such easy access to kitchen, which worries me as she likes to 'help' make breakfast (on same floor as rest of flat), or the front room to put the tv on without us knowing, or generally being able to roam the flat with us upstairs. We are more likely to hear her creep from downstairs. .
*If we were to get burgled, they would get to us first, not her if she is upstairs. If she is down here, she is the first point of contact for anything nasty. Is that a bit paranoid?
*When baby moves into the nursery it is just cross the hall from us now, literally the next door. If we are up stairs I will be further away from him, but DD will be closer - two things here - she might try to 'help' him before I get there, and I would prefer not to go up and down the stairs in the middle of the night.
I might need easy access to kitchen/bathroom.
*I don't want to be cramped up there. I would prefer to wait to go up there, if we do decide to, untl we either have a new bed, or have the lobby removed (or both) neither of which we can afford this side of christmas. I will just constantly think about how it all went wrong, and be reminded everytime I bash my leg against our bed of the stress and not being right still. In time, this will change.
It feels more natural to have her upstairs in the bedroom rather than down here all on her own at night.
this is my driving Motivation right now -
*it is easier to move her things up there. Right now i am so so tired of all the building work, painting, decorating, sorting, organising, shifting, moving things, moving things back again. I just want to quickly get some routine going on again for all of us. If we move her up there, she can be up there tomorrow, weekend latest, and we can start to relax a little. If we move up there, we will need to move tons of furniture, dismantle our bed, remantle it, find it does not fit, get our friends bed, put it up, decide it is shite and the move it all around again. I just want it all to stop now. I want to think about the baby arriving and get DD used to it. We can move her back downstairs again in a month or so if it does not work out...

But now i am worried, what if its not right? Am I being selfish? Have I missed something? What if we confuse her? (she has been asking to go up there, says she wants us to stay here!)

{aaaaaaaarrrrgh}

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Hassled · 21/10/2009 22:30

Move her up there. It makes way more sense, especially the bit about being closer to the baby. You can always rethink things when the dust has settled - it's not cast in stone for ever.