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Its in the wrong place i am sure - but my new loft - DD or us up there?

(19 Posts)
PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:26:58

I have put it in parenting, as I guess I am thinking about my parenting skills or lack of here, in my inability to Do The Right Thing.

We have had soooooo much trouble getting our loft done, lots of heartache, trauma, stress, tears, major expense. It is now Done. Apart from a HOOOGE lobby that needs removing once we have the money to remove it (done wrong by old builder). This will not be until the new year. In the meantime, it makes us getting our very long bed into the space of the main room a little tricky. So, a friend has offered us her bed. So we agree, and it turns out, to be cobbled together bits of wood hmm - nice of her and all, but we have a perfectly good bed here and I would prefer to use it if we can.

We had considered putting DD up in the loft. DH was not so keen, although his idea originaly, he changed his mind, we have spent a fortune on the loft and he wants to use it. DD really wants to go up there, she would love it. There are so so many positive reasons for moving her up there. I am going to bore you all and list them. DH has just said, this evening, I think, on balance, you are right and we should put DD in the loft (tomorrow, we were going to move up there tomorrow) and now I am in bed watching DD sleeping and worrying I am not doing the right thing.

My reasons are partly selfish (a lot selfish, hence the parenting section) and also think it would be good for her, and for us as a family:

*our current bedroom, we are all sharing, is a big double room, high ceilings, built in wardrobes each side of the bed. It will be enormous for her. The loft is smaller and has little coves here and there for her to play hide and seek with friends and toys, but it is still plenty big enough for all her things, plus a sofa bed, and in time, room for both the children if we wanted them together. Our current bedroom can house all our drawers but the loft will not be able to fit a double wardrobe in, so we will need to keep our clothes in DDs bedroom until we get cupboard under stairs sorted. Her wardrobes will fit nicely up there.
*she will be away from the general noise of the flat when she is up there asleep, moving around of us, especially at night with the new baby.
*she is excited about it. I am not.
*She will not have such easy access to kitchen, which worries me as she likes to 'help' make breakfast (on same floor as rest of flat), or the front room to put the tv on without us knowing, or generally being able to roam the flat with us upstairs. We are more likely to hear her creep from downstairs. .
*If we were to get burgled, they would get to us first, not her if she is upstairs. If she is down here, she is the first point of contact for anything nasty. Is that a bit paranoid?
*When baby moves into the nursery it is just cross the hall from us now, literally the next door. If we are up stairs I will be further away from him, but DD will be closer - two things here - she might try to 'help' him before I get there, and I would prefer not to go up and down the stairs in the middle of the night.
I might need easy access to kitchen/bathroom.
*I don't want to be cramped up there. I would prefer to wait to go up there, if we do decide to, untl we either have a new bed, or have the lobby removed (or both) neither of which we can afford this side of christmas. I will just constantly think about how it all went wrong, and be reminded everytime I bash my leg against our bed of the stress and not being right still. In time, this will change.
*It feels more natural to have her upstairs in the bedroom rather than down here all on her own at night.
this is my driving Motivation* right now -
*it is easier to move her things up there. Right now i am so so tired of all the building work, painting, decorating, sorting, organising, shifting, moving things, moving things back again. I just want to quickly get some routine going on again for all of us. If we move her up there, she can be up there tomorrow, weekend latest, and we can start to relax a little. If we move up there, we will need to move tons of furniture, dismantle our bed, remantle it, find it does not fit, get our friends bed, put it up, decide it is shite and the move it all around again. I just want it all to stop now. I want to think about the baby arriving and get DD used to it. We can move her back downstairs again in a month or so if it does not work out...

But now i am worried, what if its not right? Am I being selfish? Have I missed something? What if we confuse her? (she has been asking to go up there, says she wants us to stay here!)

{aaaaaaaarrrrgh} <puts hand over face, feels all overwhelmed>

Hassled Wed 21-Oct-09 22:30:47

Move her up there. It makes way more sense, especially the bit about being closer to the baby. You can always rethink things when the dust has settled - it's not cast in stone for ever.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:32:18

hassled I could kiss you <mwah> grin just what I needed to hear ! But you knew that, right wink

CybilEngineer Wed 21-Oct-09 22:35:28

I havent read your post (sorry it's too late and close together-<cross eyed>) but I think YOU should go up there, after all you've been through with your mammoth saga, enjoy the room.

We are in our loft room after NEARLY giving it to my boys and I'm sooo glad we didn't. It's my haven away from the madness that lies beneath.

CybilEngineer Wed 21-Oct-09 22:36:05

I mean eventually have the loft room

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:37:16

cybil even right now, with very little room to put our bed, until we get this lobby moved?

BertieBotts Wed 21-Oct-09 22:39:14

Put her up there - I don't see why not? It seems to make more sense! And as others have said you can always rethink in a few years.

Nyx Wed 21-Oct-09 22:39:20

I agree with Hassled and think, for all of your reasons, that your DD should go there. It's not selfish at all in any way. It sounds like the perfectly logical thing to do - and she will be well pleased. If I were you, I would let DD have the loft smile

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:39:35

and I don't think I will be able to enjoy it right now. maybe in a few months, with a bed that fits, but not now. I am thinking we would still enjoy the space it will give us, without being up there...

oh i don't know...hmm

CybilEngineer Wed 21-Oct-09 22:40:51

No have the room eventually. You have sweated blood and tears for it.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Wed 21-Oct-09 22:44:44

I think you are right, eventually we should have it. Once we have the lobby moved, I will be happy. And by that time, it might even be the right time for DD and the LO to share, then the big room downstairs would be perfect for them. But for now...just all too raw and too much stress to get it to work for us. I just want to relax and have baby no2 without poor DD being even more unsettled.

She will love it up there won't she?

CybilEngineer Wed 21-Oct-09 22:45:21

Just make sure she doesn't love it too much, it's your room grin

diddle Wed 21-Oct-09 23:28:54

i think you should put her up there. i have the same dilemma, and my only reason for not wanting to go up there is because as you said yourself, if we were burgled they'd get to our boys first. Scares me a lot.
But we'd love our own space away from the kids too.
So we're going up there.
I grew up in a house with a loft conversion and we all swapped bedrooms every year or so.
She'll love it up there and really with your list of reasons you answered your own question.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Thu 22-Oct-09 09:04:51

Just marvelous. I am so sick of DH.

I asked if we should approach the idea with DD, he said sure, so we did, in bed. Asked her where she would like to sleep if she could chose - upstairs, she said, in the loft, she said. Explained baby would stay with us, and she would be all grown up and be there on her own, is that ok, yes she said. DH said nothing.

I just said to DH that I felt much calmer today, knowing we had decided DD was going up there, it felt right and I felt more able to relax now, and pleased DD really wanted to go up there.
was his response. You are not bothered that I feel happier today? Thought you wanted me calmer?
'well, no actually, I am bloody disappointed I am not going upstairs, not that you give a crap what I think'

So, now back to square one. The whole lot just chucked in the air, made worse by DD absolutely thinking she is going up there. Great.

HelenMc1 Thu 22-Oct-09 15:01:25

I think she should go up there. She wants to and is excited about it so I dont think you can take it away from her now.

As others have said you can change around in a few years time - in our family I think all four kids have swapped their rooms around a couple of times - she may like the change.

Also, I do think about the burglar 'thing' too!

Ewe Thu 22-Oct-09 15:05:43

DH will just have to get over himself. Move DD up there, it is the sensible and most logical option and she will probably be devastated if she doesn't get to go up there now!

iwantitnow Thu 22-Oct-09 18:37:55

Only downside with loft bedrooms is they often are colder than the rest of the house in winter and much hotter in the summer - our loft gets to temperatures above 30 degrees in the summer but we are in the south east.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat Thu 22-Oct-09 21:02:41

iwantitnow we have heating up there for winter, plus new regs on insulation make it uber uber uber insulated. Summer will mean a hothouse, but we have 4 windows up there and siesta blinds so will be able to air it, i hope.

ewe i told him he would have to tell dd she was not going up there, and we had a 'chat' about it. He said he does not want to go up there either, but is disappointed that he does not want to, as we have spent a lot of time, money and stress to get it, he really wanted to look forward to it and feels sad he does not. He said 'i can't explain, it is complicated' grin i told him i knew exactly how he felt so did not need to explain. Reassured him we would go up there when the lobby is removed, and once we start having some positive vibes about it. We both agreed DD will love it up there. We can hardly keep her out of it now.

Not up there today as still smells of eggshell paint. Needs a couple more days to air. Also got a relative visiting, so don't want too much change at once. But she is coming with me to pick a rug at the weekend.

whensmydayoff Thu 22-Oct-09 22:01:26

Haven't read all of it or the answers (im bad for this, never enough time sorry).

Got the jist though.

We did a beautiful attic in last house, french doors onto balcony with sea views etc, couldn't give to DS, would have killed me!! I never bloody slept!

It's so unnerving, them being downstairs and you being upstairs....."what was that noise", "did I pull the plugs out that dodgy socket", "did I lock the door". I was up and down like a yoyo.

Moved into new house August and again, beautiful attic room and ensuite upstairs and 3 bedrooms downstairs with tiny bathroom. Baby due Jan. Decided it was better to give DS attic room and us be downstaris with baby's room near by. Easier for us. Less disturbance for DS and less chance of him getting up with baby!

Id say you'd be more relaxed over all, even if it's just for a year if you just put DD in attic.

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