i feel really bad please tell me what to do

[amiabadmum]

hi all sorry this might be long but pls give me some honest advice i know iv done wrong

i have 2 dc 1 from a previous reltionship that my dp has taken on as his own dc2 is ours together
dc1 was a really nice child and dc and dp was like joined at the hip and really close before ddc was born. but the day we brought dc2 home from hospital dc1 changed we tried evrything by spoiling dc1 so they didnt feel left out but dc1 has become a horrible child and ruins everything we do as a fmily when were all out dc1 does everything to embarris us as much as possible at home dc1 fights with dc2 and makes home life difficult dp works as much as he can to give us everthing and dc1 ruins it and throws everthing bk in our face dc1 naughty at school to the teacher says there a nightmare and has had to bring in a TA to do 1 on 1 with dc so the teacher can teach the other children dc not naughty as such at school just cant do anthing that dc been asked to do

this morning dp phoned and told me he had enough and cant do it any more and dont enjoy being at home because dc is allways doing something 0naughty
i was up set and told dc that if me and her dad split up then i would send her away i feel so bad that i instandly sai-d im sorry and told her that it is me and her against the world and it will allways be me and her as she is my baby but i cant belive how nasty i was to my own child i feel like i dont deserve her now and that i am a really bad mum im thinking of asking a family member to have her for the weekend so that we all get a break from each other as im a SAHM iand i dont get a break from the kids and im feeling really low at the moment

[lessyummymoretummy]

We all say things we dont mean sometimes in the heat of the moment. Yes, you shouldn't have said it, but it seems like you're under alot of stress at the moment, so dont beat yourself up too much.

I once told my DD I was going to run away if she didnt start behaving, and I felt really really awful about it, apologised, cuddled, kissed (and probably also spoiled her too much in the following days to try and make it up to her). Its no defence but I had had a long day in work, felt ill, argued with DP, had hundreds of bills, the house was a mess and it was eleven o clock on a school night and she was refusing to sleep. But it doesn't make you a bad mum, in my humble opinion. It just means you made a mistake, like everyone does. I'm sure DD knows you wouldn't really do that.

Don't know if I have helped at all, but thought maybe you would like to know that you're not alone in saying things you don't really mean. You do deserve her, and you know yourself that you wouldn't be without her for anything in the world. Thats what matters at the end of the day.

[monkeypinkmonkey]

We all have moments where we says things to dcs that we shouldn't. On the positive said at least you areteaching your dc that people can make mistakes and appologise for your actions.

[julesrose]

Can you ring parentline or go to some parenting classes? I've known many where they've hit a wall and certain behaviours become unmanageable and the whole family ends up stressed out. Getting some outside advice really helps and it'd be something positive you could do.You would probably be able to turn it around quite quickly.
Maybe see your GP - if you are depressed it's bloody hard to parent in the way you want to. You must be a good mum if you're trying to get help so don't beat yourself up.

[MunkyNuts]

Oh heck. Don´t punish yourself over what you said, you apologised and DC knows you didn´t mean it, and it sounds like you were at the end of your tether, things like this happen, we all say things we regret. More concerning is DCs behaviour. Sounds like they are pushing you to the limit, really testing your love - I´m no expert but sounds like DC is maybe afraid of abandonment (maybe over issues with biological father?). How old are DC1 and DC2? If DC2 is a fairly new arrival in the family I´d guess that things will steadily improve as DC1 realises they are still a very special part of the family and DC2 hasn´t pushed them out. It took my DD a while to get used to new DS and her behaviour really took a turn. If this has been going on for ages maybe a child psychologist could offer some sound advice. I think its important to sort out DC1s behaviour and feelings first and foremost, DP will feel more able to support you if he can see a way forward, at the moment it sounds like he can´t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I really feel for you, sounds like you´re really going through it. I think I´d try and seek some external help unless this is a very new thing. Good luck with everything and hope DP finds the strength to stand by you. You really need support not more anguish.