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Does DS really not like his Daddy or is it 'just a phase'?

(5 Posts)
cruisemum1 Fri 02-Oct-09 20:20:42

DH has never been hands on. never done a night feed (for either of our lo's), done about 2 nappy changes, never bathed or fed either of them, not taken them both out other than across road to park for half hour, never gets up in morning with either of them at a weekend/holiday time. As a result dd (now 11) and ds now 3 never look to him for help, confort, fun or much else tbh. needless to say dh gets offended, hurt and despondent about it and it drives me nuts. To me the reason is obvious - you get out what you put in. It causes dreadful atmospheres and of course, teh 3 yo must pick up onthis. DH is loving, adores both of our children but just doesn't get it. No point changing things now as it is met with much resistance and practically speaking it is mroe complicated than it is worth. What are your thoughts/feelings on this?

cruisemum1 Fri 02-Oct-09 20:22:43

also, dh ends up moping about or getting angry which pushes ds even further from him. Getting desparate. dh can be difficult

PoisonToadstool Fri 02-Oct-09 20:27:58

My thoughts? Why on EARTH have you allowed him to be so crap?

TreeTrunkThighs Fri 02-Oct-09 20:34:28

I doubt that your DS doesn't 'like' his daddy, just doesn't know him very well.

It is similar in our house - I am always the one sought out for comfort and help, BUT DH is the one for fun. Could you encourage this perhaps? You say he takes them to the park - can you build on this? Could he take DS swimming for eg?

You say that it is more complicated than it's worth to change things - I would disagree, but you should probably go slowly and carefully - you can do it!!

cruisemum1 Fri 02-Oct-09 21:57:09

PTS - I hear you but it is diff to explain on here why things are this way.
TTT thank you! thing is dh is not a born daddy and has little or no understanding of how babies/toddlers/pre-schoolers are. He takes every 'NO' or 'I want Mummy to do it' as a personal insult. I have lost sympathy with it having been through this before with dd. things got horendous when she was little and I am afraid that things are going that way again. I hate that he kind of demonises ds as if he is some kind of freak child when I am sure it is because of his lack of early contact.
There is more to divulge but I am treading carefully

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