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Do you buy them the toy that the other children have in the playground so that they can fit in? If I start now in P1, will it only get worse?

(24 Posts)
nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 20:55:35

DS1 started school 3 weeks ago. Yesterday he said that some of the boys wouldn't let him play with them in the playground because they were playing transformers, and he didn't have one, he had a toy lizard.
He said he asked nicely, but they said no.
He said nobody wanted to play power rangers with him.

What do we do?

A) Buy him a transformer so he can play with children who for all i know could be horrid little fuckers? Next it'll be a nintendo ds, then an xbox and we'll have to sell our house to keep him popular.

B) Tell him to find friends who will play another game with him, but if all the other parents chose option A, leaves him friendless and alone and will ultimately end up in jail in adulthood (of course)

C) Let him chose whatever he wants for his birthday in 3 weeks, so if it really is a transformer he wants he can have it.

Help please, i'm new at this stuff.

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 21:13:14


tulip27 Tue 08-Sep-09 21:15:42

I would cave in and buy a transformer but only because I remember being the child whose parents refused to do these type of things and in the fickle world of children I didn't fit in.

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 21:19:22

Is there a way of doing it so that he doesn't think, 'ooh this is a good trick', which i suspect is stage 2 of this problem?

mazzystartled Tue 08-Sep-09 21:19:36

We are in more or less identical situation. Having got over what seemed on day 1 social suicide of ack of robot toy in heel of shoe, DS has actually asked for a transformer for impending birthday.

Not sure if owning said toy is prerequisite for playing? ie if he had a full briefing on transformers (go and look at them in the shop/show him some pictures and tell him about the concept) then perhaps he could join in anyhow.

My current worries now focus on lunchtime football club. Will Ds be teased for lack of full LFC kit? or will some old joggers and his spiderman tshirt do?

paddingtonbear1 Tue 08-Sep-09 21:19:51

dd can't take toys into school normally so this isn't really an issue for us. I have no idea what the 'in' toy is for girls! I do let dd choose what she wants for her birthday to some extent, anyway.

hocuspontas Tue 08-Sep-09 21:20:16

I would suggest to the school that toys from home were not allowed in the playground. Not only are they divisive but easily get broken, lost or stolen and the school obviously won't be held responsible. Both our infant and junior schools have had this rule for years and I know that we are not unusual.

Failing that - try to hold out for a bit longer!

tulip27 Tue 08-Sep-09 21:21:45

You could tell him its an early birthday present ?

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 21:22:17

It might be relevant that he is the only boy in his class with an english accent.

He speaks beautifully, but he is already different so I'm feeling sensitive about him not fitting in.

paddingtonbear1 Tue 08-Sep-09 21:23:16

If I thought the toy was ok and dd would play with it often enough, I'd probably buy it. I just hope when she gets a bit older the 'bratz' dolls aren't in... I can't stand them...

mazzystartled Tue 08-Sep-09 21:24:34

hmm you could well have a point there re the accent.

or it could be that you are anxious about that making you vulnerable to pester power....

(kids not allowed to take own toys to school here, which is a relief)

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 21:50:21

this is my dilemma exactly mazzy.

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 21:51:55

paddington, transformers are right up his street, so it's not the toy that i have issues with. just the reasons for getting one.

nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 08-Sep-09 23:57:02

but, if he gets one, doesn't that put some other kid in the same position, and make another feel bad, and then the whole cycle just keeps going on and on and on.

triggerfish Wed 09-Sep-09 00:26:55

we had a similar issue with ds1 when he started. He wasn't allowed to play with the other kids because he didn't know about star wars. We were very anxious about this, sat him through various episodes to teach him the characters (which he hated!) and then he felt much better. He went to school brimming with confidence, only to find the game was now power rangers - AARGH!!
I don't think it hurts to get them the 'in' toys - I am all for helping them to fit in. A great way is to invite a few boys home to play (ONE at a time!), that way you can 'guide' their play and allow your child to play too. This also will help them to get to know that your child has great interests too, especially if its power rangers etc! good luck

nevergoogledragonbutter Wed 09-Sep-09 01:02:19

thanks triggerfish.

thirtypence Wed 09-Sep-09 02:28:17

I would tell the school that allowing toys in the playground is causing problems and suggest that they change the policy or manage it better,

Ds plays transformers in the playground even though he doesn't have one and hasn't seen the movie. Because they are not allowed the toy they have to be the transformer. To my trained eye it looks very similar to the number jacks game he used to play (when none of the other kids had seen Number Jacks because we are in NZ). Basically just running around.

OtterInaSkoda Wed 09-Sep-09 12:18:01

Absolutely agree with what others have said about talking to the school. I really don't think they should be allowed to bring toys in - toy bans are not unusual at all. At ds's school they may bring in something special, perhaps a toy, when it's their turn to be special person and that's it.

Geocentric Wed 09-Sep-09 12:22:51

At my DCs school they have specific days when they are allowed to bring in toys - complete ban on other days. But there is still the competition over who knows how to play the "in games".

My DS has a slight language and culture barrier (we're "English" at home - school is Brazilian) so I have found I do have to sit him down at times and explain the games to him so he feels he fits in...

KnickersandVests Wed 09-Sep-09 12:32:27

I think picking and chooses them a few of the toys that are 'in' is fine. It's important for them to fit in, particularly if they are new and already have something that's different about them that they can't change (like DS's accent).

I remember seeing a programme where Dr Robert Winston(who I have enormous belief in) said it can be very beneficial for kids to have the 'in' thing. It helps them to fit in with their peers, relax, be happier and do better at school.

Having said that I wouldn't recommend buying everything that is demanded, you know your DS and what he will actually play with and enjoy.

nevergoogledragonbutter Wed 09-Sep-09 12:57:45

i'll mention it to the teacher and see if she can have a look and see if there really is a playground issue.

i have no idea what the policy is on toys at school.

Geocentric Wed 09-Sep-09 12:59:58

I just re-read my ost and realize it wasn't very useful - what I meant to say is that sometimes they do need a bit of help in terms of how to play/what to play in order to fit in...

GrapefruitMoon Wed 09-Sep-09 13:06:16

I am also surprised that they allow toys to be brought in - here (in England) the children just play with the school toys...

I am generally not in favour of buying my dcs toys unless it's their birthday or Christmas - though I might relax and say it is a special gift for starting school (have bought mine books before for this).

If you don't want to buy him a transformer toy (or want to wait till his birthday) how about getting him a lunchbox or schoolbag with transformers on?

nevergoogledragonbutter Thu 10-Sep-09 19:07:14

I asked the teacher and apparently yes children do bring toys, but that she wasn't aware of him 'not playing' with the other children.

He hasn't mentioned it again, so I think i'll just wait for his birthday and he can chose.

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