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So how could I have handled this better or differently ?

(15 Posts)
rookiemater Sun 23-Aug-09 19:30:18

DS is 3.5, he is gorgeous and strong willed as a lot of toddlers are.

This afternoon I took him swimming. Much excitement, loves going to the pool. All going well. Then absolutely refused to have a shower. Point Blank. Tantrum on the ground, running away from me, shouting, crying because he was cold. I tried different tactics, being nice "Come in so you will be warm" telling him what to do " You need to get in now" and trying to physically grab him and get him in there which is no mean feat as he is strong and slippy. In the end I gave up and he got dressed without one which I guess has taught him a useful lesson that if he has enough of a tantrum then I will give in.

Later on I said I was sad that we wouldn't be able to go swimming again because he needs to have a shower after wards, but he didn't seem to understand. I asked him why he didn't want a shower and he said it was because it was tickly hmm

Normally I try not to sweat the small stuff, but this has left me very frustrated. DS loves going swimming, I love taking him because he enjoys it. But he needs to have a shower afterwards to get the chlorine off. I don't want to have to go swimming then do a bath later on, because part of the benefit of going swimming is not having to do bath time later on. Quite frankly I don't want to take him again because I almost got into shouty mode and I'd rather avoid it.

I know this probably sounds precious and PFBish and people have real problems to worry about. But I'm just thinking there is some way I could handle this better next time and hoping someone might be able to help.

Sidge Sun 23-Aug-09 19:36:30

I'm probably not the best person to advise as I don't shower mine after swimming! Well no more than a rinse under the shower anyway, we certainly don't do soap and shampoo, but then I have 3 girls with a substantial amount of hair, so shampooing and rinsing them at the pool would be hellish. I would rather give them a good bath and hairwash at home later, where I can take my time and it's clean and private (most swimming pool showers are grim IME!)

mathanxiety Sun 23-Aug-09 20:30:00

Why not just dry off and take a bath or shower at home? Sometimes public showers have stronger water pressure than home models, so they might really feel tickly.

I wouldn't rely on the pool showers to clean anyhow, because you should still wash your feet again when you're at home -- you have to walk from the shower to the changing area no matter what, in bare feet, and you probably wouldn't like to think about what is underfoot in an area used by so many people. From the point of view of hygiene, all showers are not created equal. You'll really end up cleaner if you wash at home.

rookiemater Sun 23-Aug-09 20:49:30

Interesting point about the showers. We aren't talking about a full scale shampoo etc, more like a quick 15 second blast to get the worst of the chlorine.

When we got back he was too tired to have a bath so have left it.

It's not so much the actual shower but the principal of it. It is at the stage where he seems to be saying No to a lot of things just for the sheer heck of it. I have borrowed "How to talk so children will listen" and I know a lot of it is simply down to him being 3.5 and testing boundaries to understand what they are.

I also get frustrated at the weekend because whilst DH loves DS to bit, to me it feels as if I'm the one who continually has to be mean mommy and DH would let him do/eat/watch anything he wants for a quiet life.

So I just got a bit p*ssed off because we both like swimming together and usually its a good way for DS to burn off energy without kick offs. Oh I just need to grow up.

Sidge Sun 23-Aug-09 20:55:39

It's hard when they're that age as they seem to be so obstinate. I found that I have to choose my battles otherwise I would spend my whole time saying no or being Mean Mummy and that's no fun for any of us.

I guess it's about finding that middle ground between letting them do what they like (nope, not in my house!) and being overly strict (like my DH can be). We have to jointly agree what is not up for negotiation with our girls (eg teethbrushing, manners, no physical altercations with your sisters etc) and what is ok to ignore or let slide.

piscesmoon Sun 23-Aug-09 20:58:48

I don't think it worth fighting about. I would just get bathed at home. Go under yourself each time and eventually he will do it-make it seem fun.

LynetteScavo Sun 23-Aug-09 21:05:14

Loads of times mine haven't' had a shower after swimming.

The chlorine hasnt' klilled them yet.

I still give them a quick bath at bed time.

"Part of the benefit of going swiming is not having to do bath time later on?" Is it? hmm

Lots of kids hate showers. DS1 didn't have one untill he was 9.

rookiemater Sun 23-Aug-09 21:09:12

Okay its official I am being OTT, we will forgo the shower.

DesperateHousewifeToo Sun 23-Aug-09 21:21:47

I always think ''choose your battles''.

Some things, like holding hands when you cross the road, are non-negotiable but others really are not too much of a problem and by keeping on insisting, that is what causes more of an issue.

Dd hates showers, so I don't insist she has one after swimming. She does have to brush her hair though grin

beesonmummyshead Sun 23-Aug-09 21:49:44

does it matter if he doesn't shower and doesn't have a bath later on?

I only ask as I have a terribly behaved wilful 2 year old dd who point blank refuses to bathe most night. We are lucky to wash her hair once a week, whether she's been swimming or not grin

Surprisingly I do expect a lot from dd, including obedience hmm but bathing and showerng are really, far, far, faor too much hassle and always results in me losing my patience and her not actually getting washed anyway

Sorry, in retrospect that was a spectacularly unhelpful post

rookiemater Sun 23-Aug-09 21:55:56

No don't worry bees, I'm beginning to regret posting at all blush

I just thought that chlorine was a bad thing to have on your skin and clearly I'm a lazy slattern for trying to avoid a bath later on.

Acinonyx Sun 23-Aug-09 22:45:15

Dd doesn't shower either - she's 4 and started going at 2. We try to get her bathed that night but as pp have mentioned - sometimes it's just not worth it if we are in one of those phases.

I always rinse her swimsuit out though - I hope that counts for something wink

MrsWeasley Sun 23-Aug-09 22:49:45

Next time you go swimming go into the shower yourself and dont make a fuss, your DS may just follow you in.

mawbroon Sun 23-Aug-09 22:54:08

rookie, mine hates the shower too. He doesn't like getting his hair wet at all, and often comes out of the swimming pool with dry hair!!

In fact, I couldn't tell you the last time his hair was completely wet. We are talking a couple of years I think.

I just get him to wait in the shower area while I have my shower (quickly) and then we get dressed.

I class it as one of the things not worth stressing about.

mawbroon Sun 23-Aug-09 22:55:30

Oh, and I don't bath him later either!

Sometimes I take ds swimming with the sole purpose of not having to bath him later. [schok]

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